The Heroes of Family Dinner

Don’t stop scheduling those family vacations yet!  According to a recent study (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20322621/) released by Associated Press, it is PARENTS—not money, drugs, alcohol, or the right clothes—that make a majority of American kids happy.  The findings show that a positive connection between teens and their parents fulfills teens’ need to belong more than any other factor, a point that researchers and mental health professionals have been making for decades.  Unconditional love and acceptance, caring about them even when they screw up, are important, and our teens must know they have a safe place to work through the ups and downs of adolescence.  Another interesting finding was that having highly educated parents was a stronger indicator of happiness than having money.

 

In my mind, this study gives some clear-cut indications of what we, as parents, need to keep in mind.  Family dinners are not only a great idea for kids, they are crucial to the happiness of the entire family.  Our kids watch us to decide how their lives “feel,” and they often determine how they feel about themselves from the direct and indirect signals that we send them.  But don’t be mislead by these family oriented findings: the second most important contributing factor to your child’s happiness is their friendships with their peers.  As our kids begin to establish their independence, they often will gravitate towards their friends, leaving their parents to feel left behind, but that doesn’t mean that kids are ready to move on from their families.  They still require that strong sense of belonging that only a family can provide.

 

Another interesting element of this study is that it also addresses the topic of teens’ heroes. Who do you think your teen’s hero is?  According to this study, there is a good chance that you—not a celebrity or a sports athlete—made the top of that list.  Our kids are actively seeking people to adorn with admiration, and when parents step up and embrace those roles, the parents—not Brittany, Paris, or Nicole—become the embodiment of their teen’s adoration.  A majority of the teens polled stated that their parents are the number one hero in their life. Of course Michael Jordan, Oprah, and Martin Luther King make the list as well, but all in all, parents are #1. 

 

Basketball superstar Charles Barkley once stated, “I am not a role model, parents should be role models.”  I think Mr. Barkley was right and apparently, so do our kids.