Dealing with the loss of a pet

I read that Denise was getting a new dog...but she was afraid that it would make her forget about Bradley. I lost my Gilbert this summer. I have wanted to know how to deal with the loss since the kids have not taken it as hard as I have. Gilbert used to sleep on my pillow with me at night. I get so upset in the middle of the night when I don't feel him laying there with me at night. My husband got me another kitten to try to replace Gilbert...but how can he be replaced. Eating Subway is even difficult because he used to sit at my feet and wait for me to feed him pieces of sub and meat. But how can we grieve so then we can move on?

For children, the loss of a pet may be their first exposure to death. It may be much more affecting than the loss of an aunt or grandparent who they rarely see, Dallas-based author Diane Pomerance says. A pet's loss is a key moment for teaching children about the value of life. So give the child space to mourn, says Pomerance, who has written a book specifically designed to help children cope.

You may want to help the child make a scrapbook or journal about the animal, Pomerance suggests. If the child seems puzzled by the concept of death, she says parents can compare the cycle of life and death to the natural cycle of the seasons.

Above all, never try to dismiss the child's loss, or to foist another animal on the child too soon. "The main thing is to be empathetic and supportive," says Pomerance.

While mourning for a pet is normal, not everyone experiences it in the same way, Pomerance says. Lonely people can become especially attached. And grief can be cumulative, she notes; if you have suffered other traumas recently, losing a pet can be the straw that broke the camel's back.

Deep mourning for a pet for more than a few weeks may indicate there are bigger issues affecting the mourner's psyche than just the loss of a pet, Wallace Sife, a retired psychologist and author of The Loss of a Pet says. When Sife's pet bereavement counselors come across such a case, they refer the person to a psychotherapist, who has a much wider range of training.

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