by Brenda (square peg in a round hole) H.
Member since:
October 27, 2006

Weird thoughts in a moment of panic

September 17, 2007 02:48 AM EDT
views: 77 | comments: 55

Did you ever have some event happen in your life and then some weird and crazy thoughts went through your mind? This happened to me last Thursday after I looked at my caller id on my phone. There was a number there listed as Interlakes Oncology. For a moment, time seemed to stand still.

   I listened to the message and they wanted to talk to me about my appointment. My appointment???? I knew my doctor was sending me to a specialist but the word oncology threw me for a few minutes. Oncology is basically the study of cancer. Cancer was the word I saw in big bold letters in my mind. My mind flashed to me lying in a casket and I wondered who would show up to say goodbye to me. I thought about my two grandsons and I wondered if I would get to see them grow up. I thought about my animals and wondered who would take care of them. I thought about my boyfriend and I wondered how he would survive without me. I thought about my son and I wondered what he would do without me. All these thoughts occurred over just a few minutes. I was really scared. Its amazing what the mind will do in situations like that.

   My mind then flashed back to my regular doctor's visit and how he just wanted a specialist to tell him I was okay. He is a new doctor for me and he actually acts like he cares. I've been plagued with strange symptoms for almost 20 years. One for almost 30 years. These include SVT(rapid heartbeat), elevated white blood cell, unexplained fevers and an assortment of aches and pains.  I've had them so long that I have accepted them as part of my life. I've been told many things by several different doctors and the last word was just that I was normally abnormal. But I was never sent to a specialist. This new doctor wants to do that. And that oncology specialist is also a blood disease specialist. Had I had taken the time to look it up in the phonebook, I would have seen that it said Interlakes Oncology/Hematology. But my mind chose to freak out instead of being rational. I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried about all this but at least now I feel better about it.

   So tomorrow I go to the hospiatl for an EKG, echocardiogram and some blood tests. October 1st is my appointment with the specialist. I'm sure there will more blood tests that he will want to do. Also in the planning is a stress test,24 heart monitor ,MRI and probably more blood tests. I wonder if they can insert a valve into my vein and just turn it on when they want blood. LOL.

   Please don't worry about me. Right now I feel fine and I am fairly healthy. I've got a great support system with my family and my friends here on Gather. Thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you Gather for giving me a place to get this off my chest. And most of all, thanks to my Gather friends, who I know will be there for me.

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Comments: 55

Dena Straughn Sep 17, 2007, 2:53am EDT
I think its perfectly normal to be fearful when you get a call from and oncology clinic. I know you were relieved to find out that he was also a hematology specialist. I hope all goes well. Keep us posted.
☆ ƒåitĥ ☆ Sep 17, 2007, 2:54am EDT
Holy cow! I can't even imagine how scared you were right then! Yes, we're here for you & please, keep us updated!
Col. George W. Sep 17, 2007, 2:54am EDT
The best Brenda. Hope they tell you what has caused those strange symptoms.
Here I am, I seen the announcement and flew right over,,,I really hope it is nothing, that is why you didn't come back,, you came and published your article.

I like the article, but I don't like that my dear gather friend is in such cicumstances...you will let me know how it went then right!
Brenda (square peg in a round hole) H. Sep 17, 2007, 3:03am EDT
Wow, you guys are fast. Thanks Dena,Faith,Colonel George and Randee. Of course I will keep you all posted. The funny thing is that I was thinking of taking the camera with me to see if they would let me take pictures or videos. LOL
I was watching for it since you disappeared. and you weren't commenting I figured you were writing or fell asleep
Brenda (square peg in a round hole) H. Sep 17, 2007, 3:23am EDT
Its very rare for me to fall asleep this time of night. LOL
Michelle C. Sep 17, 2007, 3:32am EDT
Hon, I don't mean to scare you. Try not to worry, though, but my boyfriend has similar symptoms-the only one he said he doesn't have is the fevers. He has had recent aches / pains in his neck area and other areas, too. He wasn't said to have cancer, either, but a cancer specialist came in and was silent, but wouldn't give him the definite answer it was cancer. All she talked about was red/white blood cells and then a dr from the E.R. stated his oxygen level was low at 60% which means he would have died that day, but they never knew what the problem was? They thought maybe cancer, but they wouldn't flat out say cancer. His heart thing he said its called PVC ? Its where your heart skips a beat or beats too fast and then it may forget to jolt back. Or something like that? His heart sometimes flutters too. He's had this problem since young like you stated also, so he's pretty use to it. When hearing your thing he said it could be cancer in remission, but he's not really sure, either. Some dr's don't understand his heart thing (not sure if you've had some dr's confused by your heart thing) and its hard and the diagnosis was never made clear? Some dr's don't understand what's going on with him and refer him to oncology or other dr's for cancer, but its not yet known I guess? It could be some rare type thing that dr's haven't discovered yet as a diagnosis for you and him? Currently his blood pressure has been high (not sure how yours has been), but his has been 160 and he never knew it. My dad and I both stated "test your blood pressure" since he was having migraines really bad.. A dr also stated he has a vitamin deficiency and an underactive thyroid problem. Any connections? The white blood cells was elevated for him also. And the heart, aches/pains also match up for him. I've been worried about him lately though and now hearing someone is going through similar stuff makes me feel like God led me to you. Anymore symptoms? What have you been diagnosed with so far?
you never know, I've dosed off for a couple of minutes when reading here...LOL
Brenda (square peg in a round hole) H. Sep 17, 2007, 3:55am EDT
Michelle, back in 1990 I was diagnosed with Lyme disease. This is when it all started. I had the bull's eye rash and most of the other symptoms. I was very sick but the doc I had didn't know what was wrong. I went to another doc and he said it was Lyme disease but the tests didn't show that. He treated me for it and I did get much better. That doc lost his liscence for something weird but I credit him with saving my life. Since then all the docs have said that I didn't have Lyme disease.
As for my symptoms, the pain is usually in my joints but sometimes my whole body will just ache. I get lots of headaches and sore throats, I'm always tired. The fevers are very slight, about 100.6 but they still say thats elevated considering I used to run low. I do have high blood pressure and my triglcerides are very high but my total cholesterol is good, which the doc says isn't right. The heart thing I've had since I was 12. The doc said I would grow out of it but I never did. Now I am having that skipping feeling but that has been going on for only about a month.
Teresa W. Sep 17, 2007, 4:30am EDT
Yes, it's easy to panic. I've had myself dead and buried quite a few times [in my mind!]. Getting all your tests sounds like a great start and I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed for you. Plus I will send positive thoughts for all that positive energy!!
Brenda (square peg in a round hole) H. Sep 17, 2007, 4:34am EDT
Thanks Teresa. Its nice to know that I am not the only one who thinks that way.
Sandra (secretary of Lalaland) C. Sep 17, 2007, 4:40am EDT
It is normal to worry. When the doctor told me I had Lupus that is all I heard nothing else. But it wasn't as bad as I thought. GOD BLESS YOU.
Shawnee G. Sep 17, 2007, 4:44am EDT
I hope all goes well and they can help you start to fell better all around soon.
Brenda (square peg in a round hole) H. Sep 17, 2007, 4:46am EDT
Thanks Sandra and Shawnee.
Michelle C. Sep 17, 2007, 5:08am EDT
I've been thinking about it all and it sounds like the symptoms just won't match up to anything, since its all a cluster of problems: high blood pressure, headaches, elevated white blood cells, heart related (skipping a heartbeat, flutter), aches/pains, etc. As we know, its a lot of cluster of symptoms... the cause is so far : unknown or dr's have a lot of different opinions. I do not think the elevated white blood cells relate to any of the other symptoms, but as stated white blood cells and need for more sleep is a sign of cancer, but where would the other symptoms come in? Would it simply be other health problems or cancer? Who knows. I wouldn't worry too much until the time comes to worry though. I'm just trying to say.. it sounds like the cluster of symptoms do not connect and that it could be possible that this could be a rare disorder of symptoms that just hasn't been found a name for yet. The symptoms can relap into other disorders, but what is the disorder for ALL these symptoms? Not known yet. It just doesn't make sense. I do think though if you have high blood pressure you should advise or remind your dr on this and continue to take medications (if on any) and whatever you do, if you're like my boyfriend (please don't drink Red Bull or energy drinks as it will mess your heart up more and blood pressure). I know you may sleep a lot and need things for energy and for this, I'd recommend some type of vitamins (I take flinstone gummies and they help me as far as I know). I take 2 since I'm an adult and if you have a vitamin deficiency like my boyfriend then this will be hard too, as your body will flush out vitamins you need and you will constantly feel tired.. Make sense? Your body will reject the vitamins needed.. Once again, try not to worry.. if there's a disorder or some type of thing for this, let me know, otherwise for now, if you need any support, I'm here to listen and if you have a question how to help your symptoms and what we've tried, then just ask. :)

Michelle
Brenda (square peg in a round hole) H. Sep 17, 2007, 6:01am EDT
Thanks Michelle. I'm not too worried right now like I was the other day. My doc now is leaning towards something auto immune. Time will tell.
Bonnie S. Sep 17, 2007, 7:11am EDT
I would have been the same way as you when I saw the caller ID, I hope everything work out for you.
Nardy G. Sep 17, 2007, 9:10am EDT
That would have scared me too!

I hope all goes well with your appointment Brenda
Kimberlee S. Sep 17, 2007, 10:31am EDT
YOur PCP's nurse should hae explained the referral to you in a way that there would be no suprises ( I can't even imagine what she was thinking) Most of the time when I send a patient to Hematology/Oncology it is purly Hematology but I always discuss it with the patient ask them to think about it a few days and then I call them back to answer any new questions they have.
Please let me know if you have any specific questons that I can answer for you to help put your mind a rest. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Brenda (square peg in a round hole) H. Sep 17, 2007, 1:16pm EDT
Thanks Bonnie, Terri, Nardy and Kimberlee. Also Kimberlee, I knew I was being sent to a hematologist but I didn't know they were connected to oncology. Seeing that on the caller id scared me.
J. P. Sep 17, 2007, 4:48pm EDT
Brenda, hopefully the hematologist can find what's the problem is and let you know how to heal it. It's a fear for the unknown that startled people.
andrew c. Sep 17, 2007, 6:40pm EDT
great article brenda hope all things work out
Bundy P Sep 17, 2007, 6:42pm EDT
As the princess of panic, I know what you mean!
Jimmy _ Sep 17, 2007, 10:36pm EDT
I can imagine your reaction. I think my blood pressure went up 20 points, just thinking about all those tests your getting. LOL
Shannon W Sep 17, 2007, 11:16pm EDT
I would have been scared too! Good luck and my thoughts will be with you.
Brenda (square peg in a round hole) H. Sep 18, 2007, 1:48am EDT
Thank you Juyla, Andrew, Bundy, Jimmy and Shannon. Its a big help to see all your replies.
William M. Sep 18, 2007, 2:36pm EDT
I pray you will be OK, Brenda.
Brenda (square peg in a round hole) H. Sep 19, 2007, 12:16am EDT
Thank you William.
Jill J. Sep 19, 2007, 2:25am EDT
Please keep us posted! Our prayers are here for you, always. Take care of Yourself!
Holly J. Sep 20, 2007, 1:07am EDT
I too often get odd thought when I panic.
Rose Marie M. Sep 21, 2007, 11:03pm EDT
We're all afraid of the "C" word, but it seems now you are being positive. It really helps to "talk" about our worries, doesn't it?
Elsie Duggan Sep 21, 2007, 11:40pm EDT
I would have been scared too Brenda, I go to an oncologist/hemotologist for the bad reason, just checkups now, but I do know there are people in the room who just have blood conditions and not always serious, but enough to be taken care of. I am hoping when you have the results of all the tests, you will feel better, and the heart skipping thing, is palpatations, have had them for years, did all the tests you mentioned, and just had a repeat echocardiogram in August, and they told me my heart had improved, I think the last one I had , I was under a great deal of stress with my husband so ill, and now they say it is better, so I guess that is good. and I think the new doctor you have found is a good one, not leaving anything to guess work. I am lucky to have that kind myself, saved my life a few times.
Selene N. Sep 23, 2007, 12:06am EDT
Oh my gosh! I would freak out too! I hope everything turns out ok.
Lorri Goddard-Clark Sep 24, 2007, 1:48am EDT
of course you felt fearful. i know i would.who would not? i am glad you are going to see a specialist. they will figure this out. my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Donald M. Sep 24, 2007, 8:57am EDT
It seems to me you have found a good Doctor, which is rare of late. Its more nerve racking to not know, than to find out and deal with it. It is the not knowing that panic,s us.
Chelle M. Sep 24, 2007, 10:12am EDT
The way my mind works, I can turn even the simplest thing into a panic attack if I let it. But I just try not to. I have a very active imagination that I try to contain! Hope everything turns out in your favor.
Austin Cushing Sep 27, 2007, 12:41am EDT
Heh, yeah, I've had lots of those panicky moments lately -- but it's good when it's not as bad as you think.
Steph-in-NE ..... Sep 28, 2007, 1:27pm EDT
Oh my kido,, so sorry I skip this, not sure why, not tlike me,, anyhow,, I for one know what you are some what going thru, not the exactly the same thing, it the not knowing thing. Anyhow, please know that I am with you in prayer and in thoughts, and if there is anything you need a ear or anything,, I will give you my phone ## privitly. And just hug the dogs, they will chear you up,as mine do...
☆ ƒåitĥ ☆ Sep 29, 2007, 2:53am EDT
Hi Brenda - I know this isn't related to your article, but I wanted to tell you THANK YOU for the compliment on my recent photo that I took at my god brother's wedding! I appreciate it and hope you have a really nice weekend.
Janna O'Donnell Sep 29, 2007, 10:46pm EDT
How scary. Good luck. I hope they can figure out what the trouble is.
Heather C. Sep 30, 2007, 5:20am EDT
Once you know what it is you can at least deal with it. The unknown is what is scary. I would be frightened too. I will pray for you and put you on my prayer list. I hope what ever it is that they catch it in time. I know they always watched my Dads white blood cell count and as far as I could tell he had leukemia, but he said it was a blood disorder. They did try chemo but he would up with a blood infection and they went back to watching his levels and giving him shots.

It could be so many things, infection can cause high blood cell counts. My mother had rheumatoid arthritis and my daughter has it in remission. I was tested and although it did not show up in my blood test, I have the damage in my hands? Rheumatoid is auto immune and affects the joints.

With Lyme disease they generally put you on high levels of antibiotics. I am not to familiar with Lupus that too is an auto immune disease.

It could be so many things, I am praying it is something that can be cured. I avoid orange and grapefruit and acidic things otherwise I am in extreme pain from what it does to me. I love these fruits and juices but I have to avoid them. Try and see if eliminating acidic foods from your diet helps while you wait for the tests. If you have an auto immune disease these foods boost the immune system and that then attacks thus the pain.

Let me know how you make out with the tests. I think you have more than one problem.
Leslie "Missy" T. Oct 2, 2007, 3:30pm EDT
Hope everything goes well for you.
Beverly P. Oct 3, 2007, 12:28am EDT
The "C" word is one of the most scary words in the English language for anyone to hear. I have survived it 3x and believe me, prayer will help you with your struggle. I will keep you in my prayers and hopefully it's just a safety measure. Best of luck!
Bhawana 'Gather Proud Mom' Oct 3, 2007, 5:40pm EDT
You reacted which was normal...till now hope things are perfectly fine Brenda.
~~ Sarina ~~ Oct 4, 2007, 7:34am EDT
Have you received any results from the tests? I am saying a prayer for you my friend. Big huggers to you.
queen.susan . Oct 4, 2007, 7:43am EDT
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Well, I am very glad to read that you are
going to the doctor and that you have a great
support system and that you are "fine"....
but I'm still going to worry about you and
keep you in my thoughts!
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Digital Diva S. Oct 4, 2007, 4:59pm EDT
I hope you keep us posted and wishes for health are being sent your way.
Brenda (square peg in a round hole) H. Oct 5, 2007, 4:44am EDT
I want to thank everyone who has commented so far. I am going to do an update soon. The first tests came back very good. The doc doesn't think I have cancer or a blood disease. There is still one test that hasn't come back yet. I go back to the doctor on the 11th. I should know more then. Thanks again everyone.
Cheryl R. Oct 6, 2007, 1:20pm EDT
Brenda, by now you've seen the oncology/hematology Dr. I'm waiting to hear your update. I've had that same horrible reaction to that word, I think most of us connect
oncology with cancer immediately. But, in retrospect, oncology covers a wide spectrum
of tests to diagnose what is wrong with us. I've said a prayer for you, and I hope they
can find what is wrong and help you heal.
Melanie B. Oct 10, 2007, 9:44pm EDT
Brenda~ You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
HUGS
Melanie B. Oct 10, 2007, 9:45pm EDT
^*^ FLY BY 10 ^*^

ashish j. Oct 14, 2007, 12:01am EDT
all the best
Ana S. Oct 15, 2007, 12:37pm EDT
It is totally normal to feel paniced, but try to relax and take things one day at a time and lways hope for the best!! The power of postive thinking is a wonderous thing! My thoughts and prayers are with you for a speedy resolution and to better times ahead! Go health to you!!

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