Shucks! Football Ain't Hard; football is Easy!

(Definitely dedicated to Bill Walsh, who gave his a passion for a game my brother never explained to me, and a game my brothers cause me to hate growing up.   I'll ever be grateful to you, Bill Walsh.)

Let's have a pretend game of sorts.

  Since my diagram's end zones are red and blue,

and since the colours for the 49ers and the Giants

are red and blue, respectively,

let's use them to illustrate.

(Too bad! I like the Giants. 

I would rather have used Da tu-tu Dancing Bad News Chicago Bears,

 but the colours aren't right.)

I am doing this article first, so that when I publish my second article later today everyone may participate!

49er territory

Mid field (50 yard line)

Giants territory

Anything North of Center field/50 yard line would be 49ers territory

Anything South of Center field/50 yard line would be Giants' territory.

(This diagram is really about 8X11.  There should be a better one if you click on it.)

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Wikipedia Football Glossary or Terms

Glossary of Football Terms from About.com

(Don't get into these terms just yet!  Save them for later!)

The most important thing to remember about football is to keep your eye on the ball. There. That’s not hard, see? Okay -- end of Article.

Bye. 

No, no, I am just kidding about that. But, I am serious about the basic idea in football -- basically -- staying with the location of that ball for beginner football lovers. The rest will come later.

Here is the Football scenario:

Isaac Newton strongly believed in simplicity, so I will omit a lot of frills and stick to sheer simplicity.

Traditionally*, the game is split up into a clock running off 15 minutes of playing time. Each of these 15 minutes segments are called a QUARTER.

Or

Better said, since there are four of these 15 minute playing times -- thus the name “Quarter”

(get it?)

1^st Quarter -------each with a clock running 15 minutes of play time tick.tock.tick.tock

2^nd Quarter -------each with a clock running 15 minutes of play time tick.tock.tick.tock

Halftime (been wanting to go to the restroom for the last hour, Man!)

3^rd Quarter -------each with a clock running 15 minutes of play time tick.tock.tick.tock

4^th Quarter -------each with a clock running 15 minutes of play time tick.tock.tick.tock

Starting to make sense why it’s called a quarter?

Halftime is to give these hardworking fellows a time to cry, or laugh or guzzle down some beer. (Of course, I am just kidding about the beer. I am not kidding about the other.) It’s a time to regroup with their team and coaches and teams retreat into their locker rooms.

*Now, some clever person is going to ask, “Why do you say, ‘traditionally’?”

HEY!!! What did I say? We’re keeping it simple, right? Don’t go there.

Basically, (don’t go beyond “basically”) the game consists of an offense/offender and a defense/defender. Remember now, it’s all about the ball. It’s all about the ball and scoring.

Each team also has their own territory. Notice how the field is divided up and numbered? Each team’s territory -- and you KNOW how territorial men are -- consists of 49 yards!

(You hear that -- you out-of-step, in skirts, dancing Bad News Da Bears -- 49 yards!)

You’ll hear about 10 yard line, 50 yard line. . . That’s significant because the defender or offender (offense or defense) is always trying to either move that ball to the opponent's side of the field to score OR prevent the ball from being moved 

INTO/(you're trespassing!) 

their side of the field. You can also think of it as one team trying to prevent the other team from scoring points, which would occur were the ball to successfully be moved to that teams end zone (look at the diagram), which in the case of the 49ers would be the red zone, or for the Giants would be the blue zone.

You can see why it’s called the “end zone”. It’s because it’s at the very END of their “territory”.

How is this done

Again we are sticking to simplicity. The two simplest ways are by throwing/passing the ball, or by rushing/running the ball. The primary handler of the ball is called the quarterback. At the start of play, a player called a “center” passes the ball to the quarterback. Then all hell breaks loose and a big fight ensues and that’s the truth (laughing).

When you see all these men from the other team (the defenders) heading toward the quarterback, this is why -- they are out to GET that ball and he is the one who has it. (I am still laughing).

He has the ball and he needs to make a quick decision to DO SOMETHING. Meanwhile the offenders (they are offenders because -- how dare they try to keep the ball and score with it, so they are offending the defenders), are supposed to be protecting:

1. The ball

2. The quarterback

3. Their territory

4. The possible ball carrier,

(but not necessarily in that order)

Sometimes it’s best -- in my opinion -- to just protect yourself; some of those guys are BIG and look MEAN! But that’s why I could never be a pro football player; I’m chicken.

(There is a lot more to it than this and you’ll pick it up as you go along, but these things are just to get you started.)

When the quarterback does get that ball off to someone he should be an “untouchable”, safe. Nobody should care about him anymore; remember, the eye -- the prize is the BALL. Now just WHO did that sneaky little quarterback pass that ball off to?

Did he throw it?

Or did he surreptitiously hand it off to someone?

Defensive players have eyes like hawks and they know almost before the quarterback knows.

Zoooooom! They off again, after the one with that ball.

Uh, oh! Run! Run! Run!

Or, maybe, the intended recipient of the ball may decide its best to fall to the ground with the ball in an effort to call the play to an end. Whatever the case, when the guys with the striped shirts (they are extremely important too. You know the ones always moving their hands around in funny positions and running into the game with yellow flags?), blow their whistle the play is DEAD, the clock stops and its over for a few seconds. Another play is about to be setup.

So, to summarize, basically, the ball gets moved for scoring by passing the ball to a receiver who runs with it, or decides to catch it and just stop in his tracks. Period.

(For now, don’t let it get any more complicated. Simplicity, remember?)

First Downs

Usually, to get to that end zone and score, you go the route of first downs. Never thought of it this way, but maybe this is a game of fours, because again you have the fours -- four attempts to advance 10 yards towards or further into your opponents territory:

1^st down

2^nd down

3^rd down

4^th down

What you really want to do to achieve your objective of a “first down” is to advance at least 10 yards forward out of your territory moving constantly towards and into your opponent’s territory. Each time you do this, you are REWARDED with a “first down” and it is a celebratory thing. That is why you see the fans and the teams gleeful when it’s announced. You need not use 4 downs (or 4 attempts) to do this. The quarterback may successfully throw the ball to a receiver 20 yards and you will hear “automatic 1^st down”. Of course it is, and that was only one play and he may have done it on the 2^nd down or second attempt. So the process starts all over again, with 1^st down, giving the team, the offense, the 4 opportunities to advance the ball another 10 yards. Man oh, man is the other team -- the defender hot. This time they are going to blitz that darned quarterback. 

"He won't be throwing any more 20 yard passes.  Let's get him guys!  Yeah! Let's get him! Flush him out of that pocket! Yeah!":

Note: Penalties will suspend this process. All bets are off with penalties, or breaking the rules. (Those men in the striped shirts waving their hands around.) The yellow flags indicate that some player has been naughty and committed the ultimate act of a penalty.

I guess I should mention that usually if a team does not advance by their third attempt (3^rd down), they usually turn the ball over to the other team in the 4^th down. It’s not important for you to understand this right now, just know it. The 4^th down is a punt where the kicker kicks the ball (hopefully deep) into the other team’s territory so they have a long way to travel back to get to their opponent’s end zone.

One last thing, not really important now, just an FYI. The above article I wrote; this piece comes from Wikipedia:

In the NFL, players wear uniform numbers based on the position they play.

The current system was instituted into the league on April 5, 1973, as a means for fans and officials (referees, linesmen) to more easily identify players on the field by their position.

Players who were already in the league at that date were grandfathered, and did not have to change their uniform numbers if they did not conform.

Since that date, players are invariably assigned numbers within the following ranges, based on their primary position:

Quarterbacks, placekickers and punters: 1–19

Wide Receivers: 10-19 and 80-89

Running backs and defensive backs: 20–49

Offensive linemen: 50–79

Linebackers: 50–59 and 90–99

Defensive linemen: 60–79 and 90–99

Tight ends: 80–89, or 40–49 if all are taken

number of players at wide receiver and tight end coming into the league. Prior to that, players were only allowed to wear non-standard numbers if their team had run out of numbers within the prescribed number range. Perhaps most familiar to fans, Keyshawn Johnson began wearing number 19 in 1996 because the New York Jets had run out of numbers in the 80s

It should be noted that this NFL numbering system is based on a player's primary position. Any player wearing any number may play at any position on the field at any time (though players wearing numbers 50–79 must let the referee know that they are playing out of position by reporting as an "ineligible number in an eligible position"). Normally, only players on offense with eligible numbers are permitted to touch the ball by taking a snap from center, receiving a hand-off or catching a pass. It is not uncommon for running backs to line up at wide receiver on certain plays, or to have a large lineman play at fullback or tight end in short yardage situations. Also, in preseason games, when teams have expanded rosters, players may wear numbers that are outside of the above rules. When the final 53-player roster is established, they are reissued numbers within the above guidelines.

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I think we all know what the touchdown is, getting into the opponents end zone. That’s enough for now. I think you probably know more about the game now than most Bears fans, especially Matt C. with the mug o’ he carries all the time. He definitely believes in the motto, “This Bud’s for you.” Put that beer down, Matt!