Paranoid Dreams

I guess some would call it fear and some would say it's paranoia, but since I've joined Gather I've stopped looking at paintings by Goya. I'm being rather careful in the daily things I do, since a sound outside my window simply asked, 'Who?' It was a moomless night and with a bright flashlight, I looked outside my window and saw an awful sight. I heard the screeching tires of a get away. I thought I saw a moon, but at street level, no way. My yard was filled with dandelions, which seemed to talk as they grew. I thought I heard a reference about me being the man on the moon. I did not sleep well that night and had crazy dreams. I was standing in a church and Sheila said, 'Have you read Stephen King?' Now Sheila lives in Oregon and I in Michigan. Rumor has it she makes caramel ants, but most rumors are like the wind. Well, morning came and being hungry I poured a bowl of raisin bran, but the raisins looked funny because they were caramel ants.

I called my wife to take a look and told her what they were. She took some from the bowl and then gave me a startled look. She said, 'these are raisins' and they surely were. Now my mind was swimming as I heard someone say, 'Word.' My wife had left the kitchen and I wondered who had spoken, since I thought I was alone. I saw a white haired woman at my window and she was singing a lovely song. You might call her a Pied Piper for in a trance I left my seat, but then this spell was broken when my wife said, 'Make some coffee please.' Was this all an illusion, or was I becoming paranoid? My wife left for work and said, 'Please rest you silly boy.' I heard someone call out, 'Wilma' and wondered which neighbor had that name. I decided to put on old sweat pants and dig out dandelions again. My old sweat pants were filled with ants and a few seemed were chocolate too. I threw them in the washer and then put on sweats that were new. 

I did not want my new sweats to get dirty, so I went to the store. A clerk by the name of Alison said, 'I know what you're looking for.'  She said, 'you are in haste' and handed me a bottle of Chinese industrial waste. I said, 'I don't want this stuff' and she said 'killing dandelions are tough.' I started to ask her the price, but she grabbed her violin and said, 'I will play Three Blind Mice. I started to speak, but she was gone and then a person named Tinch came along, playing a tambourine. Tinch then smashed the tambourine over my head and said 'Please tinkle and dance instead of killing sweet dandelions.'  I was about to lose my mind, but again found myself alone and looking around noticed I was home. I thought, 'Another crazy dream' and I was feeling quite hungry, so I went to the local diner and saw a man with quite a shiner. He said, 'Hi, I'm Donald an no this isn't from a fight. My wife has done this to me twice. It's how she celebrates her birthday and we always eat chocolate cake.'

I said, 'That doesn't seem normal.' He said, 'Her name is Norma. She is is the waitress you see of this fine eatery.' Well, she came to our table and said, 'I don't want no trouble, so order on the double.' I ordered steak and eggs and Donald asked for chocolate cake. About 15 minutes later she brought my plate. The steak was burnt black and so were my eggs. Donald said, 'That's how she cooks.' I started to complain, but she gave me a look as Donald got up to get away and said, 'She can kick, so don't dare complain.' I said, 'This looks tasty.' I lied. She seemed happy and sighed. Donald said, 'You're a lucky man today.' I was about to eat gingerly, when a woman named Marge then said, 'Your cell phone has it in for you because you are eating Rita's bull.' She then ran out of this diner and seemed to be shearing wool from a llama and I was going to say something, then noticed I was awake.

I got up feeling quite frightened. I dared not close my eyes and switched each light on. I locked the windows and all doors. I pulled down the shades and thought some more. Then a neighbor called and said Elvis was at my back door, but when I got there, all I saw was a business card. It said Barbara B, the Elvis impersonator elite could help by singing me to sleep. Her fee was one thousand dollars for three songs incomplete and I thought that was really quite steep.  I thought I'll get on the computer to be with friends and saw a new message to my inbox was in. It was from Ernie and seemed rather nice, but as I read the words fear hit me like a vice. He was giving away a turkey on Thanksgiving Day, but in the words he used to say made me wonder if he knew, I was born on Thanksgiving Day too. I rubbed me eyes and read ahead, the turkey's name was William it said. I then knew it was me, I was the turkey and I'd lose my head and be baked with stuffing and French bread. I felt a violent shaking and screamed, 'I'm not a turkey!' My wife looked at me and said, 'You're having a bad dream.' She said, 'I'll make some tea, so you can calm down.' I felt relief I was not being baked now. She said a nice lady gave her some tea made from dandelions. I said, 'Oh no!' and now every night I sleep with the lights on.