Children's behavior

My ex's niece was on ridilin. Everyone in the family claimed she "couldn't help it" when she acted up. She was a holy terror. Oddly, she always listened to me. The reason was that when I said something, she knew I meant it. If we were out and I said "you act up we are going home" she knew I would take her home the minute she acted up.

Same thing has happened when I've been with some of my friend's children. They run around like little monsters, with mom and dad repeating "If you do that one more time (fill in the blank)" but since mom and dad have said that FOUR TIMES and yet did nothing, the kids know it's an empty threat. But when Aunt Julie says "keep it up and (fill in the blank)" they stop, because they know Aunt Julie will follow through immediately.

When kids behave in some situations and not others, it means they are testing to see what they can and can't get away with. You seem to have created a "permissive" environment where they know how far they can push before you'll actually do something. Whereas they know they can't act certain ways in other environments.

i have no idea why they do that all three of my kids are like that no matter where they go they are good little kids and no one ever has any problems out of them but the second we walk in teh house all heck brakes open you know what i mean it sucks sometime but i am like you i woudl rather they be bad at home and be good other places

If it is any comfort, we were told that children only act up around people they feel safe with - now, aren't you happy that you are so LOVED that they can act like little beasts, LOL

My kids are too young for that. Thank goodness.

Yes! I always say, "Can you send THAT child home with me next time?" whenever people tell me how well behaved my children are! LOL!

Jane---whomever told you that is ridiculous. So all the well-behaved kids are actually terrified? What kind of nonsense is that? Sounds like advice from one of those shrinks marketing a book!

My kids are just opposites of each other. My daughter was always an angel at school, and in public, and saved the terrorizing for me...My son was usually good for me, but got in trouble at school.

Julie
I think I may not have been clear, which is entirely possible. I even confuse myself sometimes.
I am NOT saying it is okay for kids to act badly but it is common for children who are abused or traumatized or just nervous to act their best with teachers or strangers. A common thing for SOME foster kids to do is go through a "honeymoon period" when a family takes them in, acting like little angels. It doesn't last because no kid is perfect all the time.

We adopted a 5 year old. He had a month long honeymoon period until he decided to test us and see if we'd still love him. Then all h_ll broke loose as he tried to see how far he could go (not very). Now he is a perfectly normal teen, rebellious some days, nice the next. I don't excuse bad behavior. I don't think kids should be allowed to act like little beasts. If you thought I was implying that, I was not.

I don't have kids of my own, but I teach so I've been through a lot of them. Most of the time when a kid is only a problem for one adult, the adult is not consistent enough with reward and punishment.

However, sometimes kids just respond differently to different adults. I'm pretty good at classroom management and my husband used to complain at our old school when classes he could not control were instantly in the palm of my hand. However the opposite happened too. Not as often, but there were certain kids and certain classed who responded better to him. We have ne kid now who is a little bully and I can put him in his place, but the big threat is "do we have to so talk to Dennis Teacher?"

Your kids have had a rough year right along with you. Your parenting style may have changed or just faltered under stress. The boys may also only feel comfortable acting out around you. They may also be provoking you to reassure themselves that you still care and won't be going anywhere.

My advice is to just be firm, consistent and available. My students know I love them and will protect them, that is most of the battle.