9/11 Through A Child's Eyes

I had never, before this week, thought about my son's perceptions of 9/11 (my daughter was only 3 at the time and is still blissfully unaware of most tragic things in this world).  I had never really spoken of the events of 9/11 in detail.  I had never discussed what happened that day or the true impact that it had on me.  So many others lost so much more than I did.  I merely had 1 friend who lost her husband, which is immaterial in comparison to those who lived in and around the city with multiple friends and family members lost or affected.  Yet, it still scarred my soul --- and I'm sure most Americans feel this way: memories seared into their minds like a branding iron and a deep bruise on their heart that is still trying to heal.

When Flight 93 debuted, I couldn't go see it.  When World Trace Center came out, I couldn't go see it.  I received World Trade Center at the beginning of August through NetFlix ... and I didn't watch it until last week.  My son, 11 years old now, had asked me at the beginning of the week when I would watch it, asked me what had happened to me that day, and told me all he remembered was me crying.  He has friends in school who don't seem to know anything about what happened that day.  He was only 5 1/2 years old on 9/11/01.  He had questions I intended to answer and I invited him to watch the film with me, feeling like I might lose more of my composure if left to watch the flick alone in the dark.

Before the movie started, I asked him what HE thought had happened.  He said some terrorists took planes, ran them into some buildings, and killed a lot of innocent people.  I confirmed that is what happened.  I then added that we were attacked, that our way of life was attacked, that our security was attacked, that our right to religious freedom was attacked, and that every person in our country was affected by it in one way or another.  I wanted to make sure he understood the gravity of the event without living through it at a more mature age.  Most of all, I explained that the reason he remembers me crying was because I was doing it for days and it must've scared him.  I honestly tried not to do it in front of them, but I realize there were times when I couldn't help it.  I told him I cried because I felt overwhelmed: I felt sad for my friend whose children (they're the same ages as my kids) were suddenly without a father, I felt sad for all the children who would be without fathers or mothers or BOTH, and then that escalated to all the people who would be without loved ones who had perished and the people who would be dying in a war, because I knew we would be going to war.  It was a lot to handle all at once.

So together we watched the movie, cuddling, tearing up, crying (OK, well I did most of that).  I pointed out the scenes that were authentic.  I noted key things from my memory: the second plane unbelievably hitting the second tower, the people jumping, the first tower falling (thinking to myself 'My God, Richard was in that tower'), the second tower falling, the ashes everywhere, the crushed firetrucks, not leaving the house for fear of what else might happen, my entire street that night with TVs blaring because it was all we could do ... everything came flooding back - and it was a lot to take.  I know at one point my son said, "Mom, I remember that - the businessman covered in ashes, sitting with his briefcase" and all I could do was pat his head.  He had indeed remembered a few things, more than I thought he had. 

So, now on the eve of the 6th anniversary, I consider how far we've come, whether or not we've learned anything, whether or not I've learned anything, and I want to believe we have.  I believe that we have learned the good and the bad possibilities inherent in humanity.  I believe that we've learned to be a little better to eachother (remember how nice everyone was to one another right after 9/11?).  I believe that we're safer and that we believe more strongly in protecting our country.  And I want to believe that my kids will never have to experience something like this in their adult lives - that we've learned our lesson and that we can find a way to resolve differences without all the heartbreak and destruction.  I truly hope that is the case so that I can recount this experience to my grandchildren and great-grandchildren with a happy ending rather than the ending that is still materializing.  The ending that may very well, at the very worst, be left for my children's or grandchildren's generation to finalize or, at the very least, will haunt future generations as history from which they should learn.

~Richard Bruehert, May You Rest In Peace~

http://www.september11victims.com/september11victims/victims_list.htm