U.S. GOVERNMENT TRACKS COWS & SOME JOKES

COW TRACKING
 Is it just me or does anyone else find it absolutely amazing that the
U.S government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago,
right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and
determine exactly what that cow ate.

They can also track her calves right to their stalls, and tell you what kind of feed they ate.

But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wondering around in their country, including people that are trying to blow up important structures in the U.S. My solution is to give every illegal alien a cow as soon as they enter the country.

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That's Once"
 
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, "What a peaceful and loving couple."

A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled.

My wife quietly said, 'That's once.' We proceeded a little further and the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'

We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the mule dead.

I started an angry protest over her treatment of the mule, when she looked at me, and quietly said, 'That's once.'

And we lived happily ever after."
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Just who was Jesus

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone brother .

2. He liked Gospel.

3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But, then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father s business.

2. He lived at home until He was 30.

3. He was sure His Mother was a virgin, and His Mother was sure He was God.

But, then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands.

2. He had wine with every meal.

3. He used olive oil.

But, then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was
Californian:

1. He never cut His hair.

2. He walked around barefoot all the time.

3. He started a new religion.

But, then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.

2. He was always! telling stories.

3. He loved green pastures.

But, the most compelling evidence of all 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment s notice when there was no food.

2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.

3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was more work to do

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing' ".
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.

Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.
Then he added a mouth,...................AND

Ruined the whole thing !!