Prayer Abuse

"What leads to strife (discord and feuds) and how do conflicts (quarrels and fightings) originate among you? Do they not arise from your sensual desires that are ever warring in your bodily members?

You are jealous and covet [what others have] and your desires go unfulfilled; [so] you become murderers. [To hate is to murder as far as your hearts are concerned.] You burn with envy and anger and are not able to obtain [the gratification, the contentment, and the happiness that you seek], so you fight and war. You do not have, because you do not ask.

[Or] you do ask [God for them] and yet fail to receive, because you ask with wrong purpose and evil, selfish motives. Your intention is [when you get what you desire] to spend it in sensual pleasures.

You [are like] unfaithful wives [having illicit love affairs with the world and breaking your marriage vow to God]! Do you not know that being the world's friend is being God's enemy? So whoever chooses to be a friend of the world takes his stand as an enemy of God."---James 4:1-4 (AMP)

"A calumnious abuse, too often repeated, becomes so familiar to the ear as to lose its effect."---Anonymous

OK, I can already tell you that this is going to be somewhat of a radical message because as you can tell, the title is, right?  However, as someone who has done a lot of growing this week, I am reminded again that with "obedience comes revelation".  Two years, or even six months ago, I would have not been ready to receive and/or understand something like this, but if you stay open, I think you might just be surprised how this lesson can help you and your own prayer life.

One of the best reasons to be open to surrendering your life to Christ---not just your soul, but your entire life---is that he sees all and knows all.  How can Jesus be the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8)?  Because he already knows what happened, what's happening and what's going to happen.  I must admit that I wonder how many of us really do believe that. 

There is a greeting card line that I just love called "Quotable Cards".  Now that I think about it, this company is making a killin' off of printing other people's sayings on cards, journals, magnets, etc.  Anyway, there are a couple of them that hang on my mirror as a daily reminder that I need to learn how to chill out more (of course, I shouldn't need a card to tell me that, Psalm 46:10 has already got that covered).  One of the ones that I hold near and dear to me these days is a quote by Max Ehrmann:

"Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

How do we know that we can have this assurance?  Philippians 4:6-7 (AMP) tells us so:

"Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

What does the Bible say gives us peace?  PRAYER.  But if it's that simple, how come so many of us are still stressed out, manic, unstable, unchanged?

Yes, I'm sure it's because some of us don't pray or pray enough, no doubt.  But as Michael Moore said in his documentary, "Sicko", this message isn't for the millions of people who are uninsured; this is for the people who actually are and you can best believe that when it comes to your daily walk, prayer is about the best insurance policy you've got.

And yet, again, so many of us are unsettled in so many areas of our lives.  We pray for ourselves and it seems like nothing is happening.  We pray for others and more times than not it appears like things are not getting better, but worse.  God said that prayer produces peace and we know that God is not a liar (Titus 1:2), so what gives?  The answer just may surprise you.

I don't find it to be the least bit coincidental that the promise of peace through prayer is followed with the following verse:

"For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]."---Philippians 4:8 (AMP)

I like the way the Message Version puts it as well:

"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious-the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies."---Philippians 4:8 (Message)

Now, if you did pray this morning, be honest with yourself.  How much focus was there placed on things that were true, things that were noble, things that were reputable, authentic, compelling and gracious?  Did you pray about the best and beautiful possibility of the matter or situation that concerns you or did you spend a lot of time cursing (the expression of a wish that misfortune, evil, doom, etc., befall a person, group, etc) instead of praising (the act of expressing approval or admiration; commendation; laudation) it?  When the Bible says that "death and life" are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21), I certainly hope none of us think this implies to everything but our prayer life.

I know that as I was praying about my own prayer life last week and how I could make it more effective, because I really do believe that God enjoys dialoguing with his children (Isaiah 1:18), I took to God his promises found in Proverbs 15:29 (NKJV), James 5:16 (NKJV) and I Peter 3:12 (NKJV):

"The Lord is far from the wicked, but He hears the prayer of the righteous."

"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much."

"For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayers; but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."

"God, if you hear and see the prayers of the righteous and if their prayers have lots of power, how come there are some areas where I see immediate results and some where it seems like nothing is happening at all?"

"Shellie, I called you to be righteous, not self-righteous.  In some areas you are humble and in some you're not.  That's why sometimes you see quick, clear results and sometimes you don't."

OUCH, but whatever.  My mother often says that surgery hurts but it cures and I'm sick of being sick when I have the insurance policy that can pay for my healing so if the truth will make me free (John 8:32), I want it, even at the expense of my ego/feelings.

I have shared several times before that one of my favorite scriptures right now is the Message Version of Proverbs 28:9:

"God has no use for the prayers of the people who won't listen to him."

If you want God to not only listen, but act on your prayers, you have to be willing to not only speak but listen to what he has to say---whether you like it or not, whether you are comfortable or not, whether it makes initial sense to you or not (Isaiah 55: 8-9).  Yes, God says that he will respond to the man who is righteous (acting in an upright, moral way; virtuous; good, honest, fair, right; free from guilt or sin), but really think about that: Who actually fits this definition on a consistent basis?  Who is always upright, moral or virtuous?  Who always treats people in a way that is honest and fair?  Who do you know that is always free from guilt and sin?  If you think that is you, then consider yourself committing your first sin because God says that anyone who doesn't find himself to be sinful makes God out to be a liar (I John 1:10) and we all know that there is no way that could be possible!

So are we doomed from the start?  Should we not even consider spending the extra 15 minutes or two hours that we do going before the Father since none of us are worthy anyway?  That is just the kind of conclusion the Enemy would want us to come to and as God always does, he has an answer for everything; even that. 

Like the Proverbs 31 woman, a righteous man is a goal that should set before us on a daily basis.  There is simply too much that comes with being considered righteous in God's eyes for you to burden (Matthew 11:30) yourself with the long-term or to get complacent in your current state (I go to church, I pay my tithe, everyone seems to admire and praise me so I must be righteous).  Oh please trust that today will provide you with enough tests for you to pass/fail/get an incomplete or withdraw from in the area of virtue, goodness and fairness.  This is why God advises us not to be overly-concerned with anything more than what's going on in the now (Proverbs 27:1; Matthew 6:34); it's when we don't that we find ourselves either being overwhelmed or arrogant.

This is also why God tells us that we are to confess our trespasses and pray for one another (James 5:16).  Obviously, in God's eyes, this is how we can continuously restore ourselves to a righteous state so that our prayers can be effective. 

Now, I love the fact that the NKJV describes our transgressions as trespasses.  When you trespass, what do you do?

Trespass: an unlawful act causing injury to the person, property, or rights of another, committed with force or violence, actual or implied; an encroachment or intrusion; an offense, sin, or wrong; to encroach on a person's privacy, time, etc.; infringe.

God said that if you want your prayers to be powerful, it requires confessing YOUR TRESPASSES so that YOU CAN BE HEALED.

Think about someone right now that you are praying for.  No, let's go deeper.  Think about someone right now that you are praying for who is getting on your last nerve.  How much time have you spent talking about what they said or did to you as opposed to asking God to reveal to you the ways that you (gasp!) may need to repent/confess to them?  Again, a trespass is not just a sin or an offense, but it's any time you cause injury to the person including their property or rights (And guess what?  They're choice is a right) or any time that you encroach upon their privacy, time, etc.

In my upcoming book, Dramaholics, one of the things I say is to be leery of the person who starts a conversation by saying, "Pray for so-and-so" because that's usually just the religiously demonic way of saying "I am about to gossip about so-and-so".  I know because I used to do it and on some days, I can still be caught slippin'.  I can't help but think that since James 3:9-10 says that I bless the Father and then curse men who are made in his likeness (this is why men should not be called "dogs" under any circumstances, ladies) and that blessing and curses should not come out of the same mouth, we have to watch ourselves so much more than we do anyone else.  This is a full-time job, which means that most of us don't have the time to talk about what someone else is doing all of the time; that energy needs to go into our own issues/problems/strongholds/weaknesses.  Someone may have just mistreated or has been mistreating you for days, weeks, months, years but as you are consuming yourself with their "need for salvation", you are missing out on what you need to be doing to save your own self: the confessions that you need to be making for your own health and well-being.

If you've never read "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis, please make the investment by picking up a copy of the book.  It's basically an if-you-ask-me-not-so-fictitious-account of a demon (Screwtape) training his nephew, a demon-in-training on how to entrap us.  In his third letter, he made a point that I think we all could stand to pay close attention to:

"It is, no doubt, impossible to prevent his praying for his mother, but we have means of rendering his prayers innocuous.  Make sure they are always very ‘spiritual', that he is always concerned with the state of her soul and never her rheumatism.  Two advantages will follow.  In the first place, his attention will be kept on what he regards as her sins, by which, with little guidance from you, he can be induced to mean any of her actions which are irritating or inconvenient to himself.  Thus you can keep rubbing the wounds of the day a little sorer even while he is on his knees; the operation is not at all difficult and you will find it very entertaining.  In the second place, since his ideas about her soul will be very crude and often erroneous, he will, in some degree, be praying for an imaginary person daily less and less like his real mother---the sharp-tongued old lady at the breakfast table.  In time, you may get the cleavage so wide that no thought or feeling from his prayers for the imagined mother will ever flow over into his treatment of the real one.  I have had patients of my own so well in hand that they could be turned at a moment's notice from impassioned prayer for a wife's or son's ‘soul' to beating or insulting the real wife or son without qualm.'

Whew!  Now, do you see why you need to pray for yourself before even thinking about praying for someone else?  We need God to give us the discernment to even know what to pray for/about so that in the pursuit of boundless love, we also respect boundaries.

Again, one of the definitions of "trespass" is "to encroach".  To "encroach" upon someone is "to advance beyond proper, established, or usual limits".  When it comes to someone you are praying for, how many people in the free world know that you are and what you are praying about (encroaching upon their privacy)?  How much energy/time have you put into letting the individual know about their "out of control" habits/issues (encroaching upon their time)?  This can also go the opposite direction.  You want a husband and you think you know who it is.  Your prayer band of girls: How much focus have you put into "praying for him to get right"?  Uh-huh, now be honest: Is it really about him getting saved because saved does not automatically mean that he will end up with you (as a matter of fact, not being with you may be the key to keeping him saved).  Do you need to confess the fact that in your pursuit of a certain person, place or thing you too have "advanced beyond proper, established or usual limits"?

When God told us that we have not because we do not ask, yes, sometimes the manifestation of our prayer requests are a matter of patience.  God is love (I John 4:16) and love is patient (I Corinthians 13:4) and so sometimes we just need to wait.  But the assurance of peace following prayer is a promise for everyone regardless of their circumstances and it doesn't give me the impression that you have to wait on it, either.  No, what the Word says is that when you pray with thanksgiving, the peace that passes all understanding will be yours.  What God has been showing me is if I don't have that peace it's because I have not been praying in a way that will bring that as a result.

James 1:3 (AMP) says:

"[Or] you do ask [God for them] and yet fail to receive, because you ask with wrong purpose and evil, selfish motives. Your intention is [when you get what you desire] to spend it in sensual pleasures."

Sensual things are not just sexual things.  The actual definition of "sensual" is anything "pertaining to, inclined to, or preoccupied with the gratification of the senses or appetites; carnal; fleshly."  We know that the flesh lusts against the spirit, right? (Galatians 5:17).

Some of us are praying that the person with "the problem" get better or remove themselves from our space when the spirit believes that keeping them around helps us get a clearer understanding of our own issues, which more times than not, is just what our flesh needs.

Some of us are praying that someone quit talking to us because what they are saying doesn't make us feel good (gratify our flesh), while our spirit believes that the rebuke and accountability is just what our flesh needs.

Some of us are praying to have our debt miraculously dissolved while our spirit believes that being responsible for our actions is just what our flesh needs.

Some of us are praying for a mate, a child, a home, a car, while our spirit knows that we are not taking good enough care of the friends we have, the surrogate nieces/nephews we have, the car/apartment that we have and so cherishing those things first is what our flesh needs.

Some of us are praying for change when the spirit believes that moving to the next level would take us out and so consistency, for discipline's sake, for now, is what our flesh needs.

"Lord, teach me how to pray."

We've read this request in the Scriptures and we've heard people say it, but if we want to see progress in our lives, it really is time that we learn it.  Why is this message entitled, "Prayer Abuse"?  Because that is exactly what so many of us do; we "wrongly" and "improperly" use this gift; not so much due to what we pray about, but the state of our hearts when we do the praying (because if our hearts were right, the petitions and their motives would be as well).  The truth is that many of us pray in a "harmful, injurious, or offensive way" or "harshly or coarsely insulting language" about others.  And, when it comes to self, many of us tend to try to "deceive or mislead" concerning our true intentions.

"Shellie, some things you claim to have been praying about for years, I haven't received as prayers.  Yes, you told me some things, you complained about some things, you whined and nagged about some things, but your heart was not in a place where it felt like a ‘spiritual communion' with me.  I love you and I will always be here to listen to you, but the assurances of peace and power comes from praying, not just talking, venting or getting some things off of your chest.  As someone who knows what you need before you even ask (Matthew 6:8), when you are praying for others, for real change to take place, confess your sins, first; not just to me, but if you have trespassed against them, make your confessions known to them as well.  You have discord in your life with others when humility and repentance are not in place. Pray against your sensual desires (solely what your flesh wants), second so that you can be healed and made whole so that you can better discern what to ask for, especially for yourself.  Many times you think you are waiting on me for certain things to come to pass, when I'm actually waiting on you.  Be faithful in the little things like how to pray and I will make you ruler one day on the manifestation of those prayers (Matthew 25:21)."

"Father, for when I have committed prayer abuse upon you, myself or others please forgive me and be gracious and merciful as I learn how to pray...better and more.  Amen."

©Shellie R. Warren/2007