by Sue D.
Member since:
December 16, 2006

Drunk again

September 03, 2007 02:07 PM EDT
views: 82 | rating: 10/10 (21 votes) | comments: 24

 

I have been thinking about something that is quite frustrating.  Yesterday I visited my brother's home.  He is my favorite brother, because he is so calm and caring.  He married his high school sweetheart and they have been married for about twenty five years.  His wife has been my friend since I was a little girl, and one of my greatest supporters.  Since my parents have passed, if I look for wisdom, guidance or support I turn to them.  The thing that has me frustrated is that his wife drinks.  Every night she has wine until she passes out.  When we went over to visit yesterday, she was slurring her words and passed out at 4PM on the family room floor.  I decided to cut our visit short. 

She is not a mean drunk.  She is actually quite happy, but she makes promises to my children and myself that she completely forgets about.  We have conversations on the phone, and I find myself repeating things over and over, because she has forgotten them.  As she prepares to send her baby off to college, it seems to have gotten worse. 

It is so frustrating to me, because she is a kind and caring woman.  I guess I am just thinking out loud, because I know that I will continue to look past her faults.  We have talked about her drinking before, and I always offer alternatives to occupy her time.  She is concerned about it, but it does not seem to stop.  I hate this.  I hate her addiction, but I love her. 

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Comments: 24

Dena Straughn Sep 3, 2007, 2:10pm EDT
There is so much substance abuse; human nature to escape reality, sometimes even when it is good; TV, Books, Hobbies. She needs to find her escape; we all do.
Sue D. Sep 3, 2007, 2:13pm EDT
I think it is the only thing that she does for herself. It is sad, but many women don't do enough for themselves. They are always taking care of others.
Juan J Martinez Sep 3, 2007, 2:15pm EDT
There is a group for the family members of Alchoholics. The name escapes me at this moment. Perhaps you can contact them and you and your brother can receive some support.
HEIDI F. Sep 3, 2007, 2:31pm EDT
sorry to hear about your sister in law. it's difficult to deal with problems like that.
Kelly M. Sep 3, 2007, 2:48pm EDT
Alcholism is such a terrible thing - it effects so many more than just the person with the disease!
© MrBill   Sep 3, 2007, 3:24pm EDT
This can be one of the more difficult addictions to deal with. It is often hereditary, the substance is legal, and the condition is to a greater degree socially acceptable. If she is about to become an empty nester, the situation is likely to escalate and become more dire. Can you talk to you bother about this? Is he a moderate drinker or does he also over imbibe? Sometimes a person can reduce their alcohol consumption, but most often the only way to go is to abstain. Either way, your sister-in-law would need to admit the problem and she would need support to recover.
Carla G. Sep 3, 2007, 3:33pm EDT
Have you spoken to your brother about your concern for her? The family could have an intervention. It would be good to take your brother to an Alanon meeting and get him some support and advice. Your sister-in-law will have to reach a point where she sees her need for help, but until then the family can be helped through support groups. Whether she is a mean drunk or a happy drunk doesn't matter. It is a disease that kills. And it devastates families. You are right to continue to love her regardless. I pray that she will see the light and seek help.
James B. Sep 3, 2007, 3:39pm EDT
It's a horrible thing.
Kylee **Queen of Karaoke** S. Sep 3, 2007, 3:46pm EDT
Very sad and I am glad that you are doing your best to help her. We have the same problem with some of my dad's relatives. We were at his sister's house yesterday for a housewarming party. There was a large keg along with several different types of other beer plus several different types of wine and two different kinds of martini's. While no one got obnoxiously drunk, they are like people who have to have their daily cup of coffee, they have to have their alcohol. What defines an alcoholic? Is it someone who gets impaired or can it be someone who although that do engage in harmful activities they have to have it? Not sure myself. Anyways, very well written, thanks for sharing.
Denise B. Sep 3, 2007, 3:47pm EDT
I feel for you, I know exactly what you are going thru, and I have no advice for I don't know what to do either.
Sue D. Sep 3, 2007, 3:59pm EDT
I don't drink, well hardly ever drink. I don't drink in front of my children, and I always have them. Once in a while my friend takes me out to play darts and we tip a few, while her husband watches the kids. believe me, those times are few and far between. It is strange to watch people drink, when you are sober.
Bundy P Sep 3, 2007, 4:44pm EDT
That's really tough, Sue.
Larry H. Sep 3, 2007, 7:41pm EDT
Sorry to hear about your sister in law problem. I hope you all well be able to help her over come it.
Monica H. Sep 3, 2007, 10:02pm EDT
That's a tough situation, especially when you say it is one of your close friends.
Sorry you are having to go through this difficult time right now.
J R B. Sep 3, 2007, 10:29pm EDT
You can suggest to your brother about Al-anon, but do not insist that he goes. This is a family matter. There may be underlying things causing this. Just explain to your brother you will be there for him.
Sue D. Sep 3, 2007, 11:15pm EDT
Thank you for all of your support.
wiaka's just ... curious Sep 4, 2007, 12:15am EDT
Sue; The only thing I can do is pray for her. I hope this is not causing problems in her marriage. God bless you for still loving and caring about her.

Blessings
andrew c. Sep 4, 2007, 2:10am EDT
it is a form of escapism i know well
Michele Scercy Sep 4, 2007, 8:36am EDT
Alcoholism is very sad. Just be there for her.
Elsie Duggan Sep 4, 2007, 11:17pm EDT
Sue, sorry to hear about your sister-in-law, and she will have to want to stop it for herself. I am sorry to say, my second son has alcoholic tendencies if you can call it that without being an alcoholic, he never drinks while working, I mean during the week, but every once in awhile, he will drink on weekends, and the woman he is living with right now, as he and his wife divorced after 32 years, because she drank, not him, doesn't like drinking, and he comes here now and then with a six pack of beer. He is fine when he comes, but after a few beers, because he doesn't drink them all the time, he becomes loud and you can't talk over him, and it is like it is another person. Bill and I told all of our children to be careful with alcohol because his father was an alcoholic, and I believe my father's father was too, and I think it really is a disease that has to be taken care of. Thank goodness he knows not to drive when he has even one beer, and I hope it never gets very serious with him. I know how you feel about going home early, because when my son becomes loud, I can't wait for him to leave, and I hate to say that, but it is another person leaving than the one that came in the door.
Sue D. Sep 4, 2007, 11:39pm EDT
I know exactly what you mean Elsie. It is like another person. My father was an alcoholic, and I tried desperately to help him. I couldn't. They are right. They have to want to change themselves.
Donald M. Sep 6, 2007, 3:00pm EDT
I have so much of it going on around me in the extended family. But there is absolutely nothing you can do. Just love and pray for them. Fortunately one of them has had so many tickets and wrecks the law has required him to put a device on his automobile. He cant start it until he breaths into this and if he isnt drinking the auto will start. Otherwise it will not leaving him stranded. I think this is a wonderful thing to have happened. It didnt stop the drinking period, but put a stop to it in the auto and on the road where he is dangerous to himself and others.
Nan G. Sep 7, 2007, 8:49am EDT
Alcoholism is hard on everyone, not just the offender. I agree with others that they must want to heal themselves and there is nothing you can do for them but pray. Some of what you said sounds like she is trying to escape. How often does she get support?

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