Arizona Cardinals Mascot Dies in Golfcart Accident

PHOENIX, Arizona. "Sparky", the tabby cat who was the Arizona Cardinals' mascot, was killed yesterday by a golf cart driven by special teams coordinator Gary Zauner.

"This is a sad day for the entire Cardinals family," said owner Bill Bidwill as members of the team's cheerleading squad sobbed quietly behind him. "Sparky was a real pro, alway doing his business in the kitty box, never on the field."

Sparky became the team mascot in 1999, after eating the team's previous mascot "Birdman", a cardinal that was kept in a cage behind the team's bench. "Somebody left the door unlatched one day and Sparky did what cats do to birds," according to defensive line coach Larry Brooks. "He shot in through the gap and sacked him."

Bidwill, the notoriously tight-fisted owner of the team, refused to spend money on a new mascot, and closed the cage door behind the cat, effectively pressing him into service. "That cat cost me an investment in the high two figures we had spent on that dumb bird over the years--I made him pay for it."

Larry Wilson, inventor of the safety blitz: "Bidwill wouldn't pay me, so I took it out on the other team."

The Cardinals are the oldest American professional football franchise, and the least successful. They have moved twice since being founded in Chicago in 1898, in each case escaping the rage of indifferent fans who gather at local airports to express sympathy for fans in the team's next destination.

Sparky became a fan favorite as he developed routines to reflect the action on the field, according to "Jen", a member of the Cardinals' cheerleading squad who was close to the cat. "When we'd get a field goal, he'd stick his little paws up in the air to show it was good," she recalled.