As I am known to do I was standing by the gate chatting with a neighbor when we noticed the car slow down then go down the block and turn around. Both of us wondered what the driver might be doing till it pulled in front of us and stopped. A fairly attractive woman got out with a broad smile on her face and walked towards us. There was a distant familiarity to her but I didn't instantly recognize her.
When my mind allowed the data from its rolladex to rise to the surface I felt a sudden rush of pain and animosity. Even the seemly forever time since September, 1981 had not erased the ugliness she brought into my life which had racked me with pain and frustration with her uncaring ways. This, a woman I had loved, but who had driven me to the point of nearly hating, was smiling at me as if I was a long lost friend she had been missing. With the same falsey presented poise and grace she purred, "Spencer you look well. I have missed you. I hear about you often but never see you out so I have been passing by here in hopes of catching you outside."
Upon introduction to the fellow I was chatting with she purred a greeting and turned back to face me. Like a private in the army at attention for a first uniform inspection she seemed to be posing for approval. In just the brief moments of her presence a long forgotten ailment she brought on was quickly taking over me. I had nearly forgotten the fullness and nearly breathless panic like attacks which she made the order of the day. I could depend on her to do something uncaring,inconsiderate, something totally selfish with no regard for me or her son. In a split second an entire reel of tape from her era rushed before me and I felt overwhelmed.
Though it finally came out I found it difficult to ask how and what she was doing in an attempt to be civil but to my chagrin after all these years she still controlled the worst in me. Her steps toward me as if to embrace a greeting were met with an automatic step back in retreat from her. Her plastered smile never changed and I could see the quizzical look in her eyes. Not one which questioned why I stepped back but from experiece I new it was her personal challenge which told her if she continued her process "he" would eventually fall to her desires. I was that lonely failure of hers who saw through the thin veil of deceit. The lone one who allowed her enough rope to hang herself and forced her to see inside herself. The lone one who pointed out her lifestyle which was abusive to her child. A child she refuse to allow to be in the way of her excessive partying, drinking and drug abuse.
We stared in each others eyes briefly though her recoil let me know it seemed an eternity to her. After a few words chatting as if we were old neighbors instead of lovers she bid me farewell and drove off. I stood there watching her drive down the street attempting to force all that venom back into its hiding place where it had been for 26 years.
My buddy made some remark about how sweet a woman she seemed.
Damn, if he only knew. That was Joyce.
|
|
|
More by Spencer T. |
recommend this
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 25
Thanks for sharing.
You artfully conveyed the discomfort, yea the unease and venomous nature.
Thanks for this. You are a master.
I am quite good at putting my differences behind me to carry on as if all is well. However, in the last renovation contract my husband did before going back to disability benefits, there was one woman who would take advantage of the situation and ask for him to do things for which she had no intent to pay.
She later argued that since they were friends, she had expected Kev to be fine with her requests. After all, she was another disability client who had limited funds. He suffered great physical pain to accomodate her requests. To each discussion regarding money, she put him off.
When the work was done, she tried to find ways to circumvent him being paid by re-directing money owed t Kev to her son-in-law and suggesting that they would bill us for Kev inability to finish the contract.
She was such a bother, that the people who approved the contract had her sign acknowledgement that she was difficult to work with--should there ever arise any backlash to the gov't agency involved. She was most annoyed at that turn of events.
However, within my healing work, I had once helped this woman. She considers herself to be an "enlightened" individual. very well educated and poised in her carriage.
I felt stung by her actions to the point that when her saw in a thrift shop about a year after the dust had settled (but prior to us receiving the final payment), I found myself standing in front of her. I merely stopped what I was doing and left the store without speaking to her.
I have always spoken to her and family. I had comforted her in moments of grief. I just could not find it in myself to go there this time. Several weeks later, we received the final cheque. She must have had it a month before she passed it on through the mail to us.
I personally know that she had planned to give that money to herson-in-law. However, I think that she tried and failed because the original gov't contract had been written up to pay Kev the balance upon final inspection. And she had never received permission to change any details.
However, we were several thousand$$$$ in debt at the end of the affair of working for her. And it stung. I could not retaliate. I could only turn and walk away.
Thank you for sharing.
My God! This is so full of honest emotion about (I feel) they type of person most of us can relate to at some point in our lives. Excellent doesn't even begin to describe this writing.
Featured in the group, Our Memorys,
with thanks,
Marilyn