My Daughter, My Friend

     I guess the old adage; "Children should be seen, not heard" was still in place when I was growing up.  I never felt that there was an adult who would really listen to me and understand where I was coming from.  As an adult, I find that we need to listen to our children.  What better way to find out what is going on with them?  I don't know of any.  Kids will tell you almost anything if you're willing to listen to them. 

      When I got pregnant with my daughter, all I wanted to do is make sure that we did not suffer from the same communication problems that my mom and I did.  I just knew that I could resolve all the problems.  I have a very positive outlook on life and even when I get kicked in the face, I still get up and try again.  I don't let life get me down too long.  My approach was to be as close to my daughter as was healthy for her.  I was so enthusiastic about how we were going to be able to get along, like two peas in a pod.  

     And we were like two peas in a pod; we were very close as she grew up.  Even as a teenager, we were close.  She never was ashamed of me and she would tell me that her friends thought I was cool.  I guess because I would drive them to their activities.  My mother began telling me that she felt that we were too close to be in a healthy relationship.  I began to feel that maybe we were.  My aunt had a daughter and she was trying to be her best friend.  Their relationship today is in total shambles.  I don't feel the need, and I told my daughter this, to be her best friend.  I want her to have friends of her own choosing and age.  I also have friends of my own age.  Otherwise, you become too dependent on one another for the wrong reasons.  I worried and worried about this for many years because my daughter and I are still very close and I want it to be a healthy relationship.  

      I was able to talk to a therapist about this and she said that there is nothing unhealthy about our relationship and that we can be as close as we want to be.  I was so relieved.  I finally feel like I achieved what I was aiming for.  My daughter is a very good friend to me.  She helped me get into the computer age and kept me current on topics.  We even went to college and took some of the same courses together.  (She made better grades)  I would often tell my daughter that I would always be her friend but when she needed her mom that I would also be there for her.  I feel so good as a parent because my daughter although has tried her fair share of rebellion, she has also shown good common sense and learned not to push too far.  She is not only a really good friend but she is also a wonderful daughter whom I love very much.