Boy, has fatherhood changed, what with Start Over Dads or SODs (men over 50 starting second families), couples waiting later in life to have kids, working dads taking kids with them on the job, and that’s just the guys running for President.
As Jodi Cantor so poignantly depicted in her piece in last Sunday’s New York Times, never in history have so many candidates with young kids been in the running for our nation’s highest office. I think this raises the hopeful possibility that we might see:
A president delivering a State of the Union with just a tiny bit of spit-up on his lapel.
A new cabinet-level post created for the Secretary of Daycare.
A national political figure (Fred Thompson is 65, his son Samuel is 9 months) championing the idea that the best strategy for parenting teenagers is to be dead, er, immortal.
The Breastfeeding in Public Amendment.
The My Kid Has a Sports Tournament Leave Act of 2010.
While the number and demographic profile of the dads in the running highlights the changes in modern families, these candidates are also throwbacks – guys that have decided that their professional destiny is well worth whatever sacrifice they may make in their role as fathers. That’s understandable in a candidate for president. But hasn’t history shown that it’s hard to be a truly great dad, and the President?
One easily imagines the central question facing the campaigning politician dads: kids in or kids out? Shield them from the glare, or bring them along into the spotlight? For me the most interesting contrast is between the “young” guys, the Democrats Barack Obama and John Edwards. These two families are a study in contrasts in their answer to this fundamental question.
The Obamas have decided to try to preserve the home life of their two daughters, aged 6 and 9 years, as much as possible. The kids will only attend a select few campaign events. While a heroic posture, and one that seems to hope for a “normal” life for the kids, I think this is the easy way out. Instead of tackling the difficult home/work balance that many dads face these days, Obama falls back on some pretty old-fashioned standards for gender roles. He is the fisherman waving to the family left ashore.
On its face, the Edwards’ decision to pull the kids (7 and 9) out of school and take them out on the campaign trail seems so politically self-serving as to be perverse. (Cute kids, photo-op, barf.) But there is also the possibility that they have decided that they will be together, regardless of professional circumstance, as a family. Given Mrs. Edwards illness, an even more compelling decision. It’s not pretty any way you look at it (and they’re pretty open about that), but their compromised situation somehow reminds me of how I experience parenting in a two-career household. Except I don’t have a 28,000 square foot house to retreat to.
Despite their privilege, the Edwards seem to be struggling with it, kids and work, public and private, and I can relate to that.
Age and party notwithstanding, there is a reasonable hope, based on the number of dads in the running, that the issues facing parents of young children in this country will end up on the political agenda.
Do you think that your evaluation of a candidate’s performance as a parent (we've got moms and dads after all) would affect your vote?
Clay Nichols, Family Correspondent:
Clay’s column, Dadventure, published twice monthly to Gather Essentials: Family, is a sure-fire guide to raising flawless, perfectly behaved, and always obedient children. Yeah, right.
Clay is the co-author of Filmmaking for Teens: Pulling Off Your Shorts, an award-winning playwright, and the Chief Creative Officer at DadLabs.com, a fatherhood website.
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Comments: 13
As to the question, yes, it will affect who I vote for, but so will many, many other things. At this point, I still haven't found anyone I want to vote for!
I would not expect that you would reveal how you would vote. I'm just curious: is your perception of what kid of dad (or mom) the candidates are going to color your decision, and to what extent?
However, there are issues that affect both families and the rest of the populous that make a better platform. Families, traditional and non-traditional, would be better off with accessible and affordable healthcare, a coherent energy policy, better oversight of consumer and mortgage lending, and a stable economy.
I do find the Edwards' situation interesting. Considering the circumstances, who could begrudge them the extra time to spend together as a family? And honestly, time spent sitting at a school desk can be over-rated; those kids can learn so much just travelling the country with their parents for a while.
Which sort of leads to Kristin's conclusion regarding politicians and the sacrifices they are called upon to make. But shouldn't that change at least a little. How would we feel about a woman making these decisions?
And thanks MJ F for drawing the Chelsea/twins comparison. Kind of hilarious to an Austinite, BTW.
I think that it won't really affect my vote. Some people are good parents and some are good leaders, often they are not both. My dad, for example, I would hire him to run my hypothetical million dollar project, but if I had kids, I wouldn't let them near him. Sorry dad.
I think that it does help the overall opinion or picture of them if the kids do seem to be well, though.
I strongly believe we need to make some changes, because I see lots of hard working mothers and fathers who do not CHOOSE to have both parents work but work because they have no choice. If one parent wants to stay home for awhile, they simply can not afford it. I am in full support of both working and non-working parents but when both parents work, pay for day care and still have trouble getting by, I think something is wrong. I see more and more stressed parents, we have soaring levels of childhood obesity and our school systems are in crisis in many areas. Also, the health system is not doing so well and more families are uninsured. So, yes, I'd support a candidate who genuinely understood issues affecting families and cared about parenting.