This weekend was tough. I kept thinking about my breakup.
I’m an emotional eater so of course as my diet was thrown out the window this weekend! Thursday night I had Chinese food, and Friday I had the leftovers…as a second lunch! Friday night I had pizza (3 slices) and 2 cans of Pepsi. Saturday was a day that I thought would be better. Not so much. The breakfast was healthy but then came lunch. My mom and I ate at the café on the 2nd floor of Saks. I ordered porcini mushroom ravioli and it came in a heavy cream sauce. Dinner was no better: a salad and a thick marinara square slice from my local pizza place, a can of Pepsi to go along with dinner. We then took a stroll down the block to Haagan Daz where I had my usual: chocolate ice cream with chocolate sprinkles with a sugar cone on the side. Instead of having a small, though, I went for the large one. Sunday wasn’t much better. Once again, breakfast was fine. Lunch was 2 deli hot dogs, french fries and cole slaw with 2 cans of Pepsi. For dinner was pizza and more Pepsi.
On top of the emotional eating, I was just so darn emotional this weekend. Friday night, I couldn’t do my full workout simply because I was exhausted so I stayed the full hour but my trainer went easy on me. He was very understanding. I took 2 Benedryl to put me to sleep Friday night. Although I tried not to, I couldn’t stop crying enough to go to sleep so it was really something I had to do. I woke up Saturday and decided retail therapy always makes me feel better. I got out of bed, got dressed, and headed into NYC to go to Saks for some fall shopping. I cried the entire way into the city. I filled up an entire large dressing room with clothes and ended up buying nothing. I don’t know if it was because I was miserable or if I simply didn’t like anything! I couldn’t decide if I wanted to have lunch, and you can see based on my 1st paragraph that I decided lunch was a good choice. After lunch, we left Saks and were walking up 5th Avenue. My mom was heading to Bergdorf’s and she asked if I wanted to come with her or go home. I couldn’t decide and broke down in a crying fit on the corner of 5th Avenue and 53rd Street…right in front of Brooks Brothers. I decided to go home. I cried the entire train ride back to my house. I broke down into absolute hysterics once I got home. I started speaking to my friend Nicole on AIM and she said to me, “I’m taking you out for Gino’s salads and ice cream.” An hour and a half later I was sitting in Gino’s having the salad and other things I mentioned earlier. We decided to head back to my house to eat the ice cream and we watched the countdown on VH1 “100 Greatest Songs of the 80s.” At 9PM when the countdown ended with “Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi as the #1 song of the 80s, Nicole left, I broke down, and went to sleep. Sunday was not going to be a much happier day. My mom, grandma and I went to the cemetery for my grandpa’s birthday, which would have been Saturday. We usually go around this time as the big Jewish holidays are also approaching. I was fine at the cemetery but when we reached the deli where we had lunch, my mom pulled out graduation pictures for my grandma to choose from. I got up and went to the bathroom and broke down. Why? Matt had taken the photographs for graduation. One of his hobbies is photography and he has an excellent camera. He was, in essence, “the chosen one” for picture taking by my family. Of course, I then went home and broke down again. I got myself ready for the week, took a Benedryl, started crying but can’t remember when I stopped because I think I fell asleep first.
This morning is better. It’s the first day I haven’t cried immediately after waking up. I haven’t even cried a little bit today. I know that time heals all wounds and I definitely see that as being the truth. It’s healed past heart aches for me and I know it will heal this one.
Thanks for letting me vent.