Fighting Your Mother

This morning my worst fear came true as I was packing and I was not ready for it.  My heart has been broken by leaving my poor dogs at the animal shelter and I have been half crying since yesterday.  I feel like I left the kids at jail or something similar to that.  As I prepared the house for prolonged abandonment I had no idea how much work it was going to take.  Everything that might spoil or die has to be taken care of, this means all my house plants and anything perishable in the house.  Its been hard enough dealing with everything else and then the knock at the door came.

I am not sure if my mother is psychic but no one I have told has much contact with my mother and she rarely comes to this house because of the way my father left to me and not to her.  She lives in a much smaller home and she is always been jealous of the house so I never expected to see her.  I answered the door and she pushed her way into the house and asked the big question, "Elizabeth, where are you going"?.  I went in the other room and did not answer her because I did not want to fight with her, my heart already hurt from leaving, I did not need this.  I went into my bedroom and started packing clothing and putting away things - I left her in the living room.  She followed me back to my room and started unpacking my things, at first I did not care what she was doing.  I just kept going and I would not pay any attention to her.  After 15 minutes of this packing and unpacking I stopped and asked her to "please stop that".  She came over and grabbed my shoulder really hard and pulled me back.  I felt threatened enough by this that I reacted to her by hitting her across the chest with both hands (it really hurt).  My mother's abusive nature was coming out and I could tell she wanted to try and hurt me -  like when I was little.  She looked at me stunned from my hitting her back and she asked me why I had just attacked her.  I told her I was not a little girl anymore and she cannot scare me like she used to.  She started crying, "if you leave rockland I am going with you", she said through her tears.  I told her she was not welcome to follow me and that I was sorry I had to leave like this.  She left the room and started unpacking my things in the living room, I came out of my room and yelled at her to stop it.  She ignored me and continued to try and fight me and I took both her hands and sat her down.

"Mother, I am giving you two options here, you can leave of your own free will or we can get the police involved", is what I told her in shaky voice.  At that point she became physically violent and started throwing things at me and I had to call the police!  She was breaking my things for no good reason and I had to stop her.  I tried to restrain her but she pushed me to the floor and I went to my room and I called the police again to hurry up and I locked the door.  I told the police the front door was open and when they got there I had to file a formal complaint against her and they put her in the back of their car and took her away.

I am been sort of numb since this all happened and I have been cleaning the mess she made.  She kicked my computer and it won't start now.  I am glad I also have a laptop or else I would not be able to write.  I only have one full day left here and I really wanted to avoid this.  I am now afraid that my mother will try and vandalize the house while I am gone and I am thinking about not leaving.  I don't know what to think anymore, I wish that things could have been better between us and she would not have acted so crazy.

I am not sure if I have the craziest mother that has ever existed or maybe I provoke her into se rages.  As a child I always felt that it was my fault when she would attack me, like some how I brought it on myself and its taken me many years to completely believe it was always the alcohol that made her insane.  She is not a person that can stay in control when she drinks and I am certain she had been drinking before she came over.