Nursing School Chronicles....the Darkest of Days....but I am holding a little birthday candle.

Remember that Peanuts comic where I believe it was Charlie Brown who said "It takes only the light of one candle to curse the dark".  Well folks....I have one of those candles.  It looks like a small birthday candle all waxy and melted.....but I am holding on to it....even if it burns my fingers.

It seems as though I won't be passing Peds.  It is not over til its over.....but I can pretty much say to pass is like charging at Windmills....but I am wearing my Don Quixote outfit and I am ready to ride.

Today I was sad.  Today I was angry.  I knew things were bleak.  And I was working myself into a tizzy.  I felt like I let myself down.  But more importantly I had let down the people who are so dear to me.  The people who have believed in me and have encouraged me to do amazing things.  Things I did not even believe I was capable of doing.  And it was devastating to think and know that maybe I have let you all down or made you disappointed.

So here I am walking out of work with a dear friend getting ready to rush off to another test all upset ......for the second time this week.  And he laughs at me.  (And if you should read this.....yes...you were laughing at me)  But I am glad that you did.  Because I was being ridiculous. 

So here I am everybody.   I may be a failure in the eyes of the instructor but let me share with you why I hope and believe that truly, truly I am not my grade.  And why I hope and pray that you will still believe in me and what we have done together.

This has been the best clinical experience ever.  AND I KNOW I say this every single time.  But if you had the opportunity to do what may be a very difficult job....but what must be one of the best jobs in the world.....you would understand.  That even when it is bad.....it can only get better.  Rest your eyes, this is gonna be a long one.....

PEDIATRICS

I have to be honest with you all.  I went in very excited.  But I also went in very naive.  I thought...kids....great!  I love kids.  But you know what.  I don't love what happens to kids sometimes.  It is absolutely heartbreaking and devastating.  You Peds nurses.....all I can say is wow.  I tip my hat.  I thought that Peds would be something that I would never want to do.  I still don't know.  But let me tell you something about Ped that is wonderful:

It is very busy.  It is very hectic.  Your patient is not only the baby or the child but also the parents.  Sometimes there are no parents....and that breaks your heart too.

But sometimes you get to hold a baby in your arms.....or stroke her hand.....or give her all the love you have and for a moment they are better.  You can help to a parent who is unsure or is anxious or scared.......if only to be a sounding board.  If only to give them a tissue.  You can be with child who has nobody and let them know if only for one shift that when you are in my care.....you are everything to me and you are loved and that I will never forget you or be able to thank you for letting me be a part of your life.  OF course....there is much, much more to nursing than this......but this is surely the best part.

I FELT LIKE A REAL NURSE

I finally had that moment.  The moment where I actually felt like a RN. Now this may sound all stoopid and nerdy but I really, really, really have to share my job and my moment with you all....because I would not be here were it not for your encouragement.

I had this baby for a patient.  We shall call him Darling Baby for the purpose of privacy.  He happened to have a NG tube.  A NG tube is a nasogastric tube thru which our Darling Baby was getting his formula and his PO (by mouth) meds. 

It was time for Darling Baby's meds.  He was getting Lasix (a diuretic) and erythromycin (an antibiotic) I was kind of curious why Darling Baby was getting erythromycin and a sub therapeutic level at that.  (That means enough to kill off the bacteria) This is what I discovered.  Have you ever taken erythromycin?  It makes your insides feel funny and sometimes makes everything run through you.  Well, in Darling Baby's case the side effects, were the desired effects.  It would jump start his metabolism.  Very interesting.  Only thing was......the erythromycin and the lasix were incompatible. (ie...you cannot mix them in a syringe)  So it would be even more important to flush the line (NG tube) between meds.  But the baby was already getting a diuretic (lasix) to get rid of the fluid and here I would be putting more.  SO I found out that I could let a 1/2 hour pass between the meds.  So I reasoned that since his feeding would be an hour away, let me give the lasix and then the erythromycin a half hour later. 

So I go in and I start by checking for placement.  In this case that mean putting a needleless syringe on a port and pulling back until I saw stomach contents.  Only I pulled back and I got 8 ccs of formula.  Which was weird because he ate some hours before.  So I rethought my strategy.  I changed it up and gave him the erythromycin first. And a half hour later  I went to check for placement and there was no formula left in the stomach.  wow.  Then I gave him his lasix.  Now you are probably saying. ....La B what the heck are you talking about.  I am not even sure at this point as I think I am crashing off my caffiene high....but seriously it was basic Nursing.  But it was exciting because I made decsioned upon my knowledge base.  I was very proud of myself.