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by Dale C.
Member since:
March 7, 2007

Bear Country - Chapter 1

August 20, 2007 09:30 PM EDT (Updated: August 22, 2007 08:52 PM EDT)
views: 1050 | rating: 9.4/10 (257 votes) | comments: 275

Bear Country  -  Dale R. Cozort            

 

            The Exchange came without a sound.  A perfect sphere of The World eight miles wide replaced a sphere of Bear Country exactly the same size.  The two gigantic masses of air, land, and water swapped realities without a tremor, without the slightest grinding or rumble. Rockport Illinois now sat in Bear Country.  A piece of Bear Country of the same dimensions now sat in the middle of Illinois.
            In Rockport, Sharon Mack stood at her second floor window with her seven-year old daughter Allyssa.  She looked around the little house, at the worn furniture, the pictures on the walls, the videos and the entertainment center.  They had seemed so important two hours ago and an hour ago.  They didn’t seem worth staying to protect now.  But I worked so hard for what little I have.
            Outside her window, the hot June sun blazed directly overhead, through a perfect circle of clear, cloudless air brought over from The World.  Outside the circle, out in Bear Country, dark grey clouds moved quickly, ominously.  Thunder rumbled in the distance. The perfection of the circle lasted for no more than a couple of seconds as air from The World and Bear Country began to mix.
            A helicopter in green and brown camouflage paint flew over, headed into Bear Country.  The noise of the motor faded, and the town of Rockport went silent except for alarms inside Summit Foods.  A dog howled.
            Allyssa said, “Somebody left their dog.”
            Sharon nodded. “Maybe they work out of town and didn’t get back.  We only had three hours.  We should have gone.”
            Allyssa looked at Sharon’s binoculars enviously.  “Can I look?”
            “In a minute,” Sharon said.  She looked out at Bear Country through the binoculars.
             Allyssa asked, “Do you see anything?”
            “I see where Bear Country starts.  The line cuts through the middle of the strip mall parking lot.  I don’t see any animals out there though.  No mammoths or sabertooth tigers.  Take a look.”
            Sharon gave Allyssa the binoculars,  then jumped as Rockport’s radio station came back on the air over her battery-powered radio.  The DJ said, “This is WGNB.  We’re back on the air thanks to an emergency generator loaned to us by the US marine corp.  We’re your source for emergency information for the next week or two, until the Exchange reverses and we rejoin The World.  In case you hadn’t noticed, we’re now in another reality—totally isolated from the rest of humanity, except possibly for several hundred convicts who escaped when their maximum security prison went over in an Exchange two years ago.  I have a sudden need to use the bathroom.  How about you?”
            Sharon looked at Allyssa.  “I should have taken you somewhere outside the Exchange, somewhere safe.”
            The DJ continued.  “In case you aren’t scared enough already, I have primatologist Dave Hennings from Northwestern University with me to talk about Bear Country. Dave, I’ve heard Bear Country described as Ice Age North America on steroids.  Is that about right?”
            Sharon half-listened as the primatologist responded. She caught fragments of the broadcast as she looked out the window and worried. “—our listeners when and where the first Exchange happened?”
            “The first Exchange happened five years ago on New Zealand's North Island,” Dave said.  “That’s actually one of the best places it could have happened.  New Zealand is one of the most geographically isolated large land masses on earth, so the Bear Country animals weren't able to spread far, even though we didn't have a response ready.  Also, the Bear Country animals on New Zealand were harmless—flightless birds and primitive rat and mouse-sized mammals.  There have been over 200 Exchanges since then and we haven’t always been that lucky.”
            Allyssa asked, “Where are the glaciers?”
            Sharon shook her head.  “We didn’t go back in time to the ice age.  We went sideways into another timeline.  Animals like mammoths and sabertooth tigers survived in Bear Country.  They didn’t back in The World.  The climates are pretty much the same.”
            On the radio, Dave was saying, “--big mystery of Bear Country is what you call the weird stuff.  The bats are the weirdest, but around twenty percent of the large animals In Bear Country are in the wrong place.  There are kangaroos in North America.  There are monkeys from Africa in North and South America. The weird stuff’s been here millions of years though, so there’s nothing exactly like it in our time-line.  The extra competition gives Bear Country animals their edge.”
                “How did animals get from Africa and Australia to North America?”
            Dave laughed.  “That’s the million-dollar question.  It doesn’t seem possible since their continents are in the same places ours are.”
            Sharon looked up at the sky.  “A nasty thunderstorm’s coming in from Bear Country.  A lot of wind too. What will happen when it hits the warmer air from The World?”
            Allyssa asked.  “Isn’t that what causes tornadoes?"
            "Great.  I brought my daughter into a world full of ice age animals, escaped convicts, and tornadoes.”  Sharon watched the storm clouds send tentacles of grey into the clear circle above them.
            On the radio, the DJ asked, “If you went out into Bear Country what would you be most afraid of?”
            Dave said, “Don’t go out there.  It’s against the law, not to mention a whole bunch of treaties.  And, of course, it’s just plain dumb.”
            “But what is the most dangerous animal in Bear Country?”
            Dave said, “Well, there are the bears.  There’s one the size of a Kodiak bear, but built for speed.  They’re dangerous.  And of course you have the 900 pound North American lions.  There are two types of sabertooth around; one of which routinely kills mammoths.  The biologists are trying to figure out how.  Then there are amber wolves, cheetahs, plus the tough plant-eaters like Mastodons and the big kangaroos.”
            “I don’t think of kangaroos as in the same danger class as sabertooths.”
            “These are.  Don’t mess with them,” Dave said.
            “There are a lot of things we don’t want to mess with in Bear Country.”
            Dave said. “That’s why we quarantine Exchange areas.  Bear Country animals are tougher than ours.  They would take over if they got loose in The World, especially the little seed-eater bats.  Think rabbits in Australia.”
            “So of those animals, which is the most dangerous?”
            “The most dangerous animals of Bear Country are actually none of the above,” Dave said.  “If you somehow get out there and see a pack of little green monkeys, do not approach them.  Do not threaten or harm any of them.”
            “So, dangerous kangaroos, dangerous monkeys, venomous bats—a lot of dangerous stuff out there.”
            Dave said, “Don’t count on anything being harmless out there.  Don’t count on anything being what it seems out there.”
            “I suppose you think we should know all of this.”
            Dave laughed.  “You aren’t biologists.  Why should you care?  Unless, of course, the place you live is in an Exchange.  What are the chances of that happening?”
            Sharon took the binoculars back and looked out into Bear Country.  Something small and green moved in her field of vision.  She focused in on it and saw a green monkey huddling in the grass looking miserable as rain pounded down on it.  As she watched, the monkey raised its head and seemed to look directly back at her with cold grey eyes.  Sharon abruptly lowered the binoculars and shivered. 
            “What?”
            “There’s a monkey out there.  It felt like he was looking right at me, right through my eyes into my head.  Just like—” She stopped, then looked down at Allyssa and continued, “Just like Sister West.”
            The doorbell rang just as the storm from Bear Country struck.  Sharon ran down and opened the door to find herself face-to-face with her ex-husband Darrel.  “What are you--”  She almost got her arm up in time to block the beer bottle he swung at her head, but not quite.

 

***

 
            Several hours later, Sharon stood at the top of a small hill and looked around her.  The landscape of this Bear Country version of Illinois appeared empty of people, almost untouched by human endeavors.  The ruts from the trucks she was tracking made an ugly, jarring exception to that, though the savanna grass was healing that wound frighteningly fast.
            “I shouldn’t have stopped,” she said aloud.  Stopping gave the pain a chance to flow in.  The physical pain from the bruise on her jaw and the rope burns on her wrists and ankles were bad enough, but she could push that out her mind, along with the stiffness from lying unconscious and tied up on a tile floor for hours.  She couldn’t push away the pain of knowing that Allyssa was with Darrel and with Sister West and her collection of loonies, undoubtedly terrified, undoubtedly crying her seven-year-old eyes out.
            A sudden motion made Sharon turn and move her hand toward her belt.  A green and yellow bat the size of a grasshopper jumped from a grass stem near her and fluttered away.  Sharon laughed nervously.  In the distance, hairy, elephant-like mastodons tested the breeze with their trunks.  Green monkeys scrambled between the bulky forms.  A ground squirrel stood absurdly upright next to its burrow and looked at her through the short grass.  The hot June sun of this early afternoon made her squint even through her sunglasses. 
            “If you didn’t stop and look around something might sneak up on you.”  The calm but unfamiliar voice came from not more than a yard away.  It sent her hand streaking toward her belt, where the pistol had been.  She finished turning toward the sound of the voice, acutely aware of her empty hand and empty belt.
            The man was tall, well over six feet, and strongly built.  He had a dark smooth tan and blond hair slightly disarranged by the wind.  His dress pants and shirt showed no signs of wrinkles or stains.  He appeared cool in spite of the heat of the June day.  The man smiled sheepishly, showing white, even teeth set in his square jaw.  “Rather childish of me to sneak up on you and take your gun.  You looked like you were out to kill someone, though, and I didn’t want it to be me.”
            Sharon closed her eyes.  “I don’t need a comic book hero to step in and bail me out.  I don’t need to start hallucinating.  I can handle this.”
            The tall man stepped toward her.  “You’ll need your gun.  My name is Leo and I’m quite real, but if you need a hero, I’m afraid I can’t help.”
            “How did you sneak up on me?  There was no place to hide.  And how did you get my gun without me feeling it?”
            “Sorry.  That's sort of like a magician and his secrets.”
            “What are you doing out here?”
            Leo smiled.  “Yes.  What are we doing wandering around in another timeline?  Risky, isn’t it?  We could get eaten by a sabertooth tiger, or we could stay too long and be stranded.  Tomorrow or the next day, or two weeks from now, the Exchange will reverse itself.  Rockport will disappear.  It’s like getting off on the wrong floor and having the elevator door shut behind you, except that the elevator will never come back.  That would leave just you and me in this entire world.  Well, not quite.  Just you and me, and whoever made the ruts.”
            “Like Adam and Eve.”  Sharon intended that to come out sarcastically, but she heard a tinge of wistfulness in her voice and she cringed.  She hastily added, “The elevator does come back.  There have been a couple of hundred Exchanges so far.” 
            “But they never happen twice in the same place and they rarely happen close to one another.  As to Adam and Eve, I’m sure you have someone back in The World to play Adam.”  Leo handed her back her pistol and walked off along the ruts Sharon had been following.  “Of course there have been enough Exchanges that an Adam might not be impossible to find over here.  That prison did come back with the guards murdered and the prisoners missing.”
            Sharon hesitated for a second, and then followed him.  “No Adam back at home.  I’ve trusted the wrong people too often, including one of the convicts that turned up missing.  I’m trying to break that habit.    Which reminds me, you still haven’t told me what you’re doing out here.”
            “Nor have you told me what you are doing out here, and on foot.  You haven’t even given me a name.”
          “Sharon.  Sharon Mack.  I started out in a jeep.  I hit a stump and broke the radiator.”
         “But you kept going on foot,” Leo said.  “Determined.  Or lost.  I'm guessing determined.  Well, Sharon Mack, I think you are trying to catch up with someone who stole something important from you.  Money?  Jewelry?  A car?  What is important enough for you risk your life out here?”
            “How do you—”
            “Know that?  You have a bruise on your jaw, probably from a club of some sort.”
            “Beer bottle.”
          “Ah.  And you have rope marks on your wrists,” Leo said.  “Someone clubbed you, tied you up and robbed you of something, but what?  Money would be worthless here.  Food would be worth its weight in gold here, but there is plenty in Rockport.  They took a person dear to you, a husband or a child.”
            “My daughter.  My seven-year-old daughter.”
            Leo stopped abruptly.  “And one of the people who made these ruts took her?”
            “My ex-husband, Darrel.”
            “And why did he do that?”
            Sharon turned so that the tall man couldn’t see the tears on her cheeks.  “He joined a cult.”
            “A cult?  Sister West and her crew?” 
            Sharon nodded.  “I heard that a bunch of their leaders got arrested for kidnapping and murder a few years ago.”
            “I heard about something like that.”
            “I think they plan to stay over here,” Sharon said.
            Leo nodded.  “That wouldn’t surprise me.  It would be a tough life if you weren’t prepared though.  What will you do if you catch up with Sister West and company?”
            Sharon sighed.  “I don’t know.  If I get a chance I’ll grab my daughter and bring her back.  If they’re guarding her too well, I’ll go back and get help.  They stationed Marines in Rockport to protect the town during the Exchange.”
            Leo nodded.  “Do the Marines know your daughter is missing?”
            “Yes.”
            “Then why aren’t you in a jeep with a bunch of Marines.”
          “Because I got the run-around from them,” Sharon said.  “I think something in Bear Country has them spooked.”
           Leo nodded.  “A lot of their high tech gadgets don’t work here.  No Global Positioning Satellites.  No calling in air strikes.”
            “And there are no weather satellites.  A storm caught them right after the Exchange and knocked out a bunch of their equipment.”
            “So you came alone,” Leo said.  “That’s very brave of you.  A little girl shouldn’t be taken from her mother.  Maybe we should have a talk with this Darrel person.”
            “Oh, I intend to do more than talk.”
            “And how do you intend to keep from ending up the same way as last time?”
            “Next time he won’t sucker-punch me with a beer bottle,” Sharon said.  “I almost blocked it.  I would have, but I didn’t expect him to have the guts to try anything.  He knows I have a black belt.”
            Leo stopped and smiled down at her.  “A martial artist.  How interesting.  You’re a tough lady, too.  Most people would be in a hospital getting checked for a concussion.  I suppose you could have taken your gun back any time you wanted to.”  He turned and walked faster.
            Sharon had to hurry to catch up.  “That’s not something I’d try unless I had to.”
            Leo scanned the horizon.  “I hear something.  Sounds like horses.”
            “Are there any over here?”
            “Yeah, the old North American kind that died out at the end of the ice ages back in The World.  They’re close.  They must be in some kind of little dip that’s hiding them from us.”
            Sharon could hear the hoof-beats too now.  A dozen men on horseback abruptly appeared over a low hill in front of them.  Sharon looked at the men dressed in tattered remnants of orange prison uniforms and said, “So much for Adam and Eve.  Looks like some of the convicts survived.”
            Leo looked worried.  “I’m sure they’d all be happy to be Adam to your Eve.  I hope you know how to use that gun.”
            “I hope so too,” Sharon said.  “If they try anything they’ll come up missing body parts.  That part I’d enjoy, at least today.”
            The convicts rode up, deploying in a semi-circle.  One of them said, “What do we have here?  A couple of strays from the flock?”
            One of them looked at Leo, turned pale under the dirt on his face, and talked quietly to his neighbors.  Sharon caught a fragment of the reply, “…don’t care who he is.  I haven’t seen a woman in two years.”  She reached down and eased her pistol out of her belt.
            A small, balding convict spurred his horse toward her.  The man was armed only with a spear.  The other convicts stayed where they were.  Sharon raised the pistol.  She aimed at the center of the man’s chest and thumbed the hammer back.  She hesitated, with the sight wavering slightly around her aim point.  The convict grinned and kept coming.  Sharon fired.  The pistol jerked against her hand, and the crack of the bullet echoed in the suddenly still landscape.
            Sharon thumbed the hammer back again.  A red stain blossomed on the man’s shirt, just over his stomach, and the convict fell off his horse.  The horse ran off, dragging him.  Sharon saw the man’s head bounce as it hit a large rock.  She shuddered, the anger draining out of her.  The semi-circle of convicts dissolved into chaos as horses bucked and tried to bite their riders.  One convict fell off his horse, which promptly kicked him in the chest with both hind feet and ran off.  The convict did not get up.
            The remaining convicts got their horses under control.  One of them looked at Leo.  “Don’t imagine you’d think about selling the girl?”
            “No.”
            Sharon looked at her tall companion.  She surprised a strange, intent look in his eyes.  It faded as she watched.
            “Okay.  Let us get what’s left of Joe and collect the horse that ran off and we’ll be on our way.”
            “Fair enough.”
            The convicts rode off with the injured or dying men slung over their makeshift saddles.  Sharon watched them go.  “What just happened?”
            Leo shrugged.  “Maybe you scared them off.  You’ve obviously practiced with that thing.  Only three of them had guns and they may have been out of ammunition.”
            “I don’t think that was it,” Sharon said.
            Leo smiled.  “Then what do you think did happen?”
            “I don’t know.  Who are you?”
            “Leo.”
            “That’s not enough.”
            “No, it probably isn’t.  By the way, you just shot a man.  You may have killed him.  How does that make you feel?”  Leo looked down at her intently.
            Sharon shook her head.  “I haven’t had a chance to think about it yet.  I had to see him as just another target, so I did.”  She turned away, and then was abruptly nauseous.  With strong, callused hands Leo gently pushed her head down between her knees.  After a couple of moments she felt good enough to stand up again.  She automatically replaced the spent cartridge in the pistol.  “I’m sorry.  I have to stay strong.”
            “That’s fine.  That’s a healthy response.  Taking a life is not a trivial thing.”
            “Darrel—”
            “You won’t kill him,” Leo said.  “It won’t come to that.  Come with me.  I think our luck’s about to improve.”
            Leo walked off at a right angle from the ruts they had been following.  Sharon watched him for a couple of seconds. “Where are you going?”
            “Looks to me like one of Sister West’s trucks broke down and they pushed it this way to try to hide it.  I’m a pretty good mechanic.  I may be able to get it going.”
            Sharon looked at the ground.  “I don’t see anything.”
            Leo nodded.  “They tried to hide the trail.  I almost missed it myself.”
            They walked several hundred yards before Sharon spotted the truck.  It was in a small valley, with branches piled over it.  Leo went over, opened the hood and looked around, then did something with a couple of wires.  The truck started.  He looked up at Sharon.  “Battery wire worked loose with all of the jarring from going cross-country.  Looks like they did custom work on the suspension to make that stronger, but one little wire did them in.”  He wiped his hands on some grass, then opened the passenger door and bowed.  “Your carriage awaits you.”
            Sharon shook her head and climbed in.  Leo drove back to the ruts they had been following and swung onto the trail.  Sharon scanned the horizon in front of her, then relaxed a little.  She pushed the pain to the back of her mind and watched the little dramas of life around her.  A tiny brown bat landed on the rearview mirror.  It looked at its reflection in the mirror, raised its wings, hissed a tiny hiss, and then flew away.  A bird swooped down at the little bat.  Sharon didn’t see whether or not the bat got away.  Half a dozen birds were flying near the truck, swooping down and snapping up insects and small bats disturbed by its passage.
            Sharon sniffed.  “I smell gas or exhaust.”
         Leo grinned.  “Nothing out of the ordinary.  You just spent a couple of hours without smelling any kind of pollution.  It reset your sensitivity.  I bet the engine sounds louder too.  You haven’t been hearing man-made noises lately either.”
            They drove on for nearly an hour. The truck crested a hill and nearly ran down a large cat-like animal as it fed on a buffalo calf.  The animal backed off, showing fangs as long as hunting knives.  The sabertooth cat made an impressive-looking charge toward the truck but stopped before it made contact.  Leo slowed down but kept edging forward.  The sabertooth backed off, then circled around the truck once they were past its prey.  It stood growling at them, then went back to feeding.
            Sharon looked over at Leo.  “Thanks for the carriage ride.  I wouldn’t have wanted to meet that thing on foot.”
            He grinned.  “Happy to be of service.”  The grin didn’t fade when Sharon pulled out a pistol.
            “Too bad it has to end now, before you drive me right into Sister West’s compound and deliver me to them.”
            Leo chuckled.  “I didn’t think I could quite pull that off.  I knew the truck bit was a little too obvious, but I didn’t want to spend the night walking out here.  I took the precaution of switching guns with you while you were climbing into the truck.  The one you have now is empty.  Yours was a revolver.  This one isn't.”
            Sharon glanced down at the unfamiliar weapon.  She shifted her aim point to a couple of inches away from his left ear and pulled the trigger.  The hammer clicked on an empty chamber.  Sharon looked at the gun, then at Leo.  All of the anger, frustration, and pain of the day was in her voice.  “I don’t care if you’re six-foot-four, outweigh me two to one and have my gun.  If the mind-games don’t stop right now, I’m going to tear off one of your arms and beat you with it.  Who are you?”
            Leo nodded.  “Okay, I deserved that.  My name’s Leo West.”

Expand Tags: suspense, first chapters, romance, science fiction, alternate universe
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Comments: 275

Jennifer Oliver Aug 20, 2007, 9:42pm EDT
Wow! You have compelling characters, vivid scenery, dialogue, action, the whole works. And now you've left me hanging with this first chapter! The best of luck to you in the contest!
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Pat S. Aug 20, 2007, 9:49pm EDT
I'll never stop loving Leo's "strong, callused hands". I love sci-fi mixed with romance. Terrific premise, a hero to die for, a smart, stong, motivated heroine, and a great hook! Yeah, you've set the standards high! Excellent!
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Jamie C. Aug 20, 2007, 10:46pm EDT
Good luck, Dale! I'll be back when the official voting starts!
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Judi F. Aug 21, 2007, 12:30am EDT
I like the addition of the first paragraph. Does GREAT world building!
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Vivian A. Aug 21, 2007, 2:11pm EDT
Awesome- be back to vote :)
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Denise B. Aug 22, 2007, 7:54am EDT
interesting. makes you want to keep reading. nice.
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Judy C. Aug 22, 2007, 8:44am EDT
Good work, Dale. Guess I have some serious competition out there, huh? Well, it wouldn't be a contest without it. This is a great story, can't wait to read the second chapter and find out who this guy is!
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James R. Aug 22, 2007, 10:34pm EDT
Hi Dale. This works well: good pace, strong characters and a pretty cool SF back story. I'll be back to vote later on.
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Rachael W. Aug 24, 2007, 1:41pm EDT
Good stuff Dale, I hope she gets her bastard of an ex-husband. Interesting world you've described.

Can I have a green attack monkey?

Good Luck
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Lisa "Queen Wombat" F. Aug 25, 2007, 2:46pm EDT
Dale - good stuff - I really want to learn more about the Exchange and how/why this works - if it isn't voluntary how do they know in advance to station Marines in the "exchanged" area?

Best of luck in the contest, and I will be back to read/comment at greater length when it starts.
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Dawn Addonizio Aug 27, 2007, 9:58am EDT
Truly engaging. Bear Country - I was thinking sort of westerny, roughing it w/ the mountain man hero. I was pleasantly surprised by the sci-fi! And I agree w/ Pat - Leo had me w/ his strong, callused hands too - he's not really planning to turn her over to Sister West??? Love all the animals you've got going here.

Dawn ;)
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Judi F. Aug 27, 2007, 12:42pm EDT
Thank you , Dale. I see you're 10 and raise you one. Well, I would if I could, so I'll just have to give you the single 10. :) Good luck!

In Over Her Head
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Vivian A. Aug 27, 2007, 1:15pm EDT
Dale, you make paleobiology sexy. Here are your gold stars- 10!

Don't forget to vote in the FC Romance Contest (only 10s count)
Thanks- Vivian A. Runaway
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Catherine Parker Aug 27, 2007, 5:15pm EDT
Hi Dale!

I already rated and wrote a review, but when I hit "Post," I was bumped off, and I had to sign in again.

So, here I go again. . .I'm not a fan of science fiction, but oh my, have you ever written an exciting piece. Exchanging worlds, very innovative!

I like the heroine. She was caught off guard once, but I suspect that her ex will receive the full impact of her black belt expertise.

I'm looking forward to reading more.

Best of luck
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Catherine M. Aug 27, 2007, 8:57pm EDT
Dale, this is wonderful. I completely enjoyed it, and I'm also completely impressed, knowing what I know about how fast you pulled it together. It's very good. I'd certainly read more.

Watch punctuation - you have a few minor errors. Nothing persistent, so I think they're mostly typos.

Good luck!

Cathy
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MARK L. Aug 27, 2007, 10:46pm EDT
Love your story! What a great concept. I am particularly fond of the science-fiction/romance subgenre. Here is mine: http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474977094430
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Sarah C. Aug 28, 2007, 1:06am EDT
Very imaginative and great writing -- held my interest and kept me reading! More emotion up front would be good, getting inside their heads for internal conflicts as the external plot thickens. Couple of issues with the opening/set-up. Sounds like the mother had a chance to get away from this Exchange with her daughter and didn't do it?? It's like sticking-it-out in a beach home in a hurricane to protect your TV -- doesn't earn my sympathy for her as a character/mother. Same thing about the ex with the beer bottle -- he's an ex-con, and she knows him, why throw open the door? Maybe if she didn't know the exchange were coming at all (or got stuck in a traffic jam getting out) and the husband steals the girl in the middle of the night... could work really well.
Intrigued by the plot and world! 10 Best of luck! :)
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Gina Robinson Aug 28, 2007, 12:16pm EDT
Dale--

You're a great writer! This is a very engaging story. I liked the Western feel to it. I'm one of those romance readers who wishes Western romances would come back. With the scifi element you have something new and original here. My only constructive comment is about the title. Bear Country doesn't shout romance to me. I know when it sells, the title will most likely be changed. Maybe in the meantime be brainstorming something with a little more romance oomph to it.
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Christine K. Aug 28, 2007, 3:53pm EDT
Having been a reader of romance novels all my life, and loving the ones that have a twist--I have to say that the way you set this storyline up is great. I hope you do well in this because I really would like to hear more! Keep it up.
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Jamie C. Aug 28, 2007, 4:31pm EDT
As a fan of speculative fiction, I can say this is a phenomenal science fiction story. I love the world building. A mix of ancient and present! Fabulous!

As a fan or romance, we've got two interesting characters and a devloping relationship - great job with that too. The heroine has great motivation and lots of guts. She fabulous. The hero is mysterious and strong but doesn't dominate the heroine. A PERFECT setup for an exciting romance.

Fantastic, Dale. Can't wait to see how this unfolds.
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Rebecca Goings Aug 28, 2007, 5:44pm EDT
At first, I didn't know what was going on. I figured the town was physically "transported" to another plane/time/world, etc., but I was confused, as there is no "date" to when we jump into the story--is this present day or future? It seems as if they knew when the next shift would come, and some chose to stay within the city? I'm assuming the hows and whys of the beginning mystery will unfold throughout later chapters.

However, I really enjoyed the exchange between Leo and Sharon. Classic romance set up, there, as he's not who he seems, etc. Personally, I thought he was one of the escaped convicts, and I'm surprised Sharon didn't wonder where he'd come from or ask herself if he *was* a convict himself. Even though he switched their guns at the end, I personally think she should pistol-whip him. LOL IT'S STILL A WEAPON!! :D

Great chapter.

~~Becka
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J R B. Aug 28, 2007, 7:09pm EDT
Very good, now waiting for the next chapter.
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Starr A. Aug 28, 2007, 10:36pm EDT
Wonderfully creative, Dale! An original setting with engaging characters, and enough motivation to carry a whole novel. Love the idea of convicts and Sister West's fanatics to deal with. I have to agree that the title is more evocative of a Discovery Channel documentary than a romance or sci-fi story. Minor problem. Also think it would be great to hear a little more internal angst from Sharon early on. After all, you seem to have left room for doubting that she did the right thing. And while Darrel and his beer bottle surprised me, wouldn't she be a little more cautious about opening her door? We don't even know how devious those little green monkeys are yet!

But hey, this is picky stuff. You have a stand-out story here, and I hope it finals.
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Anthony D. Aug 29, 2007, 12:27am EDT
As great as the draft was in POD, this is better still.
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Ken C. Aug 29, 2007, 12:32am EDT
Dale, I hope you won't take this wrong, but I think your writing has improved a lot since Char. Would it be presumptuous for the Wombat group to take some credit? You've crafted a good ride, I'm proud of you. 10, it goes without saying.
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Suzette Vaughn Aug 29, 2007, 2:20pm EDT
The begining is difficult to read trying to figure out The Exchange. I think if you explained The Exchange in a prologue then the story it would flow better. With the action coming even quicker(which is fabulous). Great story, Thank you and Good Luck.
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Paul Allen Leoncini Aug 29, 2007, 3:25pm EDT
Hi Im reading, voting, as many as I can Good luck. If you read my article make sure your viewing guard is off.
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Sheila Deeth Aug 29, 2007, 6:07pm EDT
Love the opening - very clear and intriguing. I find myself wondering why she stayed, did she know her husband was there, and how she does she know Sister West. Did he join the cult before or after being a prisoner?... I'm sure all will be revealed, and the story moves quickly enough that I only stop to wonder because I can't read the next chapter yet. Good luck.
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Jerrica K. Aug 29, 2007, 7:47pm EDT
Okay...so, I'm not a huge fan of sci-fi...and I'm not sure that this would be the book to make me one. BUT, I do admire your creativity and the way you built this world. There were some nit-picky things that bothered me...to many "He said"s, especially the ones preceeding the actual dialog...they aren't needed. A few typos here and there, but nothing major.
I didn't get much of a feel for the heroine and was a little unattached from the story because of that. I do love the hook at the end, though...there is briliance in that.

Overall, I think it's a great plot and an amazing world that you've developed, so I'm happy to give you a 10.
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Lynn H. Aug 29, 2007, 7:52pm EDT
I loved the story! You may have a winner here. Congratulations! Oh, and do me a favor, change it to U.S. Marine Corps (all capitals and with an 's' on the end).
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John Philipp Aug 29, 2007, 8:31pm EDT
Dale, I liked this story but then I love sci-fi. — though I can't remember when I was thrown into a new paradigm so quickly and adroitly.

You certainly made me sit up and take notice as "two gigantic masses of air, land, and water swapped realities" in the second sentence.

Immediately, the main character entered and I was into the story.

I think this chapter is a good example of slowly feeding in background information in a way that doesn't slow down the story. Sure I was a little confused in the first two pages but not so much I didn't want to solve this puzzle. And you slow fed me information at just the right rate to keep me involved. It was like solving the puzzle on my own and by the time I understood what was going on, I had invested in the story.

"She almost got her arm up in time to block the beer bottle he swung at her head, but not quite." was a great ending to the first scene though I'd suggest dropping the "but not quite." Not needed and more powerful to end without it.

What can I say? Leo is cool and mysterious and I like him. Finding out his last name is a clever way to end the chapter and build the suspense.

You're good at continuing to fill in the back story with action and while the plot moves forward. The pace and sentence lengths work for me and, needless to say, we have an interesting romantic setup that clearly won't be without its problems.

The only suggestion I'd have is to change the end of the convict scene. "Okay.  Let us get what's left of Joe and collect the horse that ran off and we'll be on our way." sounds pretty wimpy for convicts. Either foreshadow that we haven't heard the last of them (by something they say or do) and at least have a little bravado dialogue exchange. These guys think of themselves as macho and have probably had their way here for some time. They're not going to slink quietly into the night — at least not without sounding tough at a minimum.

Great start to a story I look forward to reading more of. Good luck with the contest. Dropping a dime upstairs.
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Dale C. Aug 29, 2007, 8:31pm EDT
Thanks for all the comments everybody! Lynn H: You are absolutely right. I made a last minute change from just saying 'the marines', to the full title and didn't put in the caps and the 's' at the end. Those last minute tweaks will get you if you aren't careful.
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Michelle S. Aug 29, 2007, 8:48pm EDT
Not a huge sci-fi fan but have to admit that I'm interested. I must've missed when she notified the marines that her daughter was missing....got a little confused in the dialogue. Good job and good luck!
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Lauren C. Aug 29, 2007, 11:35pm EDT
Wow, whether it's from this competition or not, I'm pretty sure we'll be seeing this book on Amazon.com! I love sci-fi and romance, and love that she's a black belt. No wimpy female leads for me, and another 10 for you.
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Nana Gill Aug 30, 2007, 1:50am EDT
Dale, Good, fast moving, and strong writing. I am not a sci-fi fan. But, I love your beginning and look forward to reading your second chapter.
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J.C. Alexander Aug 30, 2007, 2:51am EDT
Dale, I really enjoyed the alternate reality! As you know from my first chapter, I'm fond of playing with world jumping.

My first comment probably has more to do with individual writing voice than any lack of skill - I was a little confused by the timeline of events in which Sharon's daughter was abducted.

We leave her when she's clocked with the beer bottle, and we rejoin her when she's standing on the hill. I had to read the next part a few times to figure out that she woke up still in the house, she was tied up on the tile floor, somehow freed herself from the bonds, contacted the Marine Corps about her daughter being missing but was refused help, took a jeep to go after her, hit a stump and broke the radiator, then started walking.

It's all explained in the post-waking dialogue. I just didn't put it together until I read it over a couple times. I myself would have explained it differently, but that's why an individual author's voice is an individual author's voice. If no one else had confusion about it, just ignore me.

A few other things that struck me - did the DJ and primatologist stay in Rockport on purpose? Or did they get accidentally sucked into the timeline exchange? Do all timeline exchanges automatically cause power outages? If so, shouldn't the radio station have known that and gotten a generator of their own (during the three hours they had to prepare for the Exchange) instead of having to borrow one from the USMC?

And... oh, jeez, I hate to pull out my science hat but... mammoths and sabertooths died out because of the climate change. The glaciers receding caused their extinction. If Bear Country has the same climate as we do now, my biology degree demands me to ask: how did the species adapt to the climate changes? Could they possibly be hairless now? Or did their metabolisms somehow adjust to the increase in exterior temperature? Obviously many animals have changed... killer kangaroos! And are you going to answer in a later chapter how the African animals actually did get to North America? Inquiring minds want to know. At least mine does.

Okay, done, science hat replaced onto dusty shelf along with my Medical Terminology book. Feel free to ignore those comments as well. Once again, if no one else seems to notice, stick this post up on the shelf with my hat and the book. I just had to ask for my own satisfaction.

I did end up with the some of the same questions that previous posters asked... if they're answered later in the book, then that's fine. All does not have to be answered in Chapter 1. Why she didn't leave Rockport, especially as it turned out to be so dangerous for her daughter? Is there some particular reason she stayed? Did she have any reason to expect her husband to abduct her daughter? Had he threatened her in the past, etc?

I'm also dying to know how he magicked the gun away from her. I don't know if you've explained it earlier or later in the book, but I'm sure the description's a good one! My guess... maybe a restricted space Exchange that allowed him to 'poof' behind her, nab the gun, and 'poof' back? I'm guessing, here.

There's a ton of anticipation in this Chapter, and in addition to my questions above you've whetted my appetite to know if someone evil is behind the Exchanges or if they're a natural phenomenon, whether the hero is a good guy or a bad guy who becomes a good guy for the love of the heroine, whether... well, I can go on and on.

I really, really hope I can read more of your work, Dale. Good luck to you.
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J.C. Alexander Aug 30, 2007, 2:54am EDT
Just realized I switched subjects on you. The 'he' when I referred to Darrel her ex-husband is obviously not the 'he' I referred to when talking about Leo's magic trick. Sorry about that.
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Dale C. Aug 30, 2007, 8:01am EDT
J. C. Alexander: Don't get me started on the science nerd stuff. Aaack too late.

Warning MEGO (My Eyes Glaze Over) alert: The following is more than most people will ever want to know about why the big ice age animals died out:

mammoths and sabertooths died out because of the climate change. The glaciers receding caused their extinction. Now there you've stumbled into one of the biggest controversies in this branch of science. One thing pretty much everyone in the field in the field agrees on is that the big ice age animals didn't die out simply because the glaciers retreated. For one thing, what we call the ice age has actually been a long series of cycles where the glaciers advance, stay for tens of thousands of years, then retreat to about the position they are now for ten to fifteen thousand years. The times when the glaciers retreated are called interglacials, and there have been several of them during the ice age. Sabertooths, mammoths, etc survived all of the earlier interglacials, including at least one where the climate was considerably warmer than it is now. Second, none of those animals actually lived on glaciers. What would they eat there? During ice ages climate zones get pushed south, so southern Canada and the northern US have a climate roughly like what Greenland and Antarctica have now (covered with glaciers). Further south, southern Illinois might have a climate like northern Canada does now, while Florida and California have a climate sort of like the Midwest does now (and, by the way, had mammoths and sabertooth tigers. In South America, Africa, and Asia, parts of the continents remained tropical even at the height of the ice ages. Otherwise most kinds of monkeys and apes wouldn't have survived.

The ice age lasted around a million years. During that time, the glaciers advanced and retreated roughly half a dozen times and the ice age animals retreated and advanced too. About ten thousand years ago, as the ice retreated for (hopefully) the last time, most of the really large animals North America and Europe died out. Why? As I pointed out, it couldn't be that they had to have glaciers to survive. They had survived without glaciers several times in the past.

Scientists are sharply divided over what actually did kill off the likes of the sabertooth tigers and mammoths. Some claim that it was some kind of subtle climate change, not just the retreat of the glaciers, but some peculiarity of how they retreated this time and how the climate reacted to it. Others claim that these animals were killed off directly or indirectly by the first humans to reach the area. Still others have recently claimed that a major asteroid strike in northern North America somehow caused it.

I'm not going to wade into that controversy. The bottom line is that ice age animals could and did live in climates very much like ours for periods of tens of thousands of years.

End MEGO alert

Did you read any of that? I warned you. Now your eyes are all glazed over.

While I'm at it, I probably should respond to one other thing that has been mentioned a couple of times. Sharon and her daughter stayed in Rockport even though they had three hours to get out before the Exchange hit. I think that all of us agree that wasn't the smartest thing to do. As I make clear in the chapter, she realizes that too. Unfortunately, she realizes it too late.

The fact that she stayed doesn't make her a bad person or a necessarily a stupid one. A contingent of marines is staying in Rockport during the Exchange to protect it, though they can't be everywhere at once. The danger in Rockport itself is really no greater than it would be during a flood or an earthquake. The situation gets really dangerous only when the ex-husband takes Sharon's daughter out into Bear Country and Sharon follows him.

Lots of people stay to protect their homes during some kind of disaster where they really should leave. Are they all stupid? From a distance, rationally, we may think that, but when it is your house and the stuff that you've worked so hard to provide for your family, then the issue gets a little trickier.

I hope this doesn't come off as argumentative. It isn't intended that way. I'm interested in your reactions to this story and I hope people continue to react honestly to it. If you see something as a problem, I want to hear about. I can't fix problems I'm not aware of.
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C A. Aug 30, 2007, 10:02am EDT
Hi Dale! Oooh goody! I see you took some of my critique to heart!

Some, but not enough.....sigh.........

Dale, the info dump is too much..and OMG the green monkeys? Okay, I just laughed at that one. C'mon...a green monkey? Evokes comedy, not terror, fear, or even tension. Maybe change that to chimpanzees, and not green for heaven's sake! Am I nit-picking a single point? You betcha! Why? Because, it's obvious the green monkeys (snicker, chortle) are going to be back and important.

From out cold to a hill top. Where is my segue?

"Rather childish of me to sneak up on you and take your gun. You looked like you were out to kill someone, though, and I didn't want it to be me."

Umm...how could she look like anything other than unconscious when he took her gun? Logic gap.

I like Leo and Sharon's dialogue...one of your strong points, by the way, is writing dialogue.

"I took the precaution of switching guns with you while you were climbing into the truck." And just how would he be able to do that? Another logic leap.

I do like the way you took Sharon's too trusting nature out. :-)

Your premise is rather origingal, you've given your heroine "terrible trouble", and you've interjected a multi-layer hero.

More editing and you might just have something here.

Yes, Dale, this is worthy of moving on. I gave you a "10".

Good luck!
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J.C. Alexander Aug 30, 2007, 11:03am EDT
Dale, thanks for explaining the ice age phenomenon. I did read it, every word. :-) You're right, mammoths and sabertooths did not live on glaciers. You're also right that no one really knows why they finally went extinct. The theories that do exist are somewhat in conflict. But the glacier-receding theory is a commonly known one and you might find your published novel generating tons of letters from your readership demanding how such a thing could happen. Maybe Dave the scientist could toss out an additional statement like "No one knows why they went extinct in our reality but not theirs" kind of thing.

Oh, and in response to your comment about Sharon's staying... I don't think she's stupid for staying (I hope I didn't give that impression) but as a reader I'm just curious as to her reason for doing so. Was it an "I'll stay and protect the household" kind of thing or did she not have enough time to get out? Or did she just decide that the danger was minimal? I tend to put myself in the shoes of the heroine and it helps me to know what interior motivations are.

I'm rubbing my hands in anticipation of chapter 2. I'm so hoping some of my plot-thickening questions will be answered there.
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~Sia McKye~ Aug 30, 2007, 4:44pm EDT
Dale, I loved your story, I have been a science fiction fan since I discovered Heinlein and Foster.

I think you established why Sharon stayed in the paragraph and it is an understandable motivation. Who knows, maybe she had been thinking also of a respite from the ex. It would also be reasonable and logical that she would second guess her decision--its one thing hearing about exchanges and quite another living through it.

I like the fact that Sharon isn't some wimpy female. I also like your hero and the fact he isn't quite what he seems and the first clue of that was the convicts reaction to him, made me go hmmm.

The cool thing about making up your own world, is that it IS YOUR WORLD and so you get to make up the rules of what goes on there. It is an alternate world and since it is make believe, I tend to suspend the rules and beliefs that from our world. Hey I did it with Star Trek-all of them-and Jurassic Park (I figured we didn't actually LIVE during that time and most of what we know about that era is supposition and various theories, ditto the ice age--excuse me, various degreed scientists for the over simplification.)

I love a story that conjectures, what would happen if such and such happened in our world, what would the reaction be...like if exchanges really did happen. You can have a lot of fun with that. I think you are.

Good characters, interesting premise, conflict, chance of a good sizzle between two strong characters, cool animals, and a flow that propels you through the story. Sounds like a winner to me.

Sylvia
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Kristen W. Aug 30, 2007, 6:11pm EDT
I LOVE your descriptives. Excellent job and an easy 10! Can't wait to see your second chapter!!!

http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474977088735
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Imogene Q. Aug 30, 2007, 9:06pm EDT
you lost me in the first few paragraphs, I am not into fantasy.
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Dale C. Aug 31, 2007, 12:53am EDT
Thanks C. A., J.C., Sylvia, and Kristen.

Imogene: You obviously have definite likes and dislikes in terms of the various parts of the Romance genre. That's ok. If everyone liked the same thing the world would be a boring place. I hope you find entries that you do like in this contest.
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Barbara L. Aug 31, 2007, 1:04pm EDT
Dale,
I love this sci-fi hero and heroine setting, particularly the dialogue. The world you created is unusually thought provoking. You get a "10" from me for originality and a fantastic storyline.
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Susan L. Aug 31, 2007, 9:56pm EDT
I was confused through the beginning for the whole "Exchange". I think someone else mentioned the idea of a prologue to help the reader better understand what was happening. I know in my case it would have worked better for me, but I trudged on to the end. I'm not a big sci-fi reader, but this really had an interesting twist in it. I think the title doesn't really fall into a romance catagory, but I worked for a publishing company a few years back and a lot of times titles were rethought and changed to better suite a book.

Leo's anticipation of things had me thinking of a those stories where you meet God and he's in different forms to guide the way. The chapter ending was great. I'd definately be back to see your second chapter.

FORGOTTEN REINS
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Terry Shaw Aug 31, 2007, 10:46pm EDT
Dale,
You've set some really nice plot elements ... an uncertain amount of time for the heroes to succeed or be stranded in Bear Country, a whacko cult that snatched a little girl, Illinois with prehistoric animals. The writing also flows very well.

You may want to prune your explanations of how this happened just a bit, which is easy to say and probably hard to do, but that's my only real criticism.

And am I the only one to see the irony of a green mannequin complaining about your green monkeys? :)
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Sherrie Super Aug 31, 2007, 11:51pm EDT
Even though I'm not a huge fan of sci-fi, I found this intriguing. Leo West, in particular, piqued my interest. If I were to go venturing into another dimension, he might be just the sort of guy I'd like to have along. I enjoyed the Adam and Eve references and appreciated your humorous use of them at times, in particular with the convicts.

I also liked how you ended the chapter with something to keep the reader wanting more. So our hero is related (perhaps her brother, perhaps her husband....hmmmm...) to the villianous cult-leader? The plot thickens. That was a great hook and sets us up for some interesting possibilities. Nice!

Good luck in the contest!
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Ronald H. Sep 1, 2007, 11:19am EDT
Dale,
It grabbed me in the first two paragraphs. An unusual setup promising much to follow. I gave you a ten.

I will buy anything, but am a stickler for logic once the ground plans are up an running, so two comments. You established the exchanges happened all over the world and not close together. So in the vast emptiness of Bear country, how did the convicts show up close to Rockport so quickly? I question the time break to "several hours later." How could Sharon meet with the marines, drive far out of town, wreck her car and walk some more in just several hours? How about half a day later? You could move the time of the exchange to early morning.

Good luck. I hope to see more.
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Shari G. Sep 1, 2007, 11:50am EDT
Love it! And love your picture--
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Patti C. Sep 1, 2007, 1:57pm EDT
It feels a little mad max meets Star trek. Good story and yes I remember reading this it's a little different better. Glad I finally got around to reading this
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Charlotte Babb Maven-Fairy Godmother Sep 1, 2007, 2:09pm EDT
This is by far the best that I have read. The world is bizarre but convincing, the characters motivated, the description just enough, and the romance sufficiently irritating.
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Kathleen ♥ L. Sep 1, 2007, 5:46pm EDT
Okay, I did enjoy most of this... once I got past the Exchange segment. I say that mainly because on of my newer favorite Sci Fi writers, Wen Spencer, has a series set in a world where most of Pittsburgh travels through a dimensional gate into an alternate world where elves and magic are the basic order of the day, spends a month there and then a month back in the real world... See her "Tinker" series.

I am a SciFi and Romance fan so this falls right up my alley.
Sharon needs a little more depth to her... or at least some explanation as to her history both with respect to her ex-husband and to explain why she would choose to stay in her home knowing full well that they were going to end up in "Bear Country" for a while. If this is covered in the next chapter or two then please ignore my comment. I like find myself agreeing also with one or two of the above who mentioned the wimpy conclusion to the confrontation with the convicts and your time-line... as mentioned by Ronald H.
The science aspect is moot to me as I consider SciFi Fantasy a natural genre for suspension of belief and fooling around with physics and biology to a point... after all I see and read lots of books that include magic as a mainstay of their worlds!
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Claire C. Sep 1, 2007, 5:55pm EDT
This is so good. You definitely have a unique voice and writing style.

I had some of the same problems as already listed. I was confused at the beginning, but I think this is one of those things that the blurb on the back cover would take care of. In this particular forum, we just arent expecting to read something like this so we aren't mentally prepared to be dropped into the middle of the evolution of Bear Country. If I held the book in my hand, I would know what to expect as I read.

There were a couple of places I thought it bogged down a little like where he is "guessing" why she is chasing after Sister West and her crew. I also find it strange that in the chaos after she shoots the convict, one of them is calm enough to ask if Leo would consider selling her. She already shot one of them, why are the rest still there? And then this: "She surprised a strange, intent look in his eyes". I know I am missing something in there.

Ok, so that and the other stuff already commented on. Please tell me you aren't restricting yourself to marketing this as only a romance? So many genre's for you to pick from where this would be such a hit. I'm anxious to see which publisher will snap it up.
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Jennifer Oliver Sep 1, 2007, 6:17pm EDT
I've always admired folks who can pull off science fiction work, and to infuse it with romance takes it one huge step forward. I loved the intriguing and descriptive, almost other-worldly, setting that felt real to me, odd as that may sound. I got a kick out of Sharon's feisty nature ("If the mind-games don't stop right now, I'm going to tear off one of your arms and beat you with it." - one of my favorite lines!). Thus her tangle with Leo West at the end has me wanting to see the rest of the story.

Please, sir, may I have more?

Great job, Dale.

=:o)
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Rand Phares Sep 2, 2007, 12:49am EDT
Dale,

Excellent job on this. Good opening paragraph, interesting characters, wonderful dialogue.

Some nits: 1) a 'motor' is driven by electricity (think fans). An 'engine' is driven by fuel. So cars and helicopters have engines, not motors. The noise you'd most likely hear when a helicopter goes by, though, is that of the rotors. 2) I hit a bump when "Sharon pulled out a pistol". My first thought was that we'd already seen the gun, so it should have been "pulled out the pistol. But then we find out it's not the same gun as before, but she should have realized that when she pulled it out, not when he told her he'd made a switch. So that part seems a bit confused.

Good luck in the contest. You get my 2nd '10'.
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Jo C. Sep 2, 2007, 5:39am EDT
Best of luck in the contest, Writing Wombat (for those not in the know, it is a group). I like the dialogue.
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J.C. Alexander Sep 2, 2007, 3:39pm EDT
I'm glad I had the opportunity to look at your chapter again, Dale. Going through it an additional time helped me get a better feel for how it goes. Below I've got additional, more detailed comments on your work. I've done what you did for me and tried to capture my thoughts "free-flowing" as I read. I'd like to start with a few generalizations.

1. Your grammar, spelling, and use of sentence structure are all well done. I found very few errors and practically no lagging descriptors (which I admire you for since that's one of my personal weaknesses. I tend to adverb ad nauseum). In fact, I'd guess you've probably been an English teacher at some point, either in this life or one previous. Your writing style makes the whole thing a very easy read.
2. Your dialogue is excellent, but tends to contain a lot of 'info-dump'. Much of the information you share during conversation might be better presented in a non-dialogue, descriptive paragraph. One example would include my previous comments regarding how we learn what happened to Sharon between the time she was clocked with a beer bottle and came to be standing on the hill in Bear Country.
3. You don't spend much time describing your characters. Readers, especially visual readers, need a description of what the characters look like. I can't envision Sharon, Allyssa, or Darrel in my head, and they all seem to be main characters. You did a good job on Leo, though.
4. The first time I sent a novel in for editing, I got creamed on using multiple POV shifts. Great job on keeping your POV to the lead character in this first chapter.

OK, here's the skinny on the rest. These are my "free-flow" thoughts and as such, some may come out a little smart-alecky. This is not a reflection of your work but more the way my mind tends to come up with weak attempts at dry humor before I clean things up with diplomacy. You already know I love your book, so please don't take offense if something came out on the rude side. It truly isn't meant that way.

First paragraph, first two words: "The Exchange…" Use of capital letters makes it a specific event, something important. Good lead-in. Same paragraph: Shouldn't there be a comma between Rockport and Illinois?

In the next paragraph: I understand now why Sharon Mack stayed. Missed that the first time (sorry). I get the impression here of a single mom without many resources who's learned to count on herself, not depend on others.

I like the descriptive of the sky. Storm central meets clear weather. Not only an event in and of itself, but a good symbol of what's to come in the story. I hope.

Summit Foods? What is Summit Foods? A grocery store, a restaurant, or a wholesale food warehouse? If it's not going to play a role in the story, maybe tell us what it is instead of naming it. Oh, wait a minute… why are the alarms going off? Is this important?

The DJ's a bit of a smart-aleck, too, isn't he? "In case you haven't noticed, we're now in another reality…"

Sharon says: "I should have taken you… somewhere safe." Sorry, this still bugs me, this time from a mom's perspective. I would never say something like this to my kids. It implies that where there are now is NOT safe. Allyssa has got to be scared enough. Sharon should have this as a thought, not a statement.

I like the use of Northwestern University. Accurate placing for Illinois location. Makes readers who realize this more able to relate to the story.

Allyssa asks, "Where are the glaciers?" So a seven-year old can put together ice ages and glaciers? Not impossible, if she'd shown a special interest in them. But I asked three of my nieces (ages 9, 10, and 12) and none of them knew much about the ice age yet, or that glaciers filled the land in that period.
And in reading the next line over, it strikes me that what you've got with Allyssa's comment is actually the lead-in to a section of info-dump masquerading as dialogue.

"The weird stuff"… This Dave guy has got to be a hit with his students. I always liked professors who could keep it real.

How do they know the weird stuff's been there for millions of years? Do they have archeologists braving the dangers of Bear Country to dig up fossils in each region? If so, how do they get information back to "The World"?

"Great. I've brought my daughter… etc." Same as above. I'm not surprised she's thinking this, but she shouldn't say it aloud. And generally speaking, we're getting very little feedback as to what Sharon is experiencing on the inside, and that's important to relate, especially in a romance.

Skipping down several paragraphs, the next noteworthy statement: "Just like Sister West…" is a good anticipation-builder. She's being compared to attack monkeys, so obviously a sinister person. You can almost hear the "da da da DAH…" (think Beethoven's fifth in E minor)

What exactly is frightening about the speed with which the savannah grass is growing? Unless this is fleshed out later, it doesn't make sense.

Okay, next: Sharon moves her hand towards her belt when the bat startles her, then moves it to her belt again when Leo appears. Did she not realize the pistol was gone when the bat startled her? You don't say she actually touches the pistol the first time, but it makes me wonder.

In Leo's physical description you missed a very important element: eye color. Women readers have got to know about the hero's eyes, so we can envision losing ourselves in them.

The paragraph where Leo tells Sharon that the Exchange could end at any time is another good anticipation builder. Not only is Sharon on a mission, but she's running against the clock.

Should there be a comma in the paragraph that includes the dialogue "Of course there have been enough Exchanges…" My reading mind wanted a pause between 'of course' and 'there'.

When Sharon says "… including one of the convicts that turned up missing." Is this in reference to Darrel?

When Sharon says "I heard that a bunch of their leaders got arrested…" does that mean Sister West and crew were in the prison that was referenced to earlier? And was Darrel part of that, too? I'm confused, there's a lot going on. Hopefully it will be explained in more detail later in the story.

Ah, so there WAS a big storm. Too bad we missed it. The descriptives could have been fabulous.

"The horse ran off, dragging him." This is one of the few sentences that wasn't quite… quite. "dragging him behind," maybe, or "dragging him by the ankle that remained caught in the stirrup." Do these makeshift saddles have stirrups?

Biting horses? Please tell me this is specific to Bear Country horses. Yes, "The World's" horses bite riders when provoked, but not when the riders are still on their backs. I'm envisioning horses with giraffe necks now.

I'm having a hard time visualizing the event described in the next sentence. "One convict fell off his horse, which promptly kicked him in the chest with both hind feet and ran off." OK, the guy falls off his horse. He lands on his back. How does the horse get his hind feet to the guy's chest? When horses rear back, their front feet are the ones to come off the ground. Or if they kick, their hind legs extend backwards and could catch a man in the chest, if he happened to still be standing. I've never seen a horse kick a man in the chest with his hind feet while the man was flat on his back on the ground.

"She surprised a strange, intent look in his eyes." Oooh, I like this. Nice lead-in for romantic anticipation.

"With strong, callused hands…" Oooh, again. Nice descriptive. Makes me want to ask him to rub my back.

"After a couple of moments, she felt good enough to stand up again." The 'good' seems awkward here. Maybe use another descriptive instead? Well, steady, recovered?

Aha! Leo hid the truck there, that's why Sharon couldn't see the tracks. I missed that the first time, and so would any casual reader, but that's OK. This kind of subtly hidden innuendo is great for people who re-read books. They're like cookies, little bonuses of discovery for those of us who are compulsive re-readers.

The sabertooth vs. truck is a good, visual paragraph. The only thing that could make it better would be adding emotions. What is Sharon thinking? Is she afraid when the saber-tooth charges? Does adrenaline start running? Does she wonder who will save her daughter if she becomes kitty fodder?

"I'm going to tear off one of your arms and beat you with it." Love it! Yeah, Sharon! I love kick-ass heroines with a hidden soft side. I think your Sharon's a lot like my Daine.

"My name's Leo West." Da-da-da-DAH! Brother to the crazy lady, huh? This chapter-ending revelation will keep your reader wanting more.

OK, now that I'm done I have two more generalities.

1. The dialogue in the last page or so is good, but the… I'm not sure of the name for it… the lead-ins??? are a little ordinary. "Leo shrugged, Leo smiled, Leo nodded, Leo grinned, he grinned, Leo chuckled, Leo nodded." It makes that part of the story read more like a play. Fleshing those parts out a bit or replacing them with a more descriptive action statement would fix that problem.

2. Bear Country seems an inadequate title for the story so far. We haven't seen any bears yet, although there's already a whole zoo full of other animals. Do they play a role later on?

Dale, thanks for asking me to do this. Great story, and great job telling it. I'll be buying a copy as soon as it's printed. I want more, more, more!
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terri molina Sep 2, 2007, 5:09pm EDT
Hi Dale, as I mentioned a few weeks back, this has the makings of a good story, however I still think it has a long way to go. The new intro or prologue--which ever you're calling it--is a bit forced. The whole radio conversation drags the chapter because it's all info dump....imo-get rid of it. We don't need to learn all of this right now...weave it in all later as we're learning about the world and characters. Keep that first part strictly in Sharon's POV but show her weakness a little more. This They had seemed so important two hours ago and an hour ago is redudant. Just the "two hours" is fine or just say before.
When you move into the first chapter, again you rush it all. Leo's dialogue should be separate paragraphs from what he's doing because we're in Sharon's pov. Also, the dialogue (exchange) between the two of them is a bit stilted. She's much too open and trusting of a man who has just snuck up on her and stolen her gun. The incident with the riders is forced as well...I find it hard to believe Sharon would just shoot the man because he was coming near her. If she's a black-belt than it means her training also included how to handle any danger without the use of violence.
Back to the dialogue, you need more attributes to break it up because it reads like rambling. Don't force the story, let if flow more naturally, which means taking the time to develope Sharon's character. Right now...she's no one I can sympathize with.
My deepest apologies if this offends you. It isn't mean to.
Best of luck.

Terri
Dark Obsession
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Dale C. Sep 2, 2007, 7:24pm EDT
I hate it when the author hops in every couple of comments, but it has been 16 or 17 comments since I said anything, so let me start by thanking everybody for stopping by, and especially people with specific suggestions for improvements or those who point to specific areas that need improvement.

A few specifics:

Kathleen: According to the date stamp on the file, I finished my first novella set in the Exchange/Bear Country universe in July 1997. I wrote four novellas in that universe in the late 1990s. None of them were published, but I sent them to various prozines over a period of several years. I don't claim any ownership of the idea, but I was probably working on it quite a while before Wen's series came out.

Rand and JC: Exactly the kinds of comments I am looking for. There were a couple of other good in-depth critiques too.

Terri: I'll never be offended by an honest critique. I am a little puzzled by one comment though: You say I find it hard to believe Sharon would just shoot the man because he was coming near her. If she's a black-belt than it means her training also included how to handle any danger without the use of violence. I've had quite a bit of martial arts training and I've never seen any training for non-violently handling a man on horseback charging toward you with intent to rape you. I can't even visualize how a person could be trained to handle that kind of situation non-violently.

Martial arts don't really train you handle situation non-violently per se. The good schools do train you to handle as many situations as possible non-violently and to handle the rest with as little violence as possible. Every instructor I've had has emphasized that the minimal violence bit doesn't mean that you take inadequate steps to defend yourself when you are in real danger.

I hope this doesn't come across as argumentative, Terri, but I just genuinely can't visualize a non-violent response to the situation that doesn't end with Sharon getting gang-raped.

In any case, thanks for all of the comments, including that one.
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terri molina Sep 2, 2007, 8:19pm EDT
Not argumentative at all Dale. ;-) The way I was reading the scene, it was one guy, moving closer to her on horseback. Yeah, he had a lecherous gleam in his eye but he was still on horseback. Plus...unless you have Sharon assuming his intentions, you can't really know what was in his mind. Plus....weren't some of the riders afraid of Leo? I'd think they'd not make such a bold move with him there.
As far as the martial arts, I guess it depends on what type you've studied and how into you are....you is a general term. ;-) I know several martial artists and for the most part it's like a religion...Zen and all that and it makes them pacifists.
At any rate...it's just my opinion. Take what you can use---if anything---and toss the rest.

;-)

Cheers,

Terri
Dark Obsession
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Dale C. Sep 3, 2007, 12:13am EDT
Terri: I struggled with the ethics of this situation as I was writing it, but I think we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. I do appreciate you taking the time to read and think through the implications of my story. If you would like we can chat about this sometime after the contest when we both have more time.

All: I am interested in other reactions about what I have Sharon doing here. She has a convict galloping toward her. She thinks he intends to try to rape her, but cannot be absolutely certain of that. She has a couple of seconds to decide how to respond. Is what I have her do a reasonable reaction? What else might she have done?
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Barbara Boyer Sep 3, 2007, 3:37am EDT
great read. Not my genre but am looking forward to what's next. best of luck
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John B. Sep 3, 2007, 8:52am EDT
I am a Sci Fi nut. I love the story line thanks for the invite to read.
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James R. Sep 3, 2007, 9:19am EDT
Dale, as promised, back to rate your chapter. This chapter was quick to draw me in, with the Exchange adding a unique element quickly. I am amused that the radio commentors talk about this event just as they would a hurricane.

Your heroine, Sharon, is sympathetic. However, the action where she loses her daughter happens very fast and there might be room for expansion here. The existence of a cult makes sense here; in turbulent times, there are all kinds of extreme reactions to the lack of a stable societal foundation.

I also liked Leo. He is friendly, but not too much so. Again, he fits the environment of the story. Maybe too early to see if he is the love interest, but I'd guess so. I'm looking forward to reading more, so you have my 10.
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Maggie W. Sep 3, 2007, 11:57am EDT
I am finally back in to rate and comment.

Dale - please send me a note when you come to Virginia for the book signing. (This is a hardback purchase - IMHO.)

Likes: the plausibility prehistoric animals and climate - as you explained; Leo; the descriptive phrases; your writing style; Sharon; oh hell - I love this whole piece and really want to read more.

Dislikes/critiques:
The green monkeys. Sorry, I kept hearing the theme to the flying monkeys from "Wizard of Oz" and it annoyed me. (It also stayed with me throughout an audit kick-off meeting last week with our finance department. Me - sitting there grinning for no apparent reason while discussing a vendor audit was not a good thing. lol.) BUT I get that they are important somehow and they are just quirky enough that I can get past it.

I also had a problem with the scene where the horse kicks the convict in the chest. It felt like you might have deleted a sentence when you were cutting words for word count.

Other thoughts:
The title - where do you envision the book's placement at a book store? If it is in the sci-fi fantasy section, then leave it as is. If you see it in the romance section, then change it.

Sharon's reaction to the convict on horse back. Hmm, maybe I have just had some really bad life experiences but (convicts on horseback headed towards me) + (the "haven't seen a woman..." comment) x (dangerous surroundings + unknown motive of "hero") = high probability of gang-rape. Yeah, I would have shot him and probably would have added a second shot a bit lower - just in case.

I have to ask because I can't tell from your writing - and your name could go either way - male or female?
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Deborah M. Sep 3, 2007, 2:24pm EDT
Strong writing, strong characters, nice bits of description and science mixed into a palatable cocktail. This is definitely a 10.

The opening reminded me vividly, however, of Eric Flint's 1632. The similarities are too many to dismiss. Also, while you go into great depth as to what is being swapped, you make no mention of why or how this is occuring, how they can predict some of them or if they are trying at all to stop this from happening. It stands to reason, if they can predict a swap, they know the trigger or symptoms and would be working to stop it.

Just a few thoughts...
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Dale C. Sep 3, 2007, 3:36pm EDT
Deborah: I don't claim to have invented the idea of pieces of two realities swapping places. Neither would Eric Flint. The concept was used as early as the 1930's when some author had a New York skyscraper going into dinosaur times. There was a famous story in the 1940s called Timequake(?), where dimensions got scrambled. More recently, but before Eric Flint's 1632 came out, Steve Stirling wrote "An Island in the Sea of Time", where the island of Nantucket ended up about 3000 years in the past. I wrote and attempted to market a novella set in the Bear Country/Exchange universe in 1997, two to three years before 1632 was published.

How similar is Bear Country to any of these? Not very. For one thing, the reality hopping is an ongoing thing rather than a singular event, and it takes the area affected into an alternate reality initially without people, rather than to some part of our historic past. In other words, Bear Country shares a basic concept, but almost nothing else with 1632 and the many stories that used that concept before 1632.
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Kristy S. Sep 3, 2007, 4:24pm EDT
Dale~

You've got some great description, especially of the settings. I will admit I was a little confused at the beginning with the Exchanges as to exactly what they were and how they occurred. I think what intrigued me most out of the variety of animals, people and places was Sharon. I love strong female heroines who aren't afraid to get dirty, hurt, etc. to get what they want. Though I am left wondering who the magical Leo really is.
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Lisa "Queen Wombat" F. Sep 3, 2007, 5:01pm EDT
Dale - this is a lot of fun, and knowing the circumstances under which you got it together make what you've accomplished even more impressive.

I like the device of the radio show as a way to deliver exposition - I particularly like the sort of grim humor between the host and the guest. I think that you can probably cut some of it though. Also, it seems to me that Leo repeats some of this exposition later in the chapter.

Here's what I wanna know - how did the convicts get from wherever they were in Bear Country to near Rockport (in Bear Country geography, I mean). And definitely more about Sister West. It sounds like she is interested in taking her little cult out into Bear Country or that they've been there before. I think the latter wouldn't make sense so I'm guessing the former.

Oh, and I like the green monkeys! I thought that was hilarious and apropos. I think the undercurrent of humor here really adds a lot of charm to the book.

On to Chapter 2!
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Mischelle T. Sep 3, 2007, 9:17pm EDT
Dale,
I immediately thought Leo was too good to be true, the green monkies seem a little strange but then we have baboons....
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frank a. Sep 3, 2007, 9:32pm EDT
Hi Dale,

Thanks for the invite.

Your a good writer and your story is very creative and original, but I felt confused throughout. Seemed like you introduced new scenes and characters every couple paragraphs and I never really got straight who was who and what just happened.

The biggest problem I had was that since I didn't understand what was happening I couldn't get my head round your main character's motivation. As a reader, I also like a writer to challenge me by giving me information to help me figure out options that would help the hero. This never happened and each new revelation was just as confusing as the last one.

I liked the way you used the radio show to give us information about Bear Country wild life, but I think that vehicle might have been better used to explain the concept of an Exchange.

I gave you a 10 for a very original and ambitious read that could use some work.

Cheers,

Frank
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maria (lurking in the shadows of the night) B. Sep 3, 2007, 9:46pm EDT
i admit i was a bit lost at the start but reading on, it came together.

I like your characters and find myself intrigued. I am not into sci-fi but I will be looking forward to reading more of this. Intersting to see what happens in the relationship with Sharon and Leo. (Shame he is related to the Wests.)

Good luck in the competition
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Lorrie C. Sep 3, 2007, 10:12pm EDT
I am definitely looking forward to reading the rest of your book! Good luck!
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Kimberly H. Sep 4, 2007, 2:10am EDT
Exciting! Excellent writing skills! I was completely enthralled. Love your writing style and the world you created. First of all, I think books can have more than one genre, and can appeal to various audiences. I think you have sucessfully incorporated two worlds and two genres. Second, why does everyone want everything so technical? It's a book - with a Sci-fi background - aren't you suspose to have things you normally wouldn't. And even then, you make it sound belivable - good job. You asked for my critique, so here it goes......

The opening was great. I think a prolouge would actually distract from the story. I like how you don't really know what's going on yet. I think if you emphasize how the "Exchange" could last only a DAY, a week or month, and it's reversal in past situations, it would ease some of the other readers concerns about not leaving. Yes, there is always a danger when it happens, but so far it's been minimal and rarely seen. I you decide on a prolouge, consider a past "exchange" or the first "exhange"

You have a great descriptive voice, but maybe your not using it all the right areas? Describing the "line thats cutting through the parking lot" could separate the two worlds and help readers define the "Exchange" - Is it an imaginary line, a ray of light, a roll of caution tape, a huge bubble? what happens if the line is crossed?

I feel you could have started the next section off with more desription. Maybe is was sunset, or her jaw was swollen and aching from the beer bottle attact (I bet she could really use some asprin about now) and I like that the ruts she's following are already growing over - watching the grass grow, so to speak. I can see you elaborating here, giving us a sense of the time that has passed, without actually telling us directly.

Love the name Leo West, and the interaction between the two characters has an interesting dynamic - are they helping each other, or enemies? Makes me read on, wanting to find out. You might want to break up their dialog a bit, I think she would be a little more hesitant to answer some of his questions, or to trust him. Size him up, try to get information out of him, what is she thinking?

As far as the Marines, if the area is quarantined and it's illegal to go out, wouldn't they have arrested her is she approached them, especially if she had a gun? Unless her interaction with them is an integral part of the story later on, I would only describe their actions, or their "out of the ordinary" behaviour as being relavant to the surroundings, and what might have them spooked.

The meeting with the convicts needs more drama. Possibly, have another convict spearing the one she shot, just to finish the job and not have hear is moaning or something. I picture the wild horses being more restless and more difficult to control, even before the gun shot, I think they would be biting and lunging, they seem like they should be as scary as the convicts, and might look different from horses today.

And the green monkeys - a treat! Makes me think that you don't take yourself too seriously and adds a bit of humor. Now your chapter has humor, excitment, suspense and romance - did you leave anything out?

Can't wait to see more! Please keep me posted.
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Lori F. Sep 4, 2007, 9:57am EDT
Dale,

You have blended scifi with romance with wonderful results. Your character development is excellent. Your plot is original. Your writers voice is vivid and colorful, a must for romance.

You have captured your reader. Great job.

A well deserved 10.

Best of luck.

Lori
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Cindy F. Sep 4, 2007, 10:48am EDT
Very good, Dale. Good Luck in the contest!
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Elizabeth Alan Sep 4, 2007, 1:06pm EDT
Good effort Dale. The Sci Fi is different for me. Good luck in the contest. Our debut novel, Morning Coffee, is entered and we hope you stop by and take a read and leave a comment.

http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474977084082
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Stephen Prosapio Sep 4, 2007, 1:34pm EDT
Remember those commercials? "Orange Juice, it's not just for breakfast any more." – After reading Bear County, one could say, "Romance, it's not just for girly men any more."

I'm kidding. Lighten up people!

Seriously Dale, I'm glad to see this entry. It is rare for there to be new and creative blends of genres and this qualifies in spades! The opening flows smoothly; it is just enough mystery to draw you in and information is provided in an adequate manner. While some might have issues with the radio announcer interview, I like it. I'm so sick of reading internal monologue flashbacks one page in that ANYTHING different is good. You pull the reader from line to line, paragraph to paragraph. Your character emerges through her actions, dedication and bravery. We as readers get to SEE her in action fighting for her child. Bear County deserves to move on in this competition due to a variety of positives:
1. A fresh and new story line.
2. Clean, clear writing that makes for a smooth read.
3. Good interaction between the heroine and the hero.
4. A good blend of action, information, and intrigue.


I do have a couple nits –
Dale, I don't care how you try and explain it….you CAN'T HAVE A BRUISE AFTER A COUPLE HOURS OF BEING HIT BY A BOTTLE. I've been hit by a beer bottle….in the face….I know of what I speak (I'll write about it some time). It swells but does not bruise for at least a day or two. Secondly, why the heck is the ex-husband hitting her with a beer bottle in a premeditated attack? Wouldn't he have used a club? Baseball bat? Stick? A beer bottle is not something swung to hit someone from behind a door. Hmmmmmm. These are "little things" but these little things do need to add up so that we trust you moving forward in your story. When I stop and shake my head at something that is not possible, then it makes me less likely to willingly suspend my disbelief of Leo's "magical abilities" to get her gun. If you're trying to do a timeline delay or something here, then don't confuse us with "a few hours later."

I like the action. I like that she shot and killed the prison guy. I'm SOOOOOO sick of heroines who are too timid to ever hurt anyone…and then they end up in trouble. That type of situation, shoot first – deal with &$%# later. Any other response would be unrealistic, in my opinion.

Your hook at the end is superb! To end with a line of dialogue that is dramatic, but not melodramatic is very difficult to do. Bravo! I'm obviously giving this a 10, and hope to see more of Bear County in Round Two.
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Pat S. Sep 4, 2007, 1:48pm EDT
The October issue of Romantic Times magazine has an interesting article in which authors of both science fiction and fantasy are interviewed. They discuss the differences between the genres, which includes a discussion of how romance fits in with these genres. In a nutshell, science fiction tends to be future based and focused on technology; fantasy tends to be more historically inclined, and focuses on world creation and non-human creatures; romance is character driven, and focuses on emotional connections.

In Bear Country, Dale Cozart deftly blends and blurs the lines between all those genre distinctions, and in so doing, creates a style all his own. Using a yet-to-be explained device known as the Exchange, Dale maintains his character's connections in the present time and place, while at the same time, upending them into an alternate timeline, where sabertooth tigers, mastadons, and, more treacherously perhaps, a band of escaped convicts roam.

It is into this topsy-turvy environment that Dale tosses his heroine, Sharon Mack. She is flawed, and real, and human. In a gamble designed to protect her property, this single mother instead loses her daughter. In Bear Country, Dale perfectly captures the desperation, determination, and sometimes reckless courage of a mother who will rescue her child at any cost.

Whereas Sharon wears her emotions on her sleeve, Dale's hero, Leo West, gives away nothing. He is enigmatic, slyly charming, all dark secrets and danger. In other words, the perfect hero of this genre-blending romance. He maybe wearing clean, neat dress clothes, but one gets the sense that something dangerous lurks under that unwrinkled façade. Something powerful enough to intimidate even escaped convicts. And this lethal man has stepped in as Sharon's guide and protector in this strange world.

I find it interesting in reading the other comments that some think there is too much info about The Exchange too early, and others are jumping up and down demanding to know more. Any time a reader is asking questions, wanting to know more, that's a good thing. As any good stripper would tell you, the best audience response comes with slow revelations; always leave them wanting more.

I've been privileged to watch this novel evolve over the last few months, and have a very good sense of what's gone into this. I've seen the information about The Exchange moved different places, and find this portion of the information most satisfying right where the author has it now. Enough information is provided to get the reader started. In speculative fiction, unlike forms of romance with which readers may be more familiar, it's important to provide more than normal environmental information up front, in order to paint the background against which the heroine's/hero's conflict plays out. I trust the author to feed me more when I've had time to digest this. Deftly woven in are all the elements of romance; a strong, sympathetic heroine with whom a reader can identify, a dark horse hero, and a conflict driven by emotion.

This chapter is unique among the romance entries I've read so far, and well deserving of a 10!

One more thing. As a tender skinned, easily bruised woman who has been hit in the face (fist, not beer bottle), I'm telling you that a bruise can indeed appear very, very quickly. Just depends on the person.

Congratulations, Dale, and good luck!
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Michalea M. Sep 4, 2007, 6:29pm EDT
Hi Dale, I had voted earlier without commenting. Strong writing. Good style. Best of luck to you. Sci-fi romance is even harder to place in a genre than fantasy romance, or so I've heard from various editors and agents. Have you heard ave you heard about Futuristic, Fantasy, and Paranormal Romance Writers of America (http://www.romance-ffp.com/) and their Far Side contest? You'd be a natural for them Would appreciate your comments on Lord of Aby