Choices

Every wish has an element of choice--a preference for this over that. Sometimes the choices are between the better of two goods, and those choices can be painful.  Friday night I had a chance to go out partying with my classmates, a last hurrah at the end of our two year MA program. I was feeling very fragile emotionally, and was afraid that if I went, the alcohol might push me over the edge into maudlin collapse. So I didn't go.  I took care of myself instead of going along.

I missed them not only that evening as I went to bed early (they stayed out until 2am) but the next day as they napped between a ritual good bye ceremony and our recognition dinner.  I wished that I had gone with them, that I was on the same time frame, and in the same space.  Ah, but wishes only work for the future, not the past. Nto even a fairy godmother can unmake a choice, though she can make the best of it. 

One of our cohort of six went home last night, another has already flown to see her daughter early this morning, and the last four will spend the day together once we are all packed. I will leave late this afternoon, and the others one at a time Monday and Tuesday.

Goodbyes are hard, and we all say that we will stay in touch. That is a wish I can surely grant myself, to stay in touch with these sisters of mine, scattered from Vancouver to Zurich, to see how we open to this new phase of our lives.