Tell it how it is

chuckles 08 of 09

Tell it how it is

Ah, poets and wordsmiths one and all

let's sit here by the campfire

and tell the buggers how it really is from

In the beginning God created

the glittering heavens and miserable earth

and didn't notice the Big Bang

because He was too busy during

six days and six nights of overtime

to pay heed to convoluted evolution

but on the seventh day

He'd had more than enough

and rested by mowing the lawns

and said to Mrs God

that He'd see Her later

after a round of relaxing golf

when He'd come home bearing

fish and chips with salt and vinegar

fried in 10 secret herbs and spices

and then after a cold beer or three

slumped in front of the TV

They could talk to Each other

about the lousy state of the universe

that was going to the dogs

along with the fruit loops and stock exchange

to all of which Mrs God replied

with a sniff that He didn't love Her anymore

and why couldn't He be more like hot Diablo next door

and that He hadn't told Her for ages and ages

He loved Her even a little bit or how nice She looked

or brought her roses as He used to before She married Him

perhaps it had all come to this because She had nothing to wear

in her crowded wardrobe full of rags

and why didn't He take Her out anymore unless He was ashamed of Her

but Mrs Beelzebub next door had already had a face lift

and breast augmentation the other day just before

she and Diablo went on holidays to warmer climates

whereas He did nothing but play golf

drink beer and play poker with those no-hoper angels

yet just never made time for Her anymore as He once did

and left Her to look after the kids

with surly young Adam having discovered girls

and Eve pestering about apples, pantyhose and a trainer bra

while both of the ungrateful little sods were doing lousy at school

and that He'd better buck up or She'd have a nervous breakdown

or leave Him and sue for a divorce and to hell with the pre-nup conditions

Ah, poets and wordsmiths one and all

sitting with your mouths hanging open by the campfire

let's astonish our adoring public and tell them how it really is

 
See also:

01 Stricken

02 Bomber

03 Revenge

04 Attitude

05 Oz Beach

06 Down Lavender Lane

07 On the Seven Days

000 Tinkles, Musings, Humour & Short Series - Table of Contents