Do you see yourself in the mirror?

i came here to give you a look
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I've never heard it come from any of my children, but I've seen the world of difference there can be from a teacher who doesn't like his or her job, to someone who does.

In 4th grade, my daughter's teacher was a bit of a tyrant, and almost enjoyed making life difficult. Now, my daughter is a chatty kathy kind of girl, BUT, she has gone through life getting good grades, staying on top of homework, etc. In 4th grade, suddenly, she was getting poor grades, missing homework, and we were being called about twice a month to "fix her problems" (the teachers words, not mine). We struggled through. The teacher did a lot of excess work, a lot of work above grade level, etc, to "Prepare them for 5th grade".

Come 5th grade, she had a very easy going teacher who was willing to work with the kids if they had problems, and make sure they were keeping up, and getting their stuff done in class instead of assinging it, and watching them flounder. There was a WORLD of difference between the two teachers, and how my daughter reacted and learned under them.

Keep in mind- not all teachers DO care.

All well and rosy, but have you considered why a child would think a teacher did not like him/her?

If I went home and told my mother that a teacher didn't like me, I would have gotten beaten. She would have thought I had done something wrong. Then I would have gotten beaten again when my stepfather. I couldn't do that all the female teachers love me. only had a few male teachers.

GOOD ADVICE! Meeting the teacher is always the first step.
(or should be)

I teach, also, and there are kids I do not like. Their manners are bad. They are unpleasant. They disrupt class. And I do my best to treat them they way I want to be treated. Eventually, if they stick around, they realize that I dislike their bad behavior. They usually learn to behave and we get along fine after that.

There have been teachers who did not like my children. They waited to tell me there was a problem until they were ready to strangle both of us. I don't let them off the hook. If you let something snowball, whose fault is that? But I never blindly take the word of my child, who is at best, giving me half the story.

Pax tecum.

I had a teacher who didn't like me. I don't think he liked anyone. I felt sorry for him. Until he gave me a C on a quiz I got every answer right on. I think parents ought to be their child's defender. If my child tells me their teacher doesn't like them I'll be finding out what's going on and probably asking for a new teacher.

Having been on both sides of this fence, I agree that you need to meet the teacher. I have had a child in this position, but I know that children will often exaggerate. My daughter is good at dramatizing things like this. So, yes, if my kid tells me a teacher doesn't like them you bet I will be finding out why they think that and what the problem really is. I'll defend my children when necessary, but I don't let them get away with stuff like that.

Very good advice. Love your icon, btw!

My son had a teacher who did not like him, that's not the one he complained about, he complained about the teacher who liked him and expected him to do his best. Funny thing about kids, some of them know when they can pitch a fit and it might change things and some just pitch a fit because they don't like the world because it won't do what they want. Intervened in both situations. The one who didn't like him we asked to look at what he did well and we asked our son to do his best. the other one we asked to keep pushing our son forward and asked our son to continue to do his best. the goal for our son was to do his best. We listened, and supported our son, but also supported the teacher in a way they could challenge our child.

lifes too short to worry who likes you and who doesn't. Im gonna try and teach my kids as long as you like yourself don't worry about it!

LOL Carol!!!

Old wisdom: The teacher is always right. New wisdom: The child is always right. I don't know how teachers can teach when there is not adequate interest and support from the parents. Best advice: if it does sound bad, talk to the teacher.

I used to think I wanted to be a teacher. I'm glad that aspiration never came to fulfillment. You have it rough!

Carol - I've never had any of my kids suggest a teacher didn't like them (thank God). That being said, when I was a student aeons ago teachers were different. I can remember watching a teacher pick up a student by the hair and toss him into a metal paper towel dispenser. Though I think corporal punishment in schools was not a bad thing, I'm glad teachers can't behave the way they did when I was a kid!

Carol

R U

Carol,
I loved your response at the end, offering up one last daughter to appease a parent.

As a gifted kid who didn't want to be different, I frequently told my mother teachers didn't like me. I'd get angry when I had teachers who would call me on being lazy. The last straw was when a teacher kept calling on me in front of the class because she knew I knew the answers. I told my mother she was picking on me and she got me out of the class the next day. Silly me, my new class was boring.

Being a teacher and a parent I see both sides of this blog... but... I strongly think you should always listen to your child first. IF the teacher does not have bad feelings towards your child then perhaps the reason your child feels that way should be explored. And you should drop in on the class to help out from time to time to see how EVERYONE relates. There are kids who play their parents out there but I have seen way to many teachers that play the parents as well. Our job as parents is to be there for our kids.

This is the price of our "everyone is equal" society. Parents push their kids too hard to achieve things they may not be able to, and when they cannot meet these lofty goals, they blame the person they think kept them from achieving them: the teacher.
People of all ages would rather blame someone else than face the fact that maybe they just aren't as good as they would like to be.

I would love parents to come and sit in on my classes. I invite them. Let me tell you that child that tells Mom he's being picked on would be the first to cry foul. If parents saw some of the behavior in class. I remember one girl who flirted the entire hour with a boy whom her parents had a restraining order against. I tried to keep them separate as court ordered, but this would just anger the darling duo. Teachers are not perfect, but remember their in charge of not just teaching but adolesent feelings. Schools should be called, "Hormones gone wild." If you're a teacher, try dealing with that kind of behavior, and kids will feel picked on for sure. The above story about the girl and young boy: He wound up in jail. She's all right thank the good Lord. I could go on with the war stories, but I would commend any parent to come to class and watch their children. TIP: My idea: If a teacher reads straight from the book, dump them!

you know when we first move here to the small town my then 13 year gave this school system hell, coming from a big school, getting away with alot, and here they dont let that happen.. After many trips up there threat from hubby and all, it took the vice principle to say You know young man, you know why you mom/dad come here, he said because you call them,, He stands up hands on the desk firmly and firmly states " NO because there are folks that care about you" ever since that he has been honor student, and the vice principle top footbal player,, I love the teachers here we should work together,, because we all care

sorry carol that was long,, but you hit a good point there....

Good point, thank you.

Me, too. Both sides--I "subbed" for the local middle school here for a couple of years--tough neighborhood...not much you can't learn (as an adult) in a middle school. I used to think of the kids as over-heated bee-bees in a cigar box. Don't know what they were doing, but they were going there f-a-s-t.

And, I had three great, brilliant, beautiful, talented, gifted, awesomely creative kids. And they sometimes tell the truth...and sometimes, not. And they were sometimes wonderful, and sometimes not. What they are is humans. (mostly) Teachers are also humans. (mostly) They have good days and bad days like everyone else. Tough to have a bad day with 30 pairs of 12 year old eyes scrutinizing everything you do...

When the kids would try that on me, I would call them on it every time.
(everything is two pronged...)
1) It is your JOB to get the teacher to like you, just as it is my job to make sure the boss "likes" me enough to pay me on Friday. Your report card is your paycheck.
2) I will meet with the teacher (TOMORROW morning) before school, and you can come in later, after the meeting--and we'll let you know if she really DOESN'T like you.
It takes 30 minutes to get something straightened out directly with the teacher.
It can save you, AND your kid, AND the teacher--a couple of rough months.

You GO Carol. If I could double all teachers salary tomorrow, I would.

I decided not to teach--based on my experiences subbing "uppina hood" AND my slightly non-conformist attitudes--it was NOT a good mix.

I do know there is misunderstandings. As my daughter last year was in kindergarten. She thought the teacher didn't like her. She couldn't understand why her teacher hated her when she loved her teacher and would just literally break down each day. Because she was always being punished and moved away from the rest of the kids. You see my daughter is a special needs child...plus she has a hearing problem. She has been placed in a regualr classroom....which makes it harder for my daughter. So when I talked with the teacher she soon understood where my daughter was coming from. This is the same teacher who would not take the time to listen to me during open house or teacher conference. But once she did. Things started going better for my daughter in her class room. My daughter actually started to learn.

I don't think they could pay me enough to be a teacher. I love to train adults but I'm not sure I could put up with all the heartbreak and or crap you get from parents.

My child had a teacher so bad I actually volunteered 2 afternoons a week just so I could observe (on the advice of another mother who told me things WERE really bad for my child). He was being accused of being gay by a kid who was supposedly his best friend and she laughed in his face about it! (these were 2nd and 3rd graders!) This was among other things such as assigning him extra work that the rest of the class did not have to do. She accused him of being disruptive when she assigned them to work in groups (he was not supposed to talk or make any noise whatsoever - everyone else could though) I learned from other parents that every year she picked on one student all year long! This was a mixed age class for gifted and talented- the "noise he was making was humming - he did not even realize he was doing this. When I confronted her about it and told her he was very musical she just laughed and said he was doing this on purpose! He survived with a lot of help and he was not in her class again for 3rd grade! We got the last laugh though with a generous college music scholarship for choir and band!

Do you see yourself in the mirror?
by Carol Talking to myself, so I'm always right! D.

Your tag line clearly states why the premise of your article is skewed.

Over the years I've heard this from my son also. Most of the time, he was being overly sensitive. I would often explain the difference between a teacher being firm and mean. Most of the time, he realized that it was not a dislike. We did, however,
have an incident where he was patient, we worked through what seemed to be unfair (it seemed that way to me also after awhile) until almost the end of the school year when it was glaringly apparent that she really didn't like him. I wrote a letter to the principal with a copy to the teacher. The teacher did call me about it and I pointed out to her where I did believe she had a dislike for some reason for my son and I cited instances where she treated him unfairly. She was also advised that it was to stop immediately or my next letter would be to the next in line above the principal. It did and gratefully, the school year ended soon afterward.
It does happen, but parents need to watch and see if it is reality to everyone, not just the child.

I think that most teachers are like you, Carol, and students do get manipulative. Unfortunately, however, there ARE instances of teachers who do not like a few students and parents need to be wary when a child's performance suddenly falls off or when a child who used to enjoy school suddenly does not anymore.