The Red Suitcase - Part Two

Part One 

Part Two

The night of the prom I was practically giddy as I readied for the evening.  Momma and Daddy were excited too.  The Burkefield's were a well to do family in the county.  Daddy saw it as a chance to marry off his daughter and have one less mouth to feed.  Momma saw the same things I did in Clayton – a chance to have a different future for me than what she had. 

Daddy allowed $5 for my prom dress.  That was a lot considering much of our clothes were made from flour sacks.  Momma and I worked hard and made the most beautiful pink gown.  Momma even used some of her egg money to get me blush and lipstick to wear.  I pinned up my auburn hair in ringlets and did my best with the make-up.  I thought I looked the prettiest I had ever.  I hoped Clayton would think the same.

Momma walked and stood behind me.  I was sitting at the vanity in the room I shared with my sisters.  She reached around and placed a string of pearls around my neck.  "You look so beautiful, Tangela Marie.  These were your Grandma Lucille's.  She gave them to me, as her oldest daughter, when I went on my first date with your Daddy.  Now I'm passing them on to you."  She leaned down and kissed me on the head. 

"Thank ya, Momma."  I fondled the pearls and looked up at Momma lovingly.  I heard a knock at the front door and immediately butterflies and jitters kicked in.  "Oh Momma, I'm so scared."

"It's okay, sugar pie.  You'll be just fine."  She grabbed my hand and helped me stand up, then gave the dress a once over to make sure there were no stray threads and that it looked right.  "You look beautiful darlin'.  Now," she reached in her pocket and pulled out a dime, "in case you need it."  She raised her eyebrows and nodded her head, then smiled.  

As we walked downstairs, Clayton and my Daddy stood up.  I could see the relief on Clayton's face that I had come to end Daddy's inquisition.  He looked incredibly handsome in his black suit, just like a movie star.  He handed me a pink carnation corsage and I placed it on my wrist.  Momma insisted on pictures by the dogwood tree.  

After the pictures, Daddy walked up to Clayton and placed his hand on his left shoulder.  "You have my girl back 'ere by eleven, young man, ya understand?" My father had a very serious look on his face and a tight grip on Clayton's shoulder. 

"Yes sir, I understand."  Clayton smiled and took my hand.  Daddy let go and we walked over to the car.  Clayton opened my door and I got in.  I knew he was so glad to be leaving.  Daddy could be a very intimidating man. 

We went to Mrs. Lucy's restaurant in town, where we met up with four other couples that were friends with Clayton.  I had never eaten at a fancy restaurant, except when Aunt Fran came down from New York to visit and took the whole family out to dinner.  But that was not formal.  I felt awkward yet excited, and oh so shy. 

At seven thirty we went to the school where the prom was held.  As we danced, I had trouble keeping Clayton from touching and kissing me.  I liked it at first.  I liked the attention.  I was a good girl though, and didn't want to let things go too far.  Clayton was handsome though, and I had all those dreams – those suitcase dreams now included him.  I was quite silly over the boy. 

It wasn't long until I noticed that Clayton was irritated about something, and that his kisses seemed somewhat awkwardly timed.  Finally I saw out of the corner of my eye the object of his irritation, and I realized I was but a pawn.  May Twawick was about twenty feet away, dancing with her new boyfriend, Andy Hodgson.  She'd catch Clayton's attention with a kiss to her new beau, and then Clayton would react and kiss me. 

I wanted to cry.  I wanted to disappear.  All my hopes and dreams dashed in a second.  Clayton did not really want me.  He just needed me to show May he had someone too.  He was not over her.  "Clayton, I wanna go home please."

Clayton pulled back from me and grabbed my wrists.  "What? We just got here, what do you mean you wanna go home?" 

"Clayton, it is obvious to me that you're still in love with May and you're just using me to make her jealous.  I won't be used like that.  Please take me home now."

"You're not goin' home, Tangie.  You're bein' ridiculous.  Of course I like you.  Come on now, let's have a good time." 

Clayton tried to pull me close to him again to continue dancing, but I pushed him away.  "Clayton, no.  I wanna go home.  If you won't take me, I have some money and I will just go call my Daddy to come get me."  

"Tangie, look, I'm real sorry.  I have acted terrible.  Yes, seein' May with someone else has made me jealous, but I ain't in love with her no more.  I do like you, a lot.  You're so beautiful.  Those gorgeous blue eyes and that soft hair." He reached his hand to caress the right side of my head, gazing into my eyes.  "May ain't got nothin' on you.  I want to forget May and get to know you.  I'm sorry for how I been actin'."  He looked at me like a sad puppy dog.

Looking back now, I kick myself for being so gullible.  I just so wanted Clayton to be my knight in shining armor that would take me out of Braun Hills and into the world.  With that little speech of his, my dreams came back again.  I was a sweet little 16-year-old girl who believed a man could save me, and thought this man would be different than the men I had seen in my life. 

At that point Clayton did seem different.  Those big brown eyes melted my heart.  He looked like the men from the movies, and they were the kind that made dreams come true.  Plus, the touch from him ignited feelings in me I had never felt before.  I wanted to explore those feelings.  "Okay Clayton, I'll give you a second chance."

Clayton smiled and leaned in to give a gentle kiss on the lips.  "Listen, let's get everybody together and head over to Pebble Lake.  I know you and I aren't ready to do anything yet, but it would get us away from here and more importantly, away from May.  We can sit and talk, or walk around the lake.  How's that sound?"

I smiled.  It sounded incredibly romantic, and he seemed to be remorseful.  He knew I was a good girl, and he sounded like he would respect that.  With that, I liked him even more.  "That sounds great." 

Clayton put his arm around me, "Well all right then, let's go."

The evening at Pebble Lake was romantic, and Clayton was a gentleman.  On our drive home, I started to tell him about my suitcase dreams, and he thought they sounded great.  That hooked me in even more.  At the doorstep, Clayton paused a moment, a bit nervous.  "Tangie, would you like to go out again, say on Friday?"

I was so relieved to hear him ask that question.  "Well, I'll have to ask Daddy, but I'd love to." 

"Okay, then, I guess I'll see you on Monday.  Maybe we can have lunch together?"

I thought I would explode, I was so excited.  "That would be nice.  Real nice."  Clayton then leaned in and gave me a kiss goodnight.  It was shorted by Daddy's loud footsteps.  We both laughed.  "Bye!" I said, as I opened the door and went inside.  I was walking on air. I ran upstairs.  Clairetta was waiting to hear how everything went.  Details poured freely as I got ready for bed.  Lying in bed, we continued to whisper; creating suitcase dreams until we were so tired we could not talk any longer. 

Clayton and I dated for the next three weeks.  In addition to him taking me out to the movies and dinner one or two nights a week, we ate lunch together every day at school.  I fell so hard for him.  He knew how to woo me.  He brought me flowers on every date.  He opened doors, pulled out chairs, and whatnot, just as a proper southern gentleman should.  I thought for sure I had met my knight.

Graduation came, and the seniors had a party at Pebble Lake.  Over recent dates, Clayton had begun to pressure me to have sex with him, but I had told him no.  That night, alcohol was added to the picture for the first time, and things were a bit different. We were lying on a blanket by the lake, in a secluded area, both looking up at the stars.  Clayton rolled to his side and played with my hair as he spoke.  "Come on Tangie, if you really loved me, you'd do it." 

"Clayton, I told you before I'm not that kind of girl.  You know my dreams.  I want a marriage.  But I want to travel the world.  I have my suitcase dreams, and I would love for them to be with you.  But sex is for marriage, and it also brings on babies.  Babies will saddle us down and ruin those suitcase dreams." 

Clayton leaned on his right elbow and looked down at my face. "Tangie, I love you.  I just graduated from high school, and I am goin' off to college in the fall.  That means we'll be apart.  I need to know that you really love me."

I sighed in frustration.  "I do really love you, Clayton.  Can't you just take my word?  Ask me to marry you and I will.  Will that show you I love you?" 

Clayton smiled.  "I have a rubber to make sure we don't make a baby.  If I ask you to marry me tonight, will you make love to me?" 

I bit my lip, feeling the pressure.  Clayton kissed my neck and up to my ear.  It felt so good.  "Okay, as long as we are getting' engaged, then I will."  That was all Clayton needed to hear.  It is amazing how easily you will change your priorities in the throes of passion.  Not even the throes – just the throe.  Boy, if I could turn back time.

A few days later, Clayton stopped by the house.  I thought for sure it was to ask my Daddy for my hand in marriage and to give me my engagement ring.  I was wrong.  He walked me to the bench swing in the yard.  We sat, but unlike other times, he did not take my hand in his or place his arm around my shoulders.  I felt butterflies in my stomach, sensing bad news from his body language.

"Tangie," he began, "May broke up with Andy.  I realize she's the love of my life, and I have a second chance with her that I cain't pass up.  I'm real sorry to do this to ya, but I cain't marry you."

I was speechless.  All I could do was get up and run.  I didn't know where I was going, but I needed to get away.  Again, my suitcase dreams were dashed.  It took a few weeks to get over Clayton, but slowly I did.  I decided I would have suitcase dreams without him.  Who needs a man anyway, I figured.  Sure, his money would have helped me get to places a bit sooner, but if I worked hard and went to college, I could fulfill my own suitcase dreams.  

By the end of summer though, I realized there was a bigger problem.  In my journal that I wrote in daily, I always placed a little red dot on the days when I had my period.  As I flipped through, I saw no red dots all summer long.  I began crying.  Momma walked by and heard me.   She stopped in the doorway, a laundry basket of freshly folded clothes held against her side with one arm.  "What's wrong, sugar pie?" 

It was the hardest thing to do, to tell my Momma what I was afraid of being true.  I knew that she would know what to do.  I knew she would help me.  I showed her the journal entries.  "Momma he said he would use a rubber.  He said we'd get married, and we only did it one time!"

"Did you see him stop and put on the rubber?" she asked. 

I thought about it.  I had just trusted him.  I assumed that he had taken care of it.  I had never had sex before, and Momma had never talked to me about it at all, so I did not know what to expect.  And I'd kept my eyes firmly off what was going on down there.  I could have kicked myself when I realized what had most likely happened.  "No, I didn't make sure he did it.  Oh Momma, what am I gonna do?  He's with May now." 

Momma gave me a hug and I cried on her shoulder.  "Hush now.  You're not the first to get in this predicament.  I never told you this, but if you wanted, you could've figured it out yourself.  I was pregnant with you when Daddy and I got married."

I was shocked at this revelation.  "You were?  What did you do?""Well, we were already engaged, but we weren't supposed to get married for three more months.  So, we just changed the date of the weddin'.  Most people figured it all out, but were too polite to say anythin', to our faces at least.  Eventually no one cared." 

"Oh Momma, but you and Daddy were already engaged.  Clayton is with May."

Momma smiled and pulled me close to her.  "You go tell Clayton you're carrin' his child and he'll do ya right.  Clayton's a good boy, Tangie.  Comes from a good family.  They won't let him do ya wrong."

I looked at Momma with tears in my eyes.  "What will ya tell Daddy?"  I knew I could trust Momma to do the telling to Daddy.  He'd take it better that way.

"I'll tell him the truth.  He'll fight for your honor.  Don't you worry." She smiled and hugged me again.

Well, Daddy did fight for my honor, but he lost all respect for me.  It was not so much honor he was fighting for.  It was he not wanting to have yet another mouth to feed.  Momma was pregnant again, and he struggled enough to feed and clothe his own children. 

Clayton denied the baby could be his, at first, stating he did wear a rubber.  May believed me though and broke up with him.  "Any man that won't support his own child is no man for me," May told him.   "I know you don't like rubbers, Clayton," she added, "and now you have to pay for that.  Your little game never worked with me, and I guess you found someone it would work on. But now you gotta live with the results."

Clayton's family quickly informed him that he would be marrying me, or he would lose his portion of the inheritance.  It was made clear that he was expected to have a traditional southern marriage. Until death do you part - and that death better not be fishy.  No divorce.  No more shame brought to the family.

Clayton's Daddy laid out the rules in no uncertain terms. Clayton would not be going to college, but would be starting work in the family's construction business immediately.  It would not be in a cushy office job that a college degree would get him.  He would actually be employed as one of the construction workers. It was just as clear that Clayton's Daddy had lost all respect for him, as mine had for me.  The only difference was that Clayton's Daddy lived a lot longer to lord it over him than mine ever did.  And Clayton's Daddy had a lot more power.  Clayton couldn't fight back against his Daddy, so he took it out on me whenever possible.  He knew his limits, though.  He could do just enough to make life miserable for me, but not enough to draw attention.

We had a quiet wedding with family at Faith Baptist Church.  Clayton's family was so ashamed, hardly anyone attended.  My family was there.  Clairetta was my bridesmaid.  She wore my pink prom dress.  I wore Momma's cream-colored wedding gown. 

My red suitcase carried the few belongings I had to the house provided by Clayton's father.  I hoped that I could make Clayton happy, make him forget May, and remember the feelings he once had for me.  The look I received from him that day told me I had another thing coming.