Friends, I have just commented on another's article:
http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474977074553
The article basically asks you to rant about your 'Ex'. When I got done my comment, I realize it was an article of its own, so I am publishing it. Maybe someday the Lord will see that I acknowledge my rejection of His gift and that I am truly sorry. Maybe someday me reaping will change to a better crop. Maybe, someday, I will be allowed another love in my life. I hope by then, I'm a better man.
Here is my comment-turned-article:
This isn't what you're looking for but I'll mention my 'ex'.
My ex is a pretty lady and a little more than five years younger than me. She always kept a clean house and loved having my parents over for dinner. She worked in a deli and a cafetaria so I could go to college - of course I worked full time 3rd shift as an auditor during this time. But that means she spent her nights alone. We had a dog, my dog. I loved my dog. My wife bathed, walked, fed and played with my dog. I would spend every Sunday during the NFL season over at my best bud's, she would stay home, clean the house, read and maybe chat with her faamily on the phone. I move a lot, her family was way up in Maine. The night before we separated for good, she pleaded with me to change my mind and kept asking what she had done wrong. She hadn't done nothing wrong. I didn't 'love' her. I enjoyed her company and thought her a wonderful friend, but I didbn't love her. Before we were married we would take a lot of weekend trips, as friends. I married her because the mother of my daughter refused to marry me. After three years of this marriage I thought the grass looked greener on the other side. After four, I climbed over and sampled the other side. For fifteen years now I've been alone and lonely and mad at God for not bringing me a help-mate. But he had and I left her behind. I have learned we do reap what we so. I am sorry and I am ashamed. And she has moved on, but she bears no grudge. See, I don't think this is the comment you were looking for. But it's honest.
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Comments: 13
As I said before,God did not mean for humans to be alone...Your love will come,my friend,how,where or when,I don't know...But I think you will know.
God is not punishing you,you are punishing yourself and must learn to forgive yourself first.
This is a form of self-loathing, I believe. To cling to the thought that happiness will come with the remote object of our desire and once that object is no longer remote the happiness we expected is gone from it. It stems from a deep-seated feeling, conviction, fear that we do not deserve happiness. That our sinful ways have stripped us of that right.
However, God wants us to be happy. He gave us instructions for how to live that would result in us being happy: joining together in matrimony for life; treating others as we want to be treated; being satisfied with little and not craving material things.
Happiness comes from within. It comes from seeing what God sees within us (that potential, that goodness, that spark of divinity He placed there) and loving it as He does. It comes from accepting ourselves, warts and all, and loving ourselves as we are while working on making ourselves the best version we can be.
It's a process, a journey. Enjoying the trip is part of the secret.
I think embracing your own truth, even the parts of it which are unpleasant and inspire negative feelings, is an essential part of that journey.
And you've done that.
Still it was wrong to get married for alterior motives and still I rest the blame on me.
Maybe the rest of you are right, maybe the Lord is just waiting for me to catch up to Him and forgive myself.
I certainly hope the Cee lives up to that pedestal of infalibility from which this judgement is proclaimed. Otherwise, the reckoning is gonna be awfully painful when it comes. And it will.
WOW! I cannot believe I never looked at that perspective. She's back in Maine, close to her family (where she wanted to be), she has gone on to obtain a degree in biology (which I am very proud of and she knows I'm proud of), has she found love - I don't know that. The rae occasions we talk with one another, the subject of love isn't discussed. I pray for her happiness regularly.
I found this old article today. Probably haven't still forgiven myself but I sent the link to my ex and she just responded with a very heartfelt thank you.
Your comment is wisdom, maybe today, 27 months later, I can listen to it.