Bitch 3x Diaries, or the coming of age

Bitch 3X Diaries

by Marci Baun © 2000

The Coming of Age

We are told that the coming of age is not pretty, and therefore most of us fear it.

Why? Well, can we stop time's inevitable march? No. Not unless we die, and most of us don't want to die just yet. Still, almost every woman I know can't keep herself from looking into the mirror at least once a day to see if more wrinkles have arrived. I do it. And, like me, most women are afraid of getting wrinkles, and this fear is known as rhytiphobia. I am rhytiphobic, I admit it. I see those little wrinkles around my eyes caused by sun damage, laughter, and life experiences and they bother me. But, why?

Why is it that a man fears going bald (fulicaphobia),* or at a certain age he feels the need to dump his old wife for the fresh face of some twenty year-old in an attempt to "recapture" his youth? Why can't we all just accept the inevitable and grow old gracefully?

So, what is it about growing old that engages us all in such heated combat to prevent it? How many billions of dollars do we spend each year on beauty products to prevent wrinkles, hair loss and "going grey?"

Apparently, most of American culture is gerascophobic, that is, afraid of growing old. Somewhere along the line, growing old has become almost a crime--if not in the official law books, at least in the minds of the American people.

Think about this: Do you wonder if, when your parents grow old, they will have enough money to take care of themselves? If they don't, which one of the kids is going to perform that service? Or will mom and dad just end up in some convalescent hospital, forgotten and left to rot until they die? It's harsh to say such things, but every time I turn around, I see just how true this is.

A month or so ago, the Supreme Court viewed the case Troxel v. Granville. This case had to do with the rights of grandparents to see their children and whether the parents could decide how often the grandparents could see the children. Many states actually have laws that give grandparents a certain amount of visitation rights. Well, after this ruling, many of those laws may be struck down. The court ruled in favor of the parents. What has this got to do with aging and the fear of it? Read on.

The other day I was listening to the radio. There was an insane woman on some talk-show who took gerascophobia to new heights. Not only was this person afraid of growing old, she was afraid of old people, geriatriphobia*. Her fear was so strong that it controlled her, the way she lived, and her children's lives. This new court ruling seemed to validate, in her mind, that "old" people and grandparents were evil. Because of her fear, this woman installed an air siren, that's right, an air siren, to warn her children, as well as the neighborhood children, that an "old" person was in the area. That way they would know to run the other way. She went so far as to describe an older person as "someone who smelled of decaying flesh." Now, why would children want to be around that? And, besides, she concluded, grandparents weren't interested in their grandchildren; they just wanted to be left alone, travel and play golf.

Hello! How many couples would be unable to afford vacations if it weren't for grandparents who agreed to watch the children while the parents are away? My brother and sister-in-law have my parents watch their boys a couple times a year. And my nephews love visiting my parents. Matter of fact, they don't want my parents to leave. Unfortunately, that insane woman's poor children will grow up to be more gerascophobic than the average American and may never experience the joy of knowing their grandparents as my nephews do.

I have no answers to our society's fears. Maybe all that I can do is to work on myself and try to accept the inevitable, to age gracefully, to respect those who have paved the way for us, to stay young at heart, and to lighten up just a little about those damned wrinkles!

Then, maybe the coming of age won't be so terrifying.

Phobias

Gerascophobia: the fear of growing old
Rhytiphobia: fear of getting wrinkles

*My own phobia names:

Fulicaphobia: fear of growing bald
Geriatriphobia: fear of old people
Mortophobia: fear of dying

For more phobias try: The Phobias Page

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This article was first published in Wild Child Publishing's magazine division. Ms. Baun will post a new Bitch 3x Diaries article every Monday until she has run out of her stash.

Marci Baun is the editor-in-chief of Wild Child Publishing and Freya's Bower.