Families are ~fun~

Ok...so maybe that's not an entirely accurate statement.

This week, families are most assuredly not fun.

First - a little bit of history, just in case anyone is interested. For the past 5+ years, hubby & I cared for his mom, who had Alzheimers Disease. She died at home in February of this year. Through it all, we received a mimimum of support from his family.

Long before that, though, hubby had moved in with his mom & dad to help take care of his dad, who had had a serious accident, and after months in a coma, was able to come home, but with serious health & functioning problems. By the time his Dad died, it was becoming apparent that Mom was going to need help, so rather than move back to his own house, he stayed to care for her. He is a very special man, my husband.

Anyway - many years ago, long before her diagnosis - ma decided to change her will. She left the house to hubby; any money left after everything was paid off was to be split between the 3 girls.

She had very clear reasons for doing so, which I will spare the explanation of - but she did have her reasons, in addition to the fact that it was hubby that was here for his dad and for her. She used to tell me - repeatedly - about them; the repetition thing, of course, is part of the nature of AD. It was important to her.

Two years ago, one of the girls came to ~visit~ and while she was here, she searched the house and found the will. She went ballistic. I arrived home to find her berating poor ma, who, of course, was defenseless. Even if she had wanted to change it at that point, she couldn't.

Now we're trying to get the estate settled. The sisters, as one might expect, are not.

They are more than upset at what they perceive as a gross injustice against them.

The one who was here and did try to help to the extent she was capable is willing to accept what she has been offered.

The two who were not, are not, and are threatening legal action.

Their most recent ~offer~ was a lump sum now (which hubby & I would have to get a mortgage to pay - that, we're willing to do, although we really can't afford to, and should not have to, as the will is very clear)  - but they also want half of hubby's estate to go to them - or, at the very least, half of the value of the house to be divided between the three of them (or their estates) upon the sale of the house, or on his death.

There have been repeated threats of legal action, and this week, a very entertaining phone call - do they not ~get~ that it does not benefit them to provide us with evidence? Apparently not! We kept the message - and a transcript of it as well.

I've been trying to stay out of the entire thing. I understand that hubby - even though the will says he does not have to - wants to give them something; to be fair.

But it aggravates me beyond belief that no one seems to be the least bit concerned about the fact that ma had reasons for the decisions she made.

She had a right - when she was capable - to make those decisions.

And it feels wrong - to me - disrespectful, even - to go against those wishes.

I think that, if it were up to me, I would say to hell with the lot of them. I would probate the will exactly as it was written by her.

Then - when it was all done, and assuming they hadn't acted like ********* I would make each of them a gift - from us - not from ma - of an amount decided upon at least in part, based on their contributions minus what they took when they had the opportunity to take advantage.

The one that was here and helped to the best of her ability - but who took whenever she got the chance -  would get the most.

The one that seldom showed up, and then, usually without warning, but did provide us with some unrelated to ma services would get some.

And the third, who could not be bothered and who said - to both ma and to hubby - not to bother asking for support because it would not be forthcoming, and also that she wanted nothing from ma - well she would get nothing, or very very close to it.

I understand that they are hurt by what they perceive as their mom's slap in the face.

I would be too.

Except, I hope, that I would never, ever hurt my mother the way they hurt theirs.

Did I mention she had reasons for what she did?

Why don't they matter?