Bitch 3x Diaries, or Anal Retentive

The Bitch 3X Diaries

by Marci Baun © 2000

Anal retentive or just in need of a good cleanse?

There are days when I wonder.

The other day I was reading a play at a local library that was written by a very famous playwright, who will be known as Joe Bob. As I read this play, I noticed that a word was misused. To be certain I was right, I decided to look up the word in the dictionary. No matter how I tried to interpret the meaning of this word, it would not fit in the sentence. When I realized this, something snapped. I began to rant and rave about the editors and publishers. How could they let such an abuse of the English language be published? Joe Bob may be big, but he's not that big!

"Okay. He's English. Maybe this word has a different meaning in British English."

So, I pulled out the Shorter Oxford Dictionary. The meaning was the same as Webster's. Well, this was written in 1941. Maybe I need an older dictionary. So I checked another dictionary. No, it was the same.

Fifteen, maybe twenty, minutes passed as I continued my harangue... in a public library. Finally, I noticed that I was drawing attention and stopped.

I looked at the librarian assistant and said, "I'm being anal, aren't I?"

He nodded. (I am a frequent visitor of this library and am well-acquainted with him.)

Then I started to laugh. "It's not really that important, is it?"

No reply was necessary. I knew the answer.

With a chuckle, I remarked. "Well, it looks like I've used up my permitted analness for this week, so I'll just be quiet."

"I think that would be a good idea," he replied with a grin.

We shared a mutual laugh and I left.

I guess all I really needed was a good cleanse.