Dysthymia - lifelong roller coaster?

I did not know it at the time, but back in the early 1990's while I was on active duty and stationed in Germany, I was moving into one of my lowest points in my life.  I was extremely irritable, stressed out beyond belief and I could be walking across post and I would get choked up and start tearing up. Not a good thing when you are supposed to be maintaining that ever present military bearing and decorum while wearing the uniform.

Stairwells, restrooms, showers, barracks and common rooms at odd hours of the day were all havens where I would desperately try to gather myself with a bit of deep-breathing, self encouragement and so on.

I self-referred to the mental health unit at our clinic on post and their 'screening' was old-school. I was asked only 3 questions -

1) Do you want to hurt yourself?

2) Do you want to hurt others?

3) Do you feel sad all the time?

And my replies were as follows -

1) No - not purposefully, it is not even a passing thought thank you very much, sir!

2) No - no one is worth purposefully hurting. There are too many unintended victims of such an act. And it would hurt me to do such a thing -  in so many ways.

3) No - not all the time.

I mentioned the tearfullness and occasional isolation but I guess it was not deemed an impoortant symptom.

Fast forward 5 years - I am out of the Army - trying to embrace civilian life and feeling increasingly isolated despite working with 150 people and interacting with 20-30 on a daily basis. I was incredibly tired, unmotivated, achy from the base of my skull to the base of my spine, and  unbelievably cranky in episodes that could NOT be attributed in any way to PMS or anything obvious.  <<grin>>

Throughout all this I kept my dry wit - though on the really bad times it could be downright nasty wit. I went thru a total of three doctors before any of them listened to the terms and words I was using to describe my symptoms. She asked a couple of really pointed questions and then told me she thought I might be clinically depressed. Would I consider visiting a therapist and at least undergo an evaluation.  After a couple of appointments with my counselor talking over the most recent history of my life and state of mind I was diagnosed with dysthymia. And she read me the official description in the DSM IV (i think that is what its called) and it fit.

I have good months and have had a few very dark spells recently. I hate roller coasters, but it seems I am on a life-long ride.  But I do know - after going through a managed transition to a new medication - I AM BETTER WITH IT than without - Tom Cruise be damned!