warning: this is one of those self indulgent stream of consciousness rambles with no care to write "well" whatever that means. i am writing for me. and that will have to suffice for today.
stated simply...i am depressed today. alert the media.
it is one of those days where just flipping through channels on the tv can bring me to tears. the news and it's horrors, missing children, missing pets, bits of lifetime movies, even commercials can trigger my waterworks.
i woke up this way and i have no energy to will it to stop. i feel i must roll on with it like a wave to the shore. in time i know it will dissipate. it must run it's melancholy course.
why must we always feel the need to explain emotions...even good ones. if one is smiling then someone will undoubtedly ask, "What are you so happy about?" And likewise if you shed tears then someone will ask, "What is wrong?" it is like the norm is to have that dead pan straight line look of utter boredom and apathy to be left alone. you gotta maintain a bus passenger face.
emotions are tricky devils aren't they? they mess you up. they interfere with normal day to day activities. they cloud your reason. they delude your thinking. oh to be mister spock and be lordingly logical. we could rule the universe. or not. i have always been a captain kirk myself, full of exaggerated and sometimes comical emotion. everything is urgent, powerful, and dramatic! but then the urgency drains away and i am left lifeless and pale...unable to remember why life is important after all.
it is part of life...to suffer. everyone does it. pain is the great equalizer for us all. people feel it in different ways...express it in even more of a variety of ways. there is no right way to do it although some will tell you differently.
sometimes pain is a wake up call. sometimes it sets about change that otherwise wouldn't happen. sometimes the pain tells us to listen, to be quiet, and to find ourselves again in the stillness. and sometimes pain is to be shared with a fellow traveller.
it is all a part of the human experience.
and today....i am feeling....very human.