THE HOLY SEE

A mafia crewmember who suffers from papaphobia (fear of the Pope) gets help from his wife to overcome his fear so that he may attend a Papal Blessing; but the cure has an unexpected side effect.

FADE IN:

INT. ITALIAN BISTRO – DAY

A portly mob boss, DON VITTORIO (52) is seated at one of the booths; two heavyset MEN stand guard at the door.

EXT. ITALIAN BISTRO - CONTINUOUS

A black limo pulls up to the curb and the rear dooropens. Out step DOMINICK (32) and ANTONIO (49). They both walk up to the Bistro entrance.

INT. ITALIAN BISTRO – CONTINUOUS

They walk in and Antonio nods to the bodyguards. They continue to the Don’s booth. Antonio sits down while Dominick remains standing.

THE DON
Dominick my boy, please sit
down and join me. I have some
news.

DOMINICK
It must be very important
news to tell me in person.

THE DON
I don’t want to risk the
other families getting
jealous. No one knows of this
but myself-
(looks at
Antonio)
My consigliore-
(back to
Dominick)
And you.
 
INT. GINO’S SOFT PRETZEL BAKERY – NIGHT

Dominick’s crew, FRANKIE, BRUNO, LEON, and ALPHONSO late 20s early 30s, are seated around a table. Dominick stands at the head of the table.

DOMINICK
As you guys all know, we are
the biggest earning crew for
the Don.

Smiles from around the table.

DOMINICK (CONT)
But what you don’t know is
that our money is laundered
through the Vatican bank.

Eyebrows rise in surprise then back to smiles.

DOMINICK (CONT)
The Pope is very happy with
his take, and wants to bless
the Don and guests.
(beat)
We are those guests.

There are congratulatory shouts and much backslapping as the crew stands, except from Alphonso who remains seated looking petrified. His white knuckled hands are clutching the table edge.

INT. ALPHONSO’S APT – NIGHT

Alphonso, wearing his pajamas, is sitting on the bed,
elbows on knees, head in his hands. His wife MONICA (23)
is in the bathroom.

ALPHONSO
Oh Lord what will I do? I’m
so scared of the Pope.
(beat)
But I cannot refuse to go.
 
MONICA (OS)
You’ve been crying about this
Pope phobia of yours all
week, and you haven’t done a
thing about it.
(beat)
I’m a going to help you get
over your fears.

A voluptuous and shapely Monica steps out of the
bathroom wearing nothing but a large novelty Pope hat.

INT. PAPAL LIBRARY – DAY

The POPE sits at his table, eyes closed in meditation, and his hands are folded. The library doors open and the PREFECTURE enters the large book filled room.

PREFECTURE
Don Vittorio-
(beat)
and family.

The Pope opens his eyes and motions for them to come in. Don Vittorio enters followed by Antonio and the Prefecture collects their tickets. Dominick is next followed by his crew.

The Prefecture is collecting each person’s ticket as they walk in. Alphonso is the last in line and has a somber but determined look on his face as he hands his ticket to the prefecture.

POPE
Please, come forward.

One by one starting with the Don, the men walk forward. Each man kneels and kisses the Pope’s ring then stands to the side. Alphonso hesitates.

POPE
Come forward, you have no
need to fear.
 
Alphonso closes his eyes takes a deep breath then smiles and opening his eyes again he stiffly walks up to the Pope. He notices the Pope is not looking at his face.

The Pope is staring quizzically at a tell-tale bulge in Alphonso’s pants.

FADE OUT