I love you but you Cannot Live with Me

I went out for a casual dinner last night with my friend Isabelle because she said she wanted to talk to me about something important.  We did not meet anywhere fancy, a local Thai food place that she likes.  When I saw her arrive I thought about all the good times we used to have at the restaurant where we met about two years ago.  She was born in Japan but raised in the USA and she is very funny.  I waited for her at the door and as soon as she walked in I gave her a big hug and I told her it was good to see her!

We sat down to eat and she started telling me about how hard her life had been in recent months.  After I left the restaurant to work at different place we had not had much time to talk.  The first topic of conversation was her breaking up with her boyfriend, a fact that I knew about because I am also friends with Tom.  She did not mention why they had broken up but I knew that it was because she had been cheating on him regularly.  She did not get any sympathy from me for that and the next thing was her financial situation had fallen apart since her hours were cut back at the restaurant and she did not want to get another job.  While we talked I noticed that she was really hitting the alcohol hard and within the hour she had a few mixed drinks and a couple of beers.  She was starting to get very emotional and I could tell the tears were coming.  I felt very sorry for her but I knew she was just doing this to herself and then she asked if we could be room mates?  When I said "NO", she exploded at me in anger!  She yelled at me and called uncaring and an insensitive bitch!  She started making a huge scene in the restaurant and I paid the bill and walked with her down the street trying to calm her down.  There was no calming her down and I did not want to admit to her the reasons for not wanting her in my house.  The main reason is she is a drug user and secondly she really into group sex!  She had wanted me to join her and her boyfriend for a little loving but I did not find this out until after the split.  Tom, her ex boyfriend, admitted to me that one of the reasons besides the cheating that they parted ways was because she wanted to bring their friends into their sex life.  I had no idea she felt this way about me but I am not cool with orgies in the house.  I did not want her to drive home drunk last night so I called her cab and gave the driver a twenty to take her home.  She really needed to sleep it off and I was tired of the drama for one night.  When I got home I called Tom and told him what had happened and he said he was not at all surprised.  Her family will not take her in because of her abuse problems and she is not good at keeping just one man around.  When I hung up the phone last night I felt bad about not letting her stay with me when her own family had rejected her but people like that just need to live alone!

I went to bed early last night and I could not help but wonder why I had stayed friends with Tom.  I think he is sweet guy and very cute but you don't date your friend's ex-boyfriends.  It's a shame Isabelle had to meet him before I did.  I also thought about the threesome that she wanted me to be part of but I am sure I would never do something like that.  The bound between a lover should only be between two people who care about each other, recreational sex is something I could never get into.  I fell asleep thinking about it though and I felt guilty about it.

This morning I went to the trail with the dog, monster has been looking sick for a couple of days so I left him at home.  I really need to take him to the vet's office on Monday, I hope he does not have worms again!  I grabbed snoopy and we went to the trail.  We went up and down the path fairly quickly and on the way back to the parking lot I ran into my friend Cathy.  I could tell by the look in her eyes that something was wrong again and I knew that if I stopped it was going to turn into a girls talk.  I decided that a cup of coffee and a bagel this morning would not be all that bad.  We took my car and stopped at my house to drop off snoopy, I was not sure how long this going to take and I did want to leave my poor dog locked in the car all morning.

When we got to the coffee shop I flat out asked her what was wrong.  She is always has these dramatic events with her boyfriend because he is a rich spoiled brat and she works for a cleaning service.  The conversation was quickly lead into the arena of the unmentionable in her own opinion.  She swore me to secrecy and I guess talking about it on gather is fine, right?  She recently has become physically attracted to another man and she is not sure about leaving Chad.  As always Chad can be a verbally abusive drunk that does not work but he is sweet guy sometimes!  I have been listening to her talk about Chad for many years and every time she mentions leaving him her fear of being alone takes grip of her.  She is so afraid that no one will ever love her like Chad and also that the next guy she meets will cheat on her.  If you met Chad you would understood why she is so confident that he won't ever cheat her!  He is a very homely looking man but beauty is in the eye of the beholder as they say.  When I look at Cathy I see a petite blond girl with big beautiful eyes and tremendously good spirit and I have to say I envy her body, a little bit.  We spent hours talking about her leaving Chad but when she was afraid of physical violence or the fact that he is a very vindictive person (I stopped offering advice).  The fear she has of Chad doing something to her or her family was very evident in the sound of her voice that seemed to trail off and crack as she spoke of him being a monster.  Every time I would lift her spirits and we would get to a point where I thought she had the courage to leave him, her head would sink back into her shell.  When I drove her back to the parking lot to get her car I felt like I had not made a dent and she was going back home to Chad.  I wonder why I waste my time talking with her and I hope the next time I see her she will not be harmed by this man.

I am came home and took a long hot bath and put out some little scented candles around my tub.  I thought about a cute guy I saw at the coffee shop and wondered if he had noticed me.  I fell asleep in the tub with Enya music playing in the background.  I could have drown in there and it would have been the most relaxing death ever... when I finally came to I looked at my fingers and they were all prunny, I got out of the water and covered myself in body lotion.  I didn't bother to get dressed because I was not expecting anyone this afternoon but I kept my robe near by.  I poured myself a tall class of coke and grabbed a bag of chips and I have been sitting at the computer looking at youtube.com and myspace.com.

Its almost bed time.