"There's no male-superior knowledge factor in soccer."
This morning, Jennifer Hodge, on the Gather Editorial staff, raised the question: "Do you think David Beckham can kick start a greater interest in U.S. soccer?" The answer is no because soccer is a non-stop sport and that's anti-American right there.
Americans view soccer as a boring sport: when the last World Cup was played, three Americans flocked to their TV sets. The World Cup Games are viewed by Americans as taking up valuable ESPN air time that could be put to better use watching bowling reruns or slam bam wrestling matches. I find it amusing that Americans should consider soccer boring while baseball, possibly the biggest snooze ever invented, is our national pastime. Soccer is a non-stop, constant application of fast-paced athleticism. True, soccer's a low scoring game and in a materialistic society, score surpasses skill. But this is not the reason for its lack of popularity.
Soccer's non-stop quality is the real reason America shuns the sport. For the rest of the world non-stop means non-stop excitement; to Americans it means no time to go to the kitchen and fix a snack. Say in a baseball game the count is 1 and 2: you can get a fresh beer, erect a Dagwood sandwich, help Junior with his algebra and return to a count of 3 and 2.
The non-stop nature of soccer is further aggravated by the fact there are no ads! Gods created ads so men could go to the bathroom, read the Sunday paper and not miss so much as a foul tip. No advertising during a sporting event is, well, un-American.
Also, we were weaned on Sesame Street and have REALLY short attention spans. We get tired when we have to pay attention all the time. ("Watch out for that car! How many times have I told you to PAY ATTENTION?") Watching baseball, we can let our minds wander. Soccer isn't boring, it's tiring — to viewers as well as players. Baseball, now that's a couch potato sport. It's like a soap opera; you can nod off for six months and awaken to little change: A man is still on third and Dirk is still in rehab.
However, the biggest reason American men don't watch soccer is that they can't show off by explaining the fine points of the game to girls like they can with baseball or football. There's no male-superior knowledge factor in soccer. Kick the ball in the other guy's goal and you get one point; the team with the most points wins. Two year-old girls know that. The only tricky rule in soccer is offsides. But American men don't understand that rule. What's worse, girls who've played field hockey, DO understand offsides. All in all, there's too much embarrassment downside and no show-off upside for the American male to watch soccer.
The World Cup is soccer's premiere competition, held every four years to determine the planet's best team. In baseball, America has the World Series, but that's a half-truth. The World Series is really the United States Series, except for a couple of Canadian teams we off-shored for tax reasons.
American boys don't grow up bouncing balls on their heels all day long. While you and I were sprawled on the couch watching Scooby-Do reruns and nibbling our way through a box of Cracker Jacks, José and Pierre and Hans were playing a pickup game on the front dust.
The fact that the U.S. soccer team seems to have a lock on last place is touted as another reason we don't root for soccer. Not true. Americans don't back only winners. Generations of White Sox fans backed a losing cause for a century. The most enthusiastic soccer fans are the Italians where soccer games are considered battlefields—for the fans, not the players. There's a new Italian law: if a fan hits a player, or fans fight in the stands, the fans' team is penalized with an automatic 3-0 defeat. Italian fans have counteracted by dressing up in their rival's colors. Then a riot helps their team win.
Being a non-stop sport, with no ads, a clock that never stops even during penalties and the probability of looking stupid in front of a girl, it's not surprising American men are lost when it comes to the world's favorite pastime — and Pelé couldn't change that and neither can David Beckham.
Maybe American men should ask some soccer moms for directions. Yeah, that'll happen.
—###—
recommend this
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 27
This is one person, okay woman, that is definately going to give soccer a chance, if only to catch a glimpse of Beckham!
In the meantime, I think soccer could get a popularity rise in America with the advent of David Beckham. He is one fine soccer specimen, that's for sure. ; )
HO HO HO
Cybergwen - I believe testosterone is the answer to your questions - maybe both your questions.
John O. Clever! Actually have been some cop scams like that on a much smaller scale.
Rubicon the head-butt was cool.
Ms. Meacham - you'd think so, but the history has been the opposite. The draws can't overcome the dislike of the game, which ties into Donald's "brain" comment.
I think it's like baseball. If you follow the players and know the team, it's interesting. As a turn on the occasional game, it's not so great.
In the cultural evolution of sports viewing, soccer in America is fighting a losing battle.
Hate to say it, but TV soccer is boring. Much more exciting in person, as most sporting events are. But I enjoy baseball on TV since I get a better shot of the plays.
Liked to watch soccer in high school (dated 2 guys who played--no, not at the same time!). Also enjoyed the intramural games in college--soccer players have great legs. But not even a superstar like Beckham would get me watching more than a few minutes of a game these days.
The players are great athletes. I'm just not into their game.
"Soccer's non-stop quality is the real reason America shuns the sport." - Soccer is non-stop nothing. How can all those guys run back and forth for an hour and a half yet manage do something remotely interesting maybe 10 times. Not even score - just kinda look like maybe you'll take a shot! It is tiring to watch indeed. At 80 minutes to go, the ball is on right side of the field. The score is 0-0. At 70 minutes to go, the ball is on the left side of the field. The score is 0-0. (fast forward through a nap) At 15 minutes to go, the ball is on the left side of the field. The score is 0-0. Oh look! The news is on! I'll look up the score later.
"However, the biggest reason American men don't watch soccer is that they can't show off by explaining the fine points of the game to girls like they can with baseball or football. " - This is probably closest to the truth. It's a lot like NASCAR. It's very easy to understand. Too easy. "See this ball? Kick it into that net. Don't use your hands." That's it. Yawn.
Now, maybe soccer can take a page from NASCAR's playbook. Get lots of bright colors (primary colors work best, as any kindergarten teacher can attest), get all of the fans drunk, and stage some fake fights between teams to get everyone's blood boiling. I think bring David Spice over was a step in that direction, but one purple dinosaur in a league of grey and white multiplication tables won't be enough to get Joe Sixpack into major league soccer.
David, I understand baseball but it's slooow .. well, maybe that's the left-over feeling from too much time in right field where they always put the worst fielder [That would be me.]
"Soccer is non-stop nothing." You have a point - it is like watching a couple of hours of passing drills.
Probably you're right. The game needs some good promtors with great imaginations. Love the phrase "one purple dinosaur in a league of grey and white multiplication tables"
1. Why, whenever the US does something that differs from the rest of the world (or should i say Western Europe), it is ridiculed and derided. Nobody is going after Canada for favoring hockey, or Japan for favoring baseball. Frankly the US is not the ONLY country in the world who has not embraced soccer as the be all and end all of sports. In fact, the US is kind of special in that respect that we have professional teams on many different levels in many different sports. Variety, what a concept!
2. why 2 sports or events need to be pitted against each other. I personally like soccer and football, but because I tend to not be so ego-centric, I don't really care what the rest of you like to watch. I also tend to like to watch bowling and golf (although I consider these to be games and not sports). Basketball, baseball, and racing bore me to sleep, but I have never once tried to convince somebody who likes any or all of them that football, soccer, hockey are better. I simply believe it as my own taste.
Americans don't like soccer, I think we as a people kind of told the world that by not calling it football. We said: "We don't really like your football, so we'll make our own" in the same way that we said "We don't really like your country, we'll make our own" In short, SETTLE DOWN! it will be ok if people don't like soccer.
As for Beckham, LA is just his kind of town. He's all over E! and Vh1 and loving every minute of it... if the galaxy hadn't paid him to live in LA then surely one of the media conglomorates would have.
[Just to be clear, the article is not an argument but an attempt at a humorous take on Beckham and soccer.]
Doesn't matter to me whether Beckham plays here or not, I've just never gotten into it, really, but I'm not the demographic that they're going for. Using Beckham as a jump-start attempt to popularize the sport here in the States, I just don't think the money was spent by betting the farm on him.
I'm all for the bright, shiny colors, beer and fights!
So — it just occured to me. Aren't hockey scores about the same level as soccer scores?
Of course, soccer doesn't have the constant hitting — and swearing in Canadian.
While I like soccer at lot, I don't think Beckham will make much difference. They tried the superstar route with Pele, the greatest soccer player ever, and it did nothing for the sport financially.
Now, Beckham's wife - that's the difference this time around, so who knows?