Would this work as Romance?

Lot of filter words (she looked, others stayed, he saw, decided, chose, that type of thing). Not enough variation in sentence structure with this one, and I know the same could be said about mine, actually.

I tried to explain the romance writing thing to Steve. He didn't get it, said it was "bad writing". Bad writing for a thriller, maybe, but excellent writing for a romance. I also tried to explain it to Ian. Nope, he didn't get it either. Unless you read romance and love it, you won't get it. It's not an intuitive style.

Romance is all about emotions and the reactions of the characters to one another. The plot is actually on the back burner and to be quite honest isn't as important as having a man and a woman in total denial over their feelings, but so totally attracted to each other that they can overcome their differences. I know it's hard to make the shift in conciousness. But don't stray from the formula or you will tick off a lot of dedicated romance readers. Never...mess...with the formula...

So your writing's good here, but if you want romance, you need to get into what the characters are feeling and thinking during their exchange. Also, most romances are written from two POVs, the heroines and the heros and jump back and forth, even in the same scene - gasp!. Yep, adjectives and adverbs are allowed, especially if they describe physical characteristics - have to have a hunky hero and a lovely heroine, preferably very spunky. Flowery, mushy feelings encouraged. Internal dialogue necessary. Blushing, huffing, diverting eyes, direct stares and all of those body language signals that indicate physical attraction, even if they are calling each other names and loathing each other mentally, have to be in place. It has to be perfectly clear to the reader that the characters are destined to be together even if the two of them totally don't see it and fight each other the entire time. So if you want to write a romance (for real, I don't think you are REALLY entertaining this, but if you are) read a couple of hundred of them first and get the "feel" for them. They don't read like other novels. Then, dig into the deepest emotional soul of your limbic system and pour it all out on paper. Its all about emotion and tension.

That said, you've got an interesting start here. Does it have to go the romance route? Seems perfectly suited to the "Intrigue" or "Mystery" genres.

I have a feeling they'll have a Sci Fi contest soon. Romances sell and have a certain dedicated following. I think that's why they decided to go that route first. I think they will spread to other genres soon. I'm guessing mystery will be next.

I like this story and I can see it getting better. I agree with Jamie. Sex it up a bit as we say in the ad biz! After all sex does sell, always will.
Jamie this is some really great advice!

Jamie: Am I serious about entering the Romance contest? Probably not unless they are having trouble getting their 250 entries, and then not with a serious intent to win. That would be sort of like someone trying to write science fiction without ever having read the genre. I would be likely to irritate and turn off people who like the genre and make myself look bad.

At the same time, character emotions are probably my weakest writing area, so working on them wouldn't be a bad thing in terms of my developing as a writer. Maybe I'll read a few Romance novels and see what I can learn from the genre, then see how close the existing story is to what it would need to be to be a minimally acceptable Romance.. If I think I can write something that doesn't stink up the place as a Romance I'll toy with the idea of entering it just as a writing exercise. If I do enter, it won't be under my own name.

Go for it, Dale.

Echoing Jamie - Go for it. Practising, and reading, a different style can be great, but stay true to yourself. Or to your alter ego I suppose.

I am SO with Jamie. Never mess with the formula. It's very, very different than any other kind of novel. Remember the target audience. Women. Women who like silky things. Women who like the smell of cologne. Women who sigh, and sob, and yearn, and fight for what they want. Romance engages all the senses, and therefore needs lots more descriptions, lots more adjectives, lots more emotion. Men make love with their eyes. Women make love with all their senses. And romances need to engage all those senses.

Great advice for anyone here. Good stuff.

Pat used the word I had thought of earlier today when reading something in the Wombat thread--yearn. That's such an important part of any romance. Sex is good. And I do like some kind of plot. But that yearning, reaching toward one another quality is key.

And internal dialogue, as Jamie said, is also important. We need to hear their thoughts.

Dale, I'd love to see you write a romance and stretch your skills. Then you could encourage the rest of us to do the same. Let us know what you learn along the way.

But if you do read a couple of romances, be selective. There are some great stories out there. But there's a lot of blah stuff as well.

Thanks for the advice and encouragement. I'm torn. If I thought I could put something halfway decent together I might try it.

You're already ahead of most of us. I can't imagine writing a romance on the spur of the moment. If you can make the time, why not try? It can only help your writing. Even if you only finish a couple of chapters (and an ending), it would be great.

Men bring a different sensibility to books. I'd truly like to see what a guy does with a romance. Especially one who could share the experience with us.

I'm going to second Beth's proposal. You've got a start. Prove your wife wrong.

Well, I posted a little more of my alleged romance. I have the definite feeling that I would embarrass myself if I really try to do this, but I'll try a chapter and see what people think.

Hi Dale, after reading your post and the comments here I have to say I don't totally agree with them. If you're planning to target the Harlequin lines then yes, do as they suggest and write to a formula. Personally, I wouldn't. (Have you ever read any of those books??) (no offense to anyone who writes for them....I have a lot of friends who do) But to me, the stories can be unplausible and stilted. I can't even read Nora Roberts' earlier work because of it...and I'm a big fan!
Anyway....I think, based on this first part, this story has a lot of potential to be a romance or even a romantic suspense. It could use some tweaking and cleaning up....such as adverbs...don't use them.....there is ALWAYS a stronger verb! Switching POV's is fine as long as you don't "head-hop". Use your internal thought to develop your character. SHOW the story (through your five senses, actions, attributes) don't TELL (ie, He felt sick to his stomach....instead: nausea churned, burning into his gut) it's weak, but you get the point. =) Also, work on the dialogue. It should flow smoother.
Anyway...I do have to also recommend reading the genre you plan to write. But read other works too.....the best selling authors who've been doing this a while.

Best of luck.

Terri