how to get kids to take more responsibilty?

I too have problems with my kids from time to time. What has worked in the past does not always work every time. Some examples of what has worked:

1. Family meetings. I have an agenda, but allow them their own ideas. I start with what ideas the kids had about things they wanted, then gave them our financial situation and my work schedule. I explained that I really needed their help on certain things and broke out the calendar to have the children "sign up" for chores on certain days. Some things everyone had to do, like clean their room and straighten up the bathroom after use.

2. I have, on occassion, officially "gone on strike." I refuse to make meals unless the dishes are done. Clothes were not washed unless they made it to the laundry room. They put away their own clothes or had no clue where they were when needed. The kids themselves put up their own dish schedule and actually get after each other on their days.

3. Limited television. Television is a privilege, not a right. If there is work to be done, I simply turn it off and ask for their help before it goes on again.

The strike thing works best for teenagers, when they were the ages of your kids it was easier to get things done by letting them know that as a family we are a team. It seemed to give them some sense of importance and nudged them along.

One word of advice...be careful if you start to teach the older child to cook some things. They are capable of learning safely, however, they may not eat certain dishes anymore once they learn what ingredients go into them!

I just finished reading a book called "the essential 55". The author describes the rules he used in the classroom - and explains the reasons behind each one. It is probably adaptable to a home situation.

Boy as soon as you figure it out let me know. I hope for the ultimate revenge, that there kids do it to them. lol

You've got some good advice going on here.

I always told my kids that tv, video games, phone use and free time were privileges that had to be earned. I was not their keeper, I was not a cruise director and I was not a chauffeur.

I stopped helping with homework when they were in third grade. I told them that that was their job. I had my job and they had theirs. I made sure they had the materials that they needed and I stepped back.

I gave them other responsibilities. If we don't teach them to take care of themselves, how will they know what to do when the leave home.

I took the phone to work, and the cord to the tv and video games.

I taught them how to make decisions and about responsibility to themselves and others.

They were honor students.

Summa and Magma cum laid.

Put themselves through school

Had jobs in their professions before they graduated.

I bought them good used cars for their college graduation.

And I have loved them fiercely.

great great advice, what a sight for sore eyes!!
the t.v. point was important
i actually thought of giving up t.v. but as isolated as i am , i need something to take my mind off..i got a t.v. where you can tape shows. i tried saying they can not watch a show and all hell broke loose!!
so i think i am going to go with your advice jeff and Genine and Sharon about the t.v. time , definitely..
my problem is i always back down when they get too wild but as a friend of mine said the other day, it isn't going to get easier if you're not strict with them !
i need to reread what you all have written .
thanks tammy and Leslie.
i told them to play bowling with empty bottles, you can just imagine the noise!!
the boys have absolutely no ability to keep themselves busy and at the moment i do not feel like interacting ..
why do they feel i constantly need to keep them busy???
when i was a child my mother never had to do that, i kept myself busy..and i did not talk back either..
i think parents these days have to be tough as nails

Sigalit - One more thing to help you get through this. They will put you through hell for a while when you impose the new regime. Prepare yourself, make a plan for how you will get through this. Know that if you stand strong they will take you seriously. But you gotta be tough woman. Kids are resistant to change. Block out the crap, roll up your sleeves and know in the end it will be worth it.

I send you Power with a capitol P.

thanks Sharon, i appreciate the power!
Kids are not the only ones resistant to change!
i feel so supported as a result of writing this article,
especially since there is almost no one to give me that kind of support here.
so thanks , it means a lot !
attitude makes a difference and i have been a softie most of the time, and i do not want to resent the kids at the end for taking advantage but that's what kids do, it's only human ..that is why it is so important to be strict and tough so kids learn they can't walk all over you.
i told them today what i expect and here i am at the computer having put the kids on time to bed, not drunk with too much t.v. or computer.
giving limits feels good!