Since no one has published a Good-bye, I'm Out of Here article this week, and I live with one foot out the door and a shipload of reasons I should leave, I will bite the bullet and write the next they-done-me-wrong-and-I-need-some-lovin' marticle. I will not bore you with the usual flag and rating spiel, because my honest streak would force me to complain that my Vowels - Big and Small article did not deserve the ten rating you gave it. And then, I would fall into my rut and whine about how the games and one-liners never deserve the ten ratings they get either, or how the rating on this article compensates a little for the low ratings I did not deserve on the real work I used to publish in the old days when people cared about such things. That would blow my desire to keep this positive, which I promise I will do since several people reminded me this week that my Christian raising requires it of me.
My friends and family, God Love ‘Em, have made it danged near impossible for me to compete on this site. By the time they crawl out of bed at noon and send their daily email doses of worn out jokes, several people have already published them on Gather. I have to maintain some standards for myself. If I can't be first and best, I don't want to be. I have no idea why cruel, thoughtless people would sleep in and deprive me of the thrill publishing old news first, especially since I am the one who always shows too much love for everyone.
Apparently, this cold world has all but forgotten me. Nobody sends me ads for freebie guitar picks, or pictures of kittens and babies I don't know. If I wasn't such a nice person, I might think they are purposely trying to keep me from sharing with others. No one sexually abuses me. Ever. There is absolutely no reason for 300,000+ members to deny me the opportunity to write an article about what disgusting pigs men are, and pretend that I'm hot for a few hours. No excuse whatsoever, but I will let it be, because that's just the kind of person I am.
Even the grammar police ignore me. I found an article the other day with an error that my Gather pals had left undetected for six months. It's personal. I know it must be. But, I will toss my hands in the air, say, "Good grief," and vow never to be as despicable as everyone else is.
My daughters can't be regular girls gone wild, and give me juicy, attention-getting stories to write. No, they raise themselves and their children, stay out of trouble, and make my burden absolutely feather-light so I have nothing to write about. Be still my hand, I will not type another word of criticism because that is what the negative, hateful people I will never be like do.
If someone doesn't give me something to write about soon, I will have to leave. I can't just hang around here and read what other people write, and leave comments so they get all the points.
I hope my friends will come through with some interesting email or harassment to keep me here.
(I included links so that anyone who has seen the comments asking 'where my writing is' can see that I did write before people hit everything I published with insults and flags.)
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Comments: 62
And I'll thank myself for leaving behind a breadcrumb in order to find your great writing.
Who will assist me in discovering my inner demons of random snarkiness?
Who will make me laugh out loud at some of the silly things people think and say?
But, I guess if you want to write two more articles about quitting, I'll read them.
Your a hippocrip!!!!!!
who do you thik you are a grammer police or something????!!!!
if you dont like it why dont you go somewhere else????!!!!
ur always say8in your gonna leave so why dont u???!!!!
go eat a foodstamp with you're falce teeth!!!!
That should hold you for awhile. Let me know when you need a refill.
If I don't make it back tonight to beg you stay please remember that it is a holiday tomorrow and I need to be making some fabulous dish for the potluck family reunion from hell tomorrow. The dish has to be able to travel over a hundred miles in a car that has no air conditioning in a seat with two fighting children. Still it must duly impress the in-laws family with its deliciousness.
Never fear, I will be writing an article. It may even be a marticle depending on how badly the day actually goes.
Because of you, I haven't dangled a participle lately, and I now know that a homophone isn't a gay chat line.
Oooooh! I love this!
"If I WEREN'T such a nice person..."
Oh God, I gotcha, Sandy!
Now you HAVE to stay to do penance for an EGREGIOUS grammatical gaffe!
And besides, if you leave, there is a huge vacuum that nobody can fill...and I will miss you. So you simply cannot leave.
But screwing up gives me the perfect excuse to come back to an article and say something else that's stupid.
Since Sandy is a nice person, and it is not a statement contrary to fact, the subjunctive would not be appropriate.
Then again, I am likely wrong. I just read this in a book last night.
See Sandy? You're needed for wonderful discourses such as these, as well...
What a radical!
Please check out Andrea's comment. It looks award worthy to me!
I have been pacing for months, wild girl.
I also must understand this wasn't/weren't thing before I leave. I thought using wasn't indicated the past--I was not--and weren't indicated an ongoing situation.
uhhh, Ruth. I was hoping for some good sexual harassment (think Dr. Oza). But it's the thought that counts, so I thank you for that extraordinary sample of stupid harassment.
Thanks to all of you for the encouragement. Sadly, though, I crawled out of bed at 6 this morning, checked my email, and found NOT ONE SINGLE joke.
I love that Bert wrote "EGREGIOUS grammatical gaffe!" That is the kind of stuff I love.
And Ruth's cache of insults was lovely, as well. Who but a true friend would save those things for you????
This place may indeed be a vast wasteland* but stuff like that keeps me hanging around.
* Sorry, but that is a blatant example of plagiarism. Forgive me.
Nancy, those are the gems that keep many of us hanging on.
"All I expect out of people is for them to be honest and have good morals and values. I don't even care about politics believe it or not...but I do care when bad people are swaying the judgement of innocent minds. Bad, Bad people that like guns, war, killing, criminal behavior, etc.<>"
So "If I wasn't such a nice person..." is definitely subjunctive mood because it is absolutely contrary to fact...since you ARE!!
Believe me, others would fill the void.
Merry Christmas, Robert.
Pity. You sound like such a nice person.
I'm still hanging on, Andrea, and will go find that ladybug porn.
Anna, if I was closer, I would come keep you company while you do your chores because I am just like you. It's so much easier (or more fun, maybe) if there's someone around. I live alone now, and thought that would mean I'd keep everything done. Nope. I've even tried Bruce Springsteen (usually Tenth Avenue Freezeout is good for some major work) but it didn't work.
Shoot, I'd even fold clothes and let you cook.
Do you think I look like you in my new picture? I've glanced at it a couple of times and thought so.
Totally off topic but a laugh.
I used to do a karaoke version of Should I Stay Or Should I Go by The Clash. It involved at one point throwing the mic. over my shoulder, letting it snake up between my legs, catching it and carrying on the lyric without missing a beat.
Then one night I miscalculated and hit myself in the balls.
It got the biggest cheers ever.
love,
Ian
Should I Stay Or Should I Go - The Clash (lyrics)
Should I Stay Or Should I Go - Clash Video at You Tube
And I would surely have enjoyed the salmon and going through the school things.
Maybe tomorrow my car will sprout wings and I'll get there for day four of being Home Alone.
(Thanks for not being insulted. I never know how to deal with things like this. The minute I saw that picture of me, I thought of you.)
If a person has trouble with standard, basic English (or their language of choice) and is too arrogant or lazy to pick up a copy of Harbrace or look at the many good FREE grammar sites on the web, then I have no sympathy for them if they post illiterate dreck on a site claiming to be for writers and get their hands slapped.
Ditto for photos. If you look through my last big batch of photos, you can easily see how I've improved over the last five years. I took thousands of photos, studied, sweated, and learned. There's not one person on here incapable of improvement.
My interpretation of the way he attacks others is that it is consistent with the behavior of someone who fears others will see his shortcomings if he doesn't pounce on someone else first and scare them away. ;-)
I also find it interesting that he says he only wants to insult me in private, so he leaves "nice" comments like these in pubic (okay, so they don't look nice unless you compare them to the ones he sends in private). ;-)
My cheeks hurt from all this smiling, so I'll stop here. ;-)
Heather, I still drop in.
that you in your icon? not bad lady!
Besides, you're one of the reasons I stay!