Wilma's Secret Futuristic Weapons Part One

A cable TV show, 'Future Weapons' shows advances in military weaponry, but some future weapons are so hush hush that I fear I may be jeopardizing my free sample pack of Cialis by revealing a weapon so secret that not even Richard Armitage knows enough about it to give Bob Novak a scoop. Dare I tell and not ever have the possibility of the four hour erection set to play with in an outside bath tub?

The story begins in the driveway of a woman eating melting chocolate and drinking copious amounts of dandelion wine on a day when the thermometer read 110 degrees. Bits of chocolate splat onto the driveway and an army of ants quickly came to clean up this mess. This woman, (I don't want to use her real name, so I'll call her Wilma), was just amazed by how quickly the ants cleaned up her dripping chocolate mess and she started applauding.

Now applauding ants might seem strange to most people, but you have to remember the dandelion wine and the fact that Wilma had often talked to animals after seeing an Eddie Murphy movie. Rumor has it she gave Mr. Ed diction lessons, but of course that might be a horse tail left over from the horse steaks she bought at the local meat market, It should be no surprise that the ants bowed to her applause.

The leader of the ants, Anthony, stepped forward and said, 'Thank you for that delicious sweet.' Wilma smiled and put some more chocolate on the driveway. In the flash of an eye, over 10,000 ants came out and poof the chocolate was gone. Anthony stayed and talked to Wilma who could no longer stand. A few neighbors, not being able to see Anthony because he was short like Napoleon, watched as they thought Wilma was having an animated talk with her driveway.

One neighbor witnessing her talking to (Anthony) her driveway was the town mayor. He noticed a half empty jug of Elsie's Dandelion wine she kept taking sips from and took a photograph he used as evidence in a hastily called town council meeting. It was decided that dandelion wine was even more dangerous than medical marijuana. A law was passed banning the sale or possession of dandelion wine. Another ordinance was passed making it illegal to grow dandelions.

A posse was formed to hunt down those selling this 'evil' dandelion wine. Some liquor store owners were found to have recently bought this wine and it was soon found out the main distributor from New York was staying at a fancy hotel. She was out planting seeds when her room was raided. The head of the posse found several crates of dandelion wine, but the most shocking discovery was two suitcases filled with hybrid dandelion seeds.

The head of the posse shook his head and said, 'We got a real bad one here.' The hotel manager standing nearby said, 'She seemed like such a nice lady', but when asked to describe her, all he could remember was she had beautiful white hair. Again, to avoid giving a real name, let's call this woman Elsie. Elsie, from the outside had seen her room being raided and knew she had to get out of town fast.

The posse spread out and started a search. Elsie knew she had to think quick and remembered her grandson had always told her to call him, if she ever had a problem. As luck would have it, he was vacationing in the next town, so Elsie called him on her cell and explained her problem. He (let's give him the fictitious name Billy) told her to hide and that he would be there shortly to rescue her.

Billy drove his motorcycle to the place Elsie said she was hiding and got there just in the nick of time. She was spotted as she got on the back of Billy's motorcycle. They sped away at high speed with several police cars in pursuit. They crossed the state line and the chase was abandoned, but a call was put into Homeland Security and some officials who had been trying to dig unused house trailers out of the mud were sent. Considering their usual incompetence, this should have been the end of this story, but the weather played an important part for the continuation of Wilma's role in this story.