Didn't see you on the bus yesterday.
Naw, I took the day off; had to go to court.
How come?
Ex-landlord refused to return my damage deposit.
You win?
Slam-dunk.
Good for you.
Typical crap, but it was worth it. I tell you, people and their lives, listening to all the other cases; now that was fun.
Yeah?
One case was a cat-fight between a couple of chunky in tight pants girls. I swear to god, there was but a single IQ point between them. Their boyfriends were even dumber. You know the type: dirty Harley shirts, greasy baseball caps, wallet chains looped through their belts. One guy's knuckles actually dragged on the ground.
Oh, let me guess, they all shared a trailer in Riverview.
You got it.
No mystery there.
Oh, but it gets so much better. They were doing the Jerry Springer thing.
No.
Yup, here was two raised in Greater Minnesota white chicks doing the hand on the hip attitude thing, wagging and snapping their fingers at each other. They even did the combo Memphis/Minnesota accent, like "you betcha, HO!"
Funny
Yeah, I so much wanted to say "People, Jerry Springer is about what NOT to be"
Hey, everyone needs a role model.
Even the judge was snickering. At one point, before the belly bump -
They actually did the belly bump?
Would't have been a confrontation without it.
Anyway, one bimbo accuses her ex roommate of slashing her waterbed. She was suing because the water ruined her Psychology Today collection. The other one screams "That's a lie, we didn't slash nothing. We were just laying there and it burst". The first one then shoots back, "No, you're lying, it didn't just break; THAT BED HAS HAD A LOT OF HARD USE"
The whole court cracks up; the judge had to take off his glasses because he was laughing so hard. The guy damned near needed a beach towel to dry his eyes.
So how did it all come out?
The judge told them he would mail his decision and the bailiff hustled them out. It all worked well for me though, the judge was in such a good mood that when my landlord started sputtering, he told him to shut up and write me a check.
© Greg Schiller, 2007
Author: Greg Schiller
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Comments: 18
and I love yours, too :)
We should be able to hire defendants to go just before us and put the judge in a good mood. The defendants would get money to spend in prison, the judge would get a laugh and we'd get off.
100% imagination, or seeded with inspiration?
I had an old '54 Dodge station wagon and the emergency brake did not function.
When called upon for my story I reached down into the large paper bag I had carried into court and produced my "emergency BRICK" which I assured the judge I always used to chock my wheels when parked.
He busted a gut, said "Judgement suspended" and I went on my merry way.
I hope that the subsequent offender reaped the benefits of the bemused judge.
Flash forward 12 years. I'm impersonating Santa Claus for the city of San Leandro, CA.
I'm a 'roving' Santa, covering the basic downtown area, going into shops and confronting people (I even got in a poker game at an office once. I won about $4).
I decide to go into this tavern and I see Judge Spruance (since retired and in private practice as an attorney) the guy I had appeared before in the above tale.
I asked him if he remembered the incident. He did, and we both had another laugh.
understand why people watch Jerry Springer!
Mugg, that was a good one about the {brick!}
Excellent!
I just wanted to say I am finally going through what is now under 5,200 pieces of gather new mail that is in my inbox on here. So with that in mind I have finally come to a piece of mail that was addressed to me in regards this article submission you have created to share with the gather community. Thank you for taking the time and sharing your piece with us here at gather. :o)
And I hope you have a Happy New Year... in 2009 :o)