by flit .
Member since:
August 11, 2006

flitting at home

June 29, 2007 11:41 AM EDT (Updated: June 29, 2007 12:23 PM EDT)
views: 42 | rating: 10/10 (11 votes) | comments: 24

So many things I should be doing but am running into one snag after another... soon going to just say to heck with it and chuck it all and do what I really want to do which is to get to work on my YA novel.... that was what I'd hoped to focus on this week... but with all the trips to and from Niagara Falls and so on, it just didn't happen.

The one day that I was here and was starting to make progress on it, a friend showed up to visit... put it away and haven't been back to it since!

 My bad!

Anyway - for those of you who have been following the saga re: my father, they're talking about sending him home, possibly today. There will be nursing care at least, at home - and hopefully by the time his wife goes back to work they will have sorted out home care; she is still very resistant to that, but I can hope! He really should not be left on his own for extended periods of time - tis clear to everyone but her *sigh*  Sure is frustrating to listen to her go on about how wonderfully independant he is - fantasy; it's all fantasy. If only she could hear herself!

I have talked to both my brother & sister about the fast one she tried to pull the other day - both of them support my actions, which is good to know, since I had to act without their input at the time.

What happened was that I happened to be there when the lawyer showed up to finalize their paperwork; wills, and Powers of Attorney for Personal Care and Finances. Could care less about who she named for hers, of course. But I was appalled, and more than a little insulted, to discover that she had named HER daughter as POA for him if anything were to happen to her. He has three adult children of his own and one stepdaughter - to name the step seemed like a slap in the face to all three of us. Especially since it is very clear that if something were to happen to her, I would be the lucky one to take over and provide for him, with support from my brother & sister.

Anyway - when the lawyer read out the pertinent bits I was so angry that I immediately left the room - okay, the hospital! I went outside to my smokin' tree and texted both my bro & sister. No response, so I called hubby ....and promptly burst into tears. I hate that! So does he - but I am so blessed, anyway .... he may hate it when I am upset but he is very very good at helping me to calm down and see things rationally. I was so intent on just running away, heading home - but he pushed me to go back upstairs and deal with it.

I am very glad he did.  When I did go back up (my intention being to register my disapproval, to give her stOOpid house key back, and to say good-bye [for good] to my father) - they had been talking at length about it - and my father had actually managed to get out his understanding - i.e. that if something happened to B. - or even if she just wouldn't do it any more - Dee (he's the only one that calls me that) would be the one to take care of him. So they'd already decided to change it accordingly, and even B was okay with it. She said that 'she just thought that since her daughter lived closer....it wasn't meant to be an insult.' Which I do NOT believe, but whatever.....we managed to get past it, and, although it was awkward after the lawyer left, I hung around for a couple of hours until Dad fell asleep before I left.

Anyway.... both brother & sister are glad I got it sorted ....and that I left on relatively good terms... managed to get through it without getting myself banned again... suppose that's something!

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Comments: 24

Deirdre B. Jun 29, 2007, 1:40pm EDT
It sounds like you have a lot to deal with.Hope things get easier for you.
Bonnie S. Jun 29, 2007, 1:56pm EDT
I hope things get better, that is a lot of stress.
flit . Jun 29, 2007, 1:58pm EDT
got an update this morning.... he's staying in hospital over the weekend because of the amount of bleeding & seeping he's having from his incision
sharon SugarMomma is a wise woman, Jun 29, 2007, 2:25pm EDT
I'm sorry that he is having these further issues - but - it might be better for him in the hospital for a little while longer. I have found that the best way to deal with a manipulative b***ch (male or female) is to wait until they are alone and with a smile on my face, calmly say "I'm on to you honey and one step ahead all the way, better think twice before you pull something else". Leave it at that and walk away.
flit . Jun 29, 2007, 2:45pm EDT
I'm quite happy to have him stay in hospital...at least there I know he's being taken care of!
M. Bradley McCauley McCauley Jun 29, 2007, 4:59pm EDT
I certainly hope you have a fabulous rainbow soon--you certainly deserve it. You need a good meditation time where you connect with your spirit and get rid of the negative. I send you blessings.
Janet "Jax" B. Jun 29, 2007, 5:29pm EDT
Good...he should be in the hospital for a few more days...have them keep an eye on the incision (I KNOW it's a hospital, but that doesn't mean the care is always the best).

I hope things start to calm down.

If and when we get to my brother's house, I should be able to check my gather messages and perhaps email..
Pher B. Jun 29, 2007, 6:50pm EDT
Mom said I can add my 2 cents....I think he should stay for a few more days...and make sure that lawyer didn't come back and change anything.
flit . Jun 29, 2007, 6:51pm EDT
I was thinking that I'd ask for a copy of the POA... just to be on the safe side.
flit . Jun 29, 2007, 6:52pm EDT
Although if she really wanted to change it, there would be nothing stopping her from doing another one a week later; we wouldn't know.
Larry H. Jun 29, 2007, 7:08pm EDT
i WISH YOU THE BEST FLIT, i am the black sheep of family, I was like a mushroom. kept in the dark a and fed bullshit. Didn't get a thing when my mother and stepfather died, not even what belonged to me...
Paula Love Jun 29, 2007, 8:13pm EDT
getting banned and again at that! oh my! lol and you wonder why I thought you intimidating... hahahahaha Just messing with you. Glad you are home Flit and hope things smooth out for you!
My hubby was the same way, helping me to calm down when I'd break like a rabid dog. I always appreciated that about him, maybe I should say thanks to him sometime soon. :)
Cindi P. Jun 29, 2007, 8:20pm EDT
Flit
I don't know what more to say! You are a gem, and must have a very very strong self control, I am afraid i would have strangled her in a back alley somewhere long before now!
(((HUG)))
flit . Jun 29, 2007, 8:37pm EDT
ah, but then I'd have to take him home with me LOL

I am not actually in that big a hurry to take on the whole caregiving 24/7 gig again any time soon....

don't think we've recovered yet!
Susan *. Jun 29, 2007, 9:48pm EDT
my goodness....it sounds like you've really been through the wringer lately. Take care of yourself, you hear?!? You need to do something for "you" before you fall apart! God Bless!
elizabeth e. Jun 30, 2007, 7:11pm EDT
I think you really need to watch this broad...what is said and done before your eyes often is "changed" once you leave the room. Have heard too many stories of maniapulative people over the last couple of years flit...
Elsie Duggan Jul 1, 2007, 2:15am EDT
Yes Flit, stick to your guns, I think your father should stay in the hospital too. Second marriages often come to this at the end of someones life or when they are very ill, so look out for your Dad and your own siblings. take care of yourself too.
Jann L. Jul 1, 2007, 6:30pm EDT
This is very compelling reading and I am sorry that you are going through all this. I'm glad the POA issue got resolved to your satisfaction anyway. I will have to go through your 'back issues' to see what else you have written about your father. My husband's mother at 94 is at the stage where she just shouldn't be living alone any longer. He and his sister will have to convince her to go into an assisted living situation. The unfortunate thing is that the sister lives closer to her and will have to do most of what is required to sell the home and remove the contents but the m-i-l resents and resists everything her daughter says and does and it requires my husband saying the same thing to convince her. At least my husband and his sister are in agreement about what needs to be done.

Still I may learn something about the pitfalls of having a parent with Alzheimers from reading what you have written.

Thanks for you kind comment on the last image with my Home Invasion article and I agree.
gwen... (prrrrrrr) Jul 1, 2007, 6:37pm EDT
flit, it sounds as though you still have a lot going on. At least you're sticking up for your guns (I have to smoke before I do it too, so don't get down on yourself!) and taking care of you and your siblings. Glad you have a supportive hubby than can help you see things as they are, he sounds like he's a rock that you need at this point. Keep us updated.
ChewMouse C. Jul 3, 2007, 7:44pm EDT
Families splinter over these kinds of issues. I don't know if it's a build-up of years of "I really cannot stand my brother/sister" or actually the IN THE MOMENT stuff, but it is sure to happen again. For whatever reason, some faction of the nuclear family there wants "control" and let me tell you, Durable Attorney over HEALTHCARE is what you want. That way you can determine what happens when. As for the other DPOA, it cannot and does not matter until he is declared incompetent or he passes away.

My heart to you on this one. It's so very difficult. Take care of yourself and cling to hubby when you need to. It really helps.
flit . Jul 3, 2007, 10:05pm EDT
fortunately, this time around, at least my brother, sister & I are all on the same page... it's dad's second wife that is the pain in the posterior....

hubby's family was a lot more trouble though ...and still are... over the will and so on now

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