It's hard when you're succeeding and your friends are not. On the one hand, it's good news for you, but you feel like you cannot talk to them about your achievments. Why? Because they're jealous.
"I'm soooo jealous!"
We've all heard it at one point or another, and may have even said it ourselves. Most the time, it's said in jest, however, there's usually a little nugget of frustration in their voice to gleen that "they really ain't jokin'".
It's been hard for me, with the successes I've had in writing, being published, getting great reviews, "knowing" people in the business. When I started out, I was just like the rest of them, a sheep in the herd, trying to BE heard, trying to make myself known. Heck, I'm still an unknown. I'm nobody. Ask anyone in America, they wouldn't know who the heck Rebecca Goings is. Maybe a few hundred people know who I am. That's not fame.
And yet, my friends are still jealous. They tell me all the time. And frankly, I'm tired of it. So here I am, stepping up, telling you if you're jealous of someone, cut it out. I have no sympathy. I didn't get where I am because I'm some kind of Midas. I didn't get where I am because "things fall into my lap".
I'm here because I work damn hard, and if you want your own success in your writing career, you gotta take what you want! Don't expect anything to fall into your lap. Be aggressive. Go out there and make yourself known. Chat on blogs, Yahoo Groups, MySpace... Befriend the more famous authors, but don't be fake. Become chummy with the people you come in contact with. You attract more bees with honey than with vinegar, you know. And one of those people might just be someone willing to help you out down the road.
I admit, I am fortunate. The wife of a friend of a friend owns a web design site. We became chummy during one of our mutual friends' dinner parties, and now, she's designed my website (for free) and she's been hired as a cover artist for one of my publishers. This is the artist who made the covers for my Legends of Mynos series, one of which I use as my avatar.
That is not something every author can say they have up their sleeve. But I do not believe for a second that things just come easily for me. I'm nice, and therefore well-liked. This is key for getting anywhere in the world. I'm also open and honest. A private person might not get as far as someone willing to tell their life story. However, I'm not saying that's what you gotta do.
But if you want the success and the attention for yourself, you've got to make it happen. Sitting there in your little green stew of envy isn't going to help you one damn bit. If you get rejected, dust yourself off and go to Plan B. Then Plan C and D and so forth. Set goals for yourself. If you see an opportunity for promo or to get into someone's good graces, do it. Do a favor for someone out of the blue. Eventually, they'll return it. Attend chats where the exposure will help you. I know of a few online chats with agents in the circles I'm in. If you go to these chats, these agents will become familiar with your name and they might be more likely to take a chance on you or tell you to submit something to them.
Opportunities to succeed don't fall from the sky, folks. But like building a house, success comes in all the little things you do. If you're not willing to go out in the world and make your own success, no matter the odds, then you're not going to get anything done but listen to that gremlin on your shoulder. So quit yer bitchin' and claim your own success. Don't rip someone down out of spite just because they're doing better than you in publication or sales.
All you're going to do is lose a friend, and perhaps lose an opportunity to further your career. Because if your friend is becoming successful, don't you think some of that success will rub off on you a wee bit if they talk about you and link back to your website on theirs? If they tell you to "name drop" on a submission (which I've told people to do with my name before, btw LOL), that might just be the jumpstart YOU need to get your foot in the door.
So don't shoot yourself in the foot and don't stick it in your mouth--put that foot in the door and yank the damn thing open. Don't waste your time being jealous. Use your time wisely and claim your own success.
~~Becka
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Comments: 8
It's like that six degrees of separation thing. There's a reason Gather points out politely, on the left side of the screen, how many 'degrees' away you are from the author of any given article, based on your connections!
Great points Becka!
But if you don't promote, you won't sell jack. That's why a lot of bigger named authors go on talk shows and the like (Today, Good Morning, America, David Letterman, etc.). They're not on there because they're Someone Really Cool. They're on there because they're promoting.
Big Name Authors also go on book signing tours, attend conferences, etc. No matter who you're published with, small time press or big cheese New York house, you gotta promote. It's a necessary evil. Otherwise, you ain't gonna earn #$%@ in royalties. No one's going to buy a first-time book by a nobody author unless they care about what you have to say. And YOU have to make them care.
So being jealous that fame and fortune aren't coming your way is silly. It's all a matter of how proactive you are. And heck, I haven't spent a red cent in promotion in a long time. Yes, some promotion costs money. But if you're complaining that the lack of funds are holding you back, then you obviously don't know how to use the Internet to its full potential.
~~Becka
I also agree with your comment that you have to be yourself. People will eventually realize if you are fake and only using other people.