Critique Welcome
You're Hot!
Ha! That is quite a thing to say!
You are!
It's not polite to tell a stranger on the bus that they are hot.
You're not a stranger.
Why do you say that?
Dad and Ed talk about you all the time.
Really?
Sure.
That's nice, (as well as embarrassing). Does your dad know you are talking to me?
No, he's talking to Ed ‘bout Marcy, she's Ed's girlfriend.
Oh.
She got issues.
It sounds like Ed has issues too.
That's what dad says.
He is probably right.
Am I hot?
What a question to ask.
Am I?
You are very cute.
How come I'm not hot?
Because, little girls are cute; grown ups can be hot.
Do you think my dad is hot?
Which is your dad?
Over there.
The one in the window seat?
Yup, he says he's invisible.
Really?
He told Ed that hot chicks can walk right through him on the street.
He did?
He says he has to wear a thick wallet so they can see him.
I wonder who is invisible to him.
I dunno. I want to be hot, not cute.
No you don't. It works like this: when are hot, boys want you. When you are cute, boys want to be seen with you. When you are nice, everybody wants to be with you.
You're nice.
Thank you, you are nice too, and cute.
I want to be hot.
Why?
‘cause I want dad and mom to want me.
Who could not want someone as nice as you?
They don't. I live at Grandma's so they can date hotties.
Oh sweetie, here comes my stop; I have to get off. Anytime you want to talk, you come sit with me.
Okay.
One more thing, tell your dad and Ed that they ARE invisible.
© Greg Schiller, 2007
Author: Greg Schiller
For more hapless commuting conversations see:
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Comments: 53
And a definite 10!
Now THAT's HOT! LOL
good story
fend for themselves. This was a great
story and a reminder of what goes on
out there in anyplace USA.
Yes, maybe, I shudder to think what lack of love led to her narcisism. While it is true that our media fosters a culture of people frozen to the image of themselves in the limelight, I am more concerned about those little souls, who lacking love, strive to fill the void of affection with attention.
This was great, with a twist. I liked it.
A genuine slice of American pie, 21st Century recipe.
Darcey D.
Remind me if I ever have a young daughter, I have to gag her in public...
I just wanted to say I am finally going through what is now under 5,600 pieces of gather new mail that is in my inbox on here. So with that in mind I have finally come to a piece of mail that was addressed to me in regards this article submission you have created to share with the gather community. Thank you for taking the time and sharing your piece with us here at gather. :o)
And I hope you have a Happy New Year... in 2009 :o)
Good story. I am not sure there is really one point to this story. As for the main point that Mr. Schiller is making I don't think it is really important. The most important issue is the point missed by most-all readers and perhaps ever the writer. Why is it in human nature to be so superficial?
The woman character seems to stat that it is a burdened to be so "hot":
"No you don't. It works like this: when are hot, boys want you. When you are cute, boys want to be seen with you. When you are nice, everybody wants to be with you."
The excerpt seems to say base on how you look physically will determine your relationships. If I were a gentleman overhearing this conversation I would have to interrupt the pretty woman and tell the cute girl:
"Hello little girl what this woman is telling you is not entirely true. Well indeed some people will only want to be with you if you are 'hot' there are still others, such as myself, that prefer to juge their partner based on their capability to form a meaingful relationship with a deep conection."
The last line of the story shows the woman character in an off-putting light. If I was an extra in that scene I would be thinking: "DAaaamn this chick is such a self-righetous stuck-up 'hot' b*tch--just the way I like my one-night-stands."
Shruthi P. comment shows that she understands the most important issuse, love. Not the fact that the little girls father is trying to find love and as a byproduct the cute girl takes the side line when it comes to dad's attention. Love is not superficial it is the deep. Every persono wants love, however, more offten than not people do not know how to find love as in the dad's case.
Cyndi O's comment shows that she is well versed in love. Nothing is for sure but if a man want to try to have relationship with a woman first thing he must do before any thing else is he must show her that he is seeking a meaningful relationship. And if everything goes well the relationship with form a deep bond.
Jeanne O'Neil's comment is describing love. This goes for a man's love for his woman. If he does his job well in showing that she is loved by him she will feel assured in there relationship.
Pat M's comment now that just made me laugh. I guess he's the type that know what he's made of and doesn't try to hide it.
Back to the most important issue brought forth by the story. Why are we so superficial? That is a long and complex answer. Here it is in the shortest form. Superficialness is what drives us to greatness. The thought "I can do better than that person." When the very first person came up with the idea to use fire as luxury there was also another person thinking: "I will make greater use of fire." These superficial thoughts lead to deep innovation. The answer is far more complex than this short simple answer, however, I'm tired of typing so this is all your getting.