(Finally) A First Date

For those of you who don't know, I have been a single parent for 8 years, tried internet dating then, have had 1 "serious" realtionship in that time and am trying the internet thing again.

So, on one site that I'm on I get 5 "matches" a day (only). Somehow we meet each others' requirements. My #1 requirement is "divorced or widowed". I don't want someone separarted who may go back. I don't want someone who can't understand my kids are #1. Sorry, but that's the truth. I don't really care about your religion as long as you don't try to convert me. You believe what finds you solace, and I do the same. My basic requirement is the stated above.

So, I've weeded through some (no, I won't send naked pics, or do a 3 way, or have sex as our first date) and I think I finally have a first date. We're meeting for coffee tomorrow after work.

I'm nervous. I tend to freeze up in these situations. He seems like a nice man, but I've been called cold. How do I get through this?

Comments: 9

Kate M. Jun 25, 2007, 9:00pm UTC

Try not to think of the opposite sex as your enemy, despite what past relationships were like. Try to see if you'd be this guy's friend. Ask yourself, "if we met - not as man & woman but as two people - would I be his friend?"

If yes, you may have a winner. If no, tell him it was nice to meet him (if it was) and be on your way.

Oh, and don't have sex your first date. :-)

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Gorgeous Gabby, a Gather Geeky Gal, and The Giz Jun 25, 2007, 9:14pm UTC

Gwen, I'd go with you and be your support if I could. I hear ya about our kids being number one. And I like you thoughts about dating only divorced or widowed. Since i"m widowed that makes a lot of sense. And sure, no sex on the first date, scary thinking about have sex at all with someone else besides my late hubby. I don't know if I could handle that, ever! lol

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Lisa J Jun 25, 2007, 9:32pm UTC

Gwen, don't worry about getting to date #2. You'll both be nervous, so admit it. It's not like he's going to say "Wow, what a ninny, why be nervous?" He hasn't met YOU before, either. Don't forget to ask him about him, and leave silences to fill. I'm sure you'll do great... it is SO hard to do, I know!

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Gorgeous Gabby, a Gather Geeky Gal, and The Giz Jun 25, 2007, 9:49pm UTC

Oh, by the way, Gwen, don't forget to have fun!

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Eileen D. Jun 26, 2007, 9:37am UTC

Gwen, my first advice would have been to get to know him by writing to each other - email - every day. It really is a good way to guage a relationship. I know, it worked for me. But, that aside, just relax, have fun, be who you are. If things go badly, it won't be because you did anything wrong, it will be because the situation is wrong. Follow your instincts, don't second guess youself. You are a very strong person to be putting yourself out there in the first place and you deserve to have everything you dream for. Yes? Yes! I'll be thinking of you

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Elsie Duggan Jun 27, 2007, 2:24am UTC

Gwen, I hope your date goes wonderfully and I liked that you are meeting in public early in the day. Some of these thing go very well. My daughter met her second husband this way and he is a wonderful man. I will be thinking of you too.

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Yvette F. Jun 30, 2007, 7:11pm UTC

Good for you, Gwen! I'm sorry I missed this and didn't give you support earlier. I gotta go read and see how it turned out.

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Lisa B. Jul 23, 2007, 1:56am UTC

Have you ever tried E-harmony? My sister hadnt dated for like 6 years and decided to give it a try. Shes met alot of nice people and has met a guy that shes in love with. I''ve heard alot of good things about it. Its also a long process before you meet too so you get time to get to know stuff about eachother before you actually meet. I know they run specials where you can try it for free or at leaste fill out the questions and see what kind of matches they send you. I also think they do a background check so you know that the people are semi sane:) Good luck. I know the right person is out there for you:)

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Erica R. Jul 27, 2007, 5:49pm UTC

I totally agree with you on the kids being #1. I'm a single mom who found out she was pregnant a month after breaking up with the guy she was with for the past 7 years, and it would have been a huge mistake to get back together just because of it.
I too tried one of those sites, and the guy said the dealbreaker on the first phone conversation we had "I'm not dating your kid, I'm dating you" Um, sorry, now your not even dating me!
I've been very leary of trying again, and am content to be single for now, but my boy turns 1 next month, and I'm starting to want to find someone to connect with too. I wish you all the luck in the world in your search!

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(Finally) A First Date

Comments: 9

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