Good Enough

I saw a link to this article in someone elses blog and decided to share it with my fellow Gatherites. It's from All Things Considered on NPR (June 4, 2007).

It really spoke to me particularly the first paragraph: "My husband is not my best friend. He doesn't complete me. In fact, he can be a self-absorbed jerk. We're nearly polar opposites: He's a lifetime member of the NRA who doesn't care for journalists, and I'm a lifelong liberal with a journalism degree. On the other hand, he doesn't beat or emotionally abuse me. He doesn't drink or chase other women. He's a good provider. So I'm sticking with him."

I was pretty close to being a Journalism major for undergrad (I have a degree in Communications, which covers Journalism) and goodness knows I spent 3 years of my life as an editor on my college paper The Gatepost. My husband is a lifetime NRA member and questions the validity of many journalists (although he does not read the paper or watch the news--he's more of a Google News kind of guy). I don't have a best friend anymore (although he does and she's a very close friend of both of us and has been since we were teenagers). I once took a test regarding my political views and I fall in the middle of Republican and Democrat (hence the registered Indpendant that I am) and he's definately Republican and comes from a WASP-y family that has been in New England for 100s of years (not a bad thing, I'm proud to carry their famly name and I adore them all). My husband is pretty self-absorbed and his friends think he's pretty high strung. I always explain that it's the only child thing. :)

Although my husband is not my best friend I do believe he's my lifemate. He thinks I'm his soulmate  and there's that too, but I like the aspect of a lifemate. After all we did grow up together as I met him 13 summers ago. He's also the best provider a woman could ask for (working more than 40 hours a week, running a business on the side, and going to grad school). He always makes sure the bills are paid and this week bought a device (thank you, NStar rebate) that calculates exactly how much we're spending (by the minute!) on electricity.

The writer explains, "Alas, too many of us buy into a different adage: that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. From movies to magazines to commercials, we're told we should demand more from lives that are, for many of us, pretty good. We're supposed to look better, eat better, find better jobs, be better lovers and parents and workers. A stable marriage isn't enough; it's supposed to be a fairy tale. Perfection is the goal. "

I myself don't strive for perfection, but I really try hard to be a good partner. I also take good care of myself because I feel it's important to show that I care about being healthy and staying young. My goal is to get carded until I'm 40, and I'm 6 months in to getting carded every time. I know it's shallow to say "I want to look a certain way to keep him interested" but hell, he saw me through my entire 20s and there's no turning back. It's not that difficult to take good care of yourself. And I have less wrinkles than him and he's younger.

I don't believe there is a perfect marriage, but I do think each and every day that people don't take marriage as seriously as they used to. I feel that most everything can be worked out. I'm pretty high-strung myself but also very understanding in terms of relationships. And the good news is I'm lucky enough to be married to a guy that does not mind that I have close male friends (many of them are now his close friends too). I think it helps that his best friend is a female (I'm pretty sure she's a lifetime NRA member as well).

So fellow Gatherites, what do you do to keep your relationships/partnerships/unions/marriages intact? Do you often think about the give and take? Do you honestly believe that there are things that can be fixed no matter what? I believe when you grow up with someone, plunge into adulthood together and move on from there that the relationship is far too valuable to ever give up on.