fragments (reposted)

~1~ 

i sit here in the sun

through an open window

devoid of birdsong, lilacs or harbingers of spring

yet i feel movement

just before the stillness of sleep

in the solid ground a stirring of life

and in that place between this world and the dream

in half-sleep, oblivious to time,

the movement before silence,

before innocence.

memories come in fragments

like my fitful sleep

guilt and remorse and happiness

make strange dream fellows.

~2~

you left your bracelet behind

at least, i think it was yours...

the fragments of my memory

recall something’s lost

something’s gained

but perhaps the past

does not exist at all

just something i've fabricated

the moment i became aware of innocence

i no longer had it

the moment i became aware of me

i no longer had you

i look for a quick fix of reality

and i read a book back page first

like a coward

still smelling your perfume.

~3~

my mind’s a void

can’t accept or except

i surface for a minute

and slip away

but it’s here and now

if i can’t go back

how can i go forward

i’m in neutral, no man’s land

if my journey is to find beauty

i must find it first in myself

these words,

fragments of a life

that i can’t delete,

which means a memory of sorts,

or enter,

which means a commitment of a kind,

are metaphors for love

but in my life i am not so sure

what love is

i don’t want to dream while i sleep

but dream while i wake

and with this image

i hope all goes well this morning

and the day turns to splendor