I was looking through some things of mine from the past. I found pictures, letters that were sent to me, papers I had written, one of my several journals, and among them I found a list. I found several things amusing, interesting, and enlightening as I went through these things, but the list caught my attention. It seems that I had made a list of what I want in a man at the ripe age of nineteen or twenty. The surprising thing is that there is not many characteristics that have changed. Only one was a physical criteria, and the rest were just simply a man of character. I agree that I may have been really idealistic, because I don't think one man would be this wonderful. Who knows, maybe one exists.
Well, here is my list:
1. Financially stable- he does not have to be rich, but able to support himself, and maybe a family.
2. Treats me with respect.
3. Intelligent - able to carry a conversation with me, and not intimidated by my intelligence.
4. Has goals and dreams, and is working towards them.
5. Nice hands- strong and gentle.
6. A strong work ethic
7. Willing to communicate with me
8. Fights fair
9. Encourages me and supports my dreams and goals.
10. gives me space when i ask for it.
11. Belief in God.
so do you think a guy like this exists? You are probably married to him, right?
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Comments: 42
But this is the way I've tried to live my life and many would agree.
However, being on this side of the coin, a lot of the women I have encountered in my travels actually go for the rough-tough bad boy, he-man, alpha-it's-all-me-dog type. So i tried to conform but could never play that role with any conviction.
Now, I'm just back to being me, wondering where the girl is that wants these attributes.
(I cannot believe I'm posting this; well, guess I can delete it tomorrow....)
I think compromise is exactly what I have learned with maturity. There are a few of those characteristics though that I won't budge on. I guess a girl has to have some standards.
I think you are absolutely right. We become more realistic with age. You have to remember that was written by an idealistic twenty year old. I wouldn't feel that I have settled if there were a few of the characteristics on the list.
Before I got sick, I was all of the above. My wife still loves me regardless. I love her also. In todays society, men and women are under so much societal pressure, its no wonder there are wackos out there LOL-yet true.
Women, friends, colleaugues-dont give up. We do exist, and the single ones are still lookin.
You are so fortunate to have a wonderful man for all of those years. I bet it is hard to live without. I think you brought up a very key point. A good man will lift you up, and help you be a better woman by just loving and believing in you.
Lucky you! I can see why you have stayed married for 34 years.
Big question where to find these perfect men. I hate to say it because you will groan, but you will find your perfect guy when you least expect. Everyone told me this, I groaned. But it was true. One day there he was. I wasn't even thinking about meeting him. My mind was on a friend. Yet, he found me.
So my rabbling has a point. Don't give up. He's out there and he will have most if not all of those things on your list.
Some generalized observations (not criticisms as I hardly know you):
I have seen lists similar to yours written by other women, some of them posted on gather; however, as noted by Robert up above, many women seem to misplace these lists when they head out the door. Noting number one on the list, which boils down to money, this item is quite often perverted in our materialistic society. People on both sides of relationships place greater value on having more and more things as opposed to cherishing the people in their lives and being happy and comfortable with what things they do have.
Numbers 7 and 10 are often interwoven. Because of the differences between the sexes, the issue of honoring space often is the catalyst for a communication breakdown.
In closing a philosophical question. Not being exactly sure how you mean (meant when you wrote this) number eleven, would that be a specific God, religion, or would it be open to other forms of spirituality?
I appreciate you comment, and I would like to address some of your generalizations as they pertain to me. I can see that there are many women that are very concerned about money. I honestly do not care if he makes a lot of money. I just don't want to have another mouth to feed. Believe me, I have been in this position before, and I don't want to do that again. I live a pretty simple life, and am not looking for a man that likes money more than me.
To answer your question about number 11. Yes, I am open to other forms of spirituality. I am not a very religious person, yet I am very spiritual. Although I am a Christian, I am very open to and enjoy studying other religions. I am most interested in Buddhism and other eastern religions. This is an interesting question, because my eyes were opened in taking a philosophy of religion class. What I found that all the religions are similar in that they are formed to give meaning to the unknowns in life. Who am I to say which one is right? Now, if he has shaved his head, and grabs a tambourine, he might be a bit much for me.
"looking". We were good friends for a year or so and his proposal came "out of the
blue".
Don't compromise, as Linda said, once you become your own person and aren't searching for that "relationship", it just happens. It's some kind of paradox.
james
Your list is quite reasonable. The only thing I have difficulty with is the communication/conversation part. Being an introvert conversation is not an easy thing for me. I listen to and remember what people say. So when people suddenly pause in a conversation there is silence because now I have to process a response internally before it comes out of my mouth. Fortunately for you, if you're looking for a guy who verbalizes alot, introverts a huge statistical minority in the U.S.
I have to go along with Marianne K. The kind of man to fit your list is out there.
I also believe in God, though the God of my childhood died long ago. My parents raised me as a strict Catholic. My girlfriend is Jewish...but so was Jesus.
In any case, I feel the same way about being in a relationship that doesn't drain your finances or emotionally exhaust you. I'm truly in a relationship now where I feel as an equal, and not a caregiver. I fell for that trap many times. It doesn't work.
Being able to talk to my partner is of utmost importance to me. There is no respect or trust if you keep quiet when you feel strongly about something.
The right person is out there for you...especially since most of your list is about the far more important emotional side of a person and not the physical side.