Empty Shelves

Yes, they will create their own memories in time. It's beautiful, William.

William I loved this {poem} as it brought
to mind things in my past good to be
remembered. Thanks much.

And the shelves wait to be filled again. I loved this, like I enjoy everything you do. However, "The smile gave and sang their way" tripped me up somehow. I read it several times, completely stopped by it...

"Struggles vanish when in love"

Guess that is why I am struggling now; I'm not in love.

This is so lovely William, You are a knowledgeable man when it comes to the ways of the heart. I wish I could give you more than a 10

Seemed sad. I want it to be the same couple, recovering what they've lost, then I feel like they've gone and it's someone else. Actually, the ambiguity works well. Loved the image of the "silent stalks of grain." Nice one.

William, I love this poem. It may not have been your intent, but it brought back memories of many old, abandoned houses I used to visit with my boyfriend/fiance/husband back in the late 60's when we used to drive around southern Iowa looking for abandoned homes. I always wondered about those who had lived there, the children who grew up there, did someone grow old there? What their daily lives might have been like. Why was it abandoned? Some still had furnishings left as if they had never intended to leave . . .

Leave a penny in the drawer.

haunting

William I came back for another read
on this one cause I loved it so much!

I wish I could get more than 9 people to read my poem. I appreciate those who do read, but feel nothing but frustration.

This is beautiful!!!!

There is a sadness in this poem which turns to hope. You've accomplished much in a small space.

I'm so sorry you feel frustrated. I hope you hang in there... it does take time to gain a readership here, and you shouldn't view it as a reflection of your work. You have a wonderful gift, as evidenced here in this fine poem. I love, "Seeds in heaven do not grind," and many other colorful lines in this sad but relevant poem
that stirs the heart

William, I think you could make this poem better! (There, I said it.) I think the rhyme scheme detracts from the poem, it eventually becomes sing-song. Some of the rhymes work beautifully, though, like here: 'Time was precious time was still
Sought out shadows worlds of will,' except 'time was precious' is so cliche. (You know that!) I'm not sure I understand the second line of the seond stanza.
Also, I don't understand 'a daily pound'. (Everyone else seems to, maybe it's just me.)

I could be totally off base but I suggest a few rewrites. I'm a strong believer in rewrites. That's what I learned at school (e-mail me for more info if you want). The poem is haunting and musical as is but could be tighter still, and better. (Don't hate me!?)

The shelves being empty is sad but hopeful. This touched me as no other poem has in a long time

Arlene, I cherish your comments. I think in rhyme half the time. I intend more than one edit of this poem. I using pound like the old phrase 'a pound of flesh'. The pound of course here is a metaphor for loss: A slow erosion. I thought the poem quite sad. I only hate the Michigan State bird: The mosquito.

yeah I emptied a bunch of shelves recently to make room for another heart.. turned out a few volumes would have done it, size wise.

beautifully written!

very beautiful. So ironic how things don't matter when your first in love and life in general just gets in the way of a once precious and important feeling.

Tammy, Thank you. You nailed it perfectly.

Beautifully written

Very nicely written! I wish it had my name as the author. William, I went through some of the same emotions you went through. Not many commented on my poems in the beginning. I started putting poems at the end of articles so I knew they would be read... One day I realized that just because there are no comments doesn't mean they weren't read.. Writing on Gather has brought back my creativity and for that I keep writing. Hang in there friend!

Listen to Heather, William,

William,

I don't often get the chance to roam as freely as I'd like, as I have way too many commitments that keep me busy all day long. I don't get to comment a lot on my connections articles whether they are articles or poems, because I just don't have the time.

When I do post, I seldom get more than four or five comments. When I do get more I consider myself lucky. I won't throw in th towel because someone else is consistently getting 30 or more comments every time they post. Maybe they have nothing bettere to do than comment on other people's articles all day, I don't know, but whatever it is, others are doing it better than me.

Every poem you write, every article that gets posted, is another lesson in writing. Consider it that, and when the good days come that your poems or articles see large amounts of comments, then enjoy. On the other times figure it a lesson in Gather.

STAY HERE WITH US... PLEASE.

Bill, I echo Ed and Ernie. Don't throw in the towel!

As an aside, you have a mix of verses with and without end rhyme - and it jarred when I read the poem. They sit uneasily together. I only mention this because you said you intend to rewrite this poem. However, to each his own, so ignore my comment if you disagree. For my part, I tend to avoid end rhyme - out of personal preference - so that may be clouding my thinking with "Empty Shelves."

sad

I liked this, you did a wonderful job with the rhyme and emotional transitions.

William 'Empty Shelves' is a stripped-down, naked little being who has taken off his Sunday best and gone skinny-dipping in the rock quarry of forgotten passions.

William I love everything about this...I have read and re-read it several times. I don't think I could get tired of it. Great work!

Lisa B, that verse is the Bunny Hop song. April, I guess you're right.

Absolutely beautiful William.

The first time I read this though, for some strange reason, I kept thinking of a store that was closed down. Perhaps it failed, perhaps one of the spouses died or they divorced. And then new owners took over and they gave it life again as they shared their common goals and their love of each other and the business.

Very well done, William. Very, very well done.

Beautiful and poignant.