Don't you just love when you get unwanted parenting advice in public? The deluge of suggestions starts heading your way the minute you announce your pregnancy. Everyone will suddenly become a parenting expert and will be ready to let you know exactly how they think things should be dome. Your mother will swear that you were eating table food at 3 months right before blissfully heading to sleep all night long. Your co-worker will frown about your decision to breastfeed. Random strangers will tell you what age to start potty training as they man-handle your baby belly without your permission.Unfortunately all of this well-meaning advice can be harmful to your parental health. Raising children is not an exact science, and the "rules" have a way of changing from one generation to the next. What was once accepted as standard practice, such as placing a baby on his tummy to sleep or giving solids before four months, is no longer advisable. If it's been more than a few years since there was a baby in your family, you may find yourself on the receiving end of some outdated information, and while they may mean well, some of their ideas may often be wrong and at worst, dangerous.Regardless of the advice, remember this is your child, and in the end you are the expert in raising your child the way that you think is best. Here are a few ways to respond to unwanted advice:Listen first
When someone offers you parenting advice (especially when it is in the middle of a two-year-old meltdown) it's natural to be defensive if you feel that someone is judging you. Often the person does not mean to criticize, but rather just wants to share what may be valuable insight. Try to listen - you may just learn something valuable. Disregard
If you know that there is no convincing the other person to change her mind, simply smile, nod, and make a non-committal response, such as, "Thank you!" Then go about your own business . . . your way. Pick your battles
If your mother-in-law insists that your child should wear a hat, go ahead and pop one on his head. This won't have any long-term effects except that of placating her. However, don't give in on issues that are important to you or the health or well-being of your child. Educate yourself
Knowledge is power; protect yourself and your sanity by reading up on you're the parenting choices you have made. Educate the other person
Share what you've learned. You may be able to open the other person's mind. Refer to a study, book, or report that you have read. Quote a doctor
Many people accept a point of view if a professional has validated it. If your own pediatrician agrees with your position, say, "My doctor told me to wait until he's at least six months before starting solids." Have a script
Memorize this comment to say in response to almost any piece of advice: "This may not be the right way for you, but it's the right way for me."
recommend this
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 7
It never ends. I still get unsolicited advice and my youngest is four. My sister still gets unsolicited advice and her youngest is thirteen.
I surely hope that I remember to not give advice that is not asked for except the harmless variety like, "Such and such place has the lowest prices on so and so diapers."
As for the unwanted belly rubbing I would stop them before they got there and say I'm sorry but I don't you please don't do that and also had some maternity T shirts made up with 'Hands Off' - Restricted Area, Don't Touch and I don't have an animal under here, don't pet me - made up and wore them a lot in public.
For those who still intruded I would return the gesture and rub their bellies to which they would act shocked and I would tell them See you don't like it any more than I do.