I ONLY HEAR BLAH BLAH BLAH

I have gone thru some hard times with my oldest, but like this

meant..not like this

I know that there have got to be some parents out there that had difficult times with their teen like this.....Oh me and my husband are so desparate to have peace with him in our home.

This one is hard, but this boy is 18 years old - he's not a child anymore. He's a man, and needs to start taking responsibility for his own actions. You can't be responsible for his work attendance, and you can't be responsible for his foul language. These are HIS choices, and he needs to learn to live with the consequences of his choices.

The more you "enable" him by being his alarm clock and keeping him from experiencing the negative results of his poor choices, the more he will take advantage of you. Sometimes you just have to let them go and let them learn the "hard way". It's one of the hardest things to do as a parent - to let your child fail on their own. Some kids just won't learn unless they do fail, however.

You aren't going to be around forever to keep picking up after this man. It's time he learned how to take charge of his OWN life.

I'm may not be the one to give any advice...my son is 24, he starting acting the way you describe a little when he was a senior in high school...but, from 21 on it has been downhill. I posted a bit about it yesterday...click on my namespace for yesterday's article. I have others about my son if you want to go back and read them. If your son is willing, I would suggest counseling...now....while he will still go. Mine won't go anymore, and has no insurance now anyway. I also get ill during the rages and vulgar language. It was ruining my life...after letting him move in and out 4 times, and thousands of dollars spent-we finally won't let him move back into our home. That helps...but, we didn't do that at 18. I think you have to try to "save" them, it just hasn't worked out that way for us. I feel for you, I really do. I still have days where I can barely get off the couch because of it.

I agree with Joan and maybe it's time to practice tough love and not baby him or cater to him and of course you may require him to move out and live on his own. There's no need for you to be waiting up for him. And because you fear him going off in a rage he has the control over you. I think I'd have him move on his own where he can take control of his own actions and not continue having control over you....

To help with the anger issues, I suggest therapy. But like Joan said, he is considered an adult now. He will have to grow up and make mistakes and suffer the consequences. Since he should be out of school by now and it's the summer he either needs to go to college or go out and get a full time job. He shouldn't be leaning on you guys so much. You've done what you could and raised him to the best of your ability. I think it's time to clip the cord. Good luck!

Could be some sort of health or physical problem. Hopefully it just isn't his nature.

If this kid is 18, he is of legal age to be out on his own taking care of himself. Maybe a bit of tough love is needed.

At 18, its time to let your son starting suffering for his own mistakes. He has a good job. He needs to move out.

You love him and worry but by being his fall back you're also enabling him to continue his dissipation.

I certainly don't have all the answers, but I'll put in my two cents anyway. Maybe you should try letting him go his own way. At 18, there's not a whole lot you can do any more. Maybe he needs some tough love. Sometimes you just have to figure things out on your own although it's hard as a parent to see your child struggle.

Sometimes the hard way is the only way they learn.

Tough love is the best way to go. It will be a long road, but one that you will get through. As for the anger, I would suggest doing something that will help him gear the anger in a more positive way, such as martial arts or weight lifting. This has worked wonderfully for many troubled kids. It also gives them more self esteem which in turn will help with the other problems.

I agree with what Joan said..He is 18..He isn't a kid anymore. Time to act like an adult and take responsibility for his own actions.

It's difficult to tell from your post whether your son is still in school, or if he has graduated and is working. If he is working, he needs to take responsibility for himself. If he can't afford to live on his own, he should be paying you room and board, and you shouldn't be waking him up in the mornings. It sounds to me as though he needs counseling. Antidepressants by themselves won't address the underlying issues, and of course if he's not taking them, they won't be effective. It may be difficult to take a hard line with your son, but it's important to consider the emotional health of your other children and yourselves, as well as his welfare. Enabling never helped anyone, in the long run. And there's a huge difference between enabling, and lending a hand to someone who made a mistake and got into trouble. A one-time loan is helping. Waking him up every morning so he won't be late is enabling.

Set up a system with him! If you take your meds daily (get him a medicine container) and come home on time for a month then we will allow you to stay out 1 hour later. However the first time you come home late that month starts all over.
As far as his job, if he is depressed and sometimes taking his meds maybe he needs to see if his job offers a different shift for him or look into something that starts later in the mornings.
I have been the troubled teen! I put my mom through a living hell, until she came up with something that benefited me :) I was always home on time so that wasn't an issue for me but then again at 18 my curfew was 2am on the weekends and midnight on week days even though I was still in school till i was 19. As long as my grades were above a C I could keep my hours :)
However while a teen and wanting help I sure didn't want to take my meds. I would forget until my mom wrote a note on the mirror in the bathroom with the meds underneath the note! It said " Just a reminder (with and arrow pointing down to the medication)"
This helped since I would always go to the bathroom in the am and brush my teeth shower and all the good stuff! Same at night :)
Different things help different kids.
Getting up in the am, if he has a radio alarm clock and you have some extra speakers laying around open the alarm clock and wire the large speakers to it. When it goes off in the morning it will scare him!! Or do what my mom did, I got one chance for her to wake me up if I didn't get up she would throw a wet wash rag on my face!!!!! After that I would get a frozen wash clothe or ice down my shirt... Taught me real quick to get up when she would tell me...
I wish you luck, its not easy being a teen who is depressed and it sure isn't easy being a parental unit!!! Make sure when he gets mad and curses to tell him you LOVE HIM dont argue with him about it.. Its attention and it doesn' t matter if its bad or good !!! I love yous always throw them off!

He's eighteen? Sounds like a good a_ _ whoopin's in order, and then throw him out... problem solved!

this is a hard one. You do have to take care of yourself first.

If this were the 60's and he is 18, he would be getting a letter inviting him to come down and Join Uncle Sam's club. He would have place it in, the Army, Navy.Marines. Air Force depending what it showed on the the you took. I joined the Naval Reserves when I was in the 9th grade. Went on two years active duty when i gradusted from high school. He is lucky the don't have the draft anymore.
Don't give him money if he doesn't have a job, make him earn it if he needs money.

I don't have the problem, but easily could. The problem seems to me that you fear confrontation. He know that. He's scared and out of control. You need to be in control for him. Lower the boom because you love him. Time is running out. Love him enough to discipline him. I'm here for you if you need me. I've spent a lot of time studying teens and teaching and raising them. I'm not an authority, but I have dealt with and saved many a child from themselves. The biggest hurdle they face is a permissive parent.

My suggestion from my life's experience: Where are you contributing to this, what's the pay off for you (and your spouse), and where can you take the responsibility? I wish you lots of love and blessings with this situation. I know it's challenging. I hope I've helped you.

Since he is 18 yrs old now. I would tell him be home by this time or the doors will be locked and he will have to sleep somewhere else. After sleeping somewhere else for awhile..that will get old and he will start adbising by your rule on when to be in by time door is locked. make sure he doesn't have a key or that will defeat you making this rule. Don't check on him. As he is no longer a child. I bet he is feeling smothered about right now. Even thou you mean well. He is at the age where you need to let go and see how much he has heard what you taught him as he was growing up. If he is hard to get up. stop enabling him and just let the alarm clock get going off or go in and turn it off after a certain time has past. Trust me..after awhile it will work. I had to do this to my husband..because he is a hard person to wake up as well. Than the times he would wake up late even thou I tyried for over an hour to wake him. He would get angry and blame me. I said the heck with and he was a big boy that could get himself up. I refused to after that. he missed work a couple of times because of it. But he learned real quick to get up with the alarm. Or he would loose his job. As noone else was going to get him up. my husband lasted 10 years at that job before he quit cause we moved 1200 miles away.

I have no kids.

I gave ya 10, because well as a mom yuo deserve it Tracy ;-)

Joan D. is "right on target". Ricky F. is also correct when he wrote "he has the control over you." Therapy would teach YOU about "Control" issues, which you might possibly teach your son, although he may see your trying to Teach Him Anything as trying to CONTROL Him. ***Anger comes from the frustration over not being able to Control what happens or what someone else thinks, does or says.***
He's 18, so you are not legally responsible for him, nor do you need to feel as if you need to control him (unless he's physically violent or destructive, then you would need law enforcement to be involved.) If you love him, I'd suggest calmly telling him (using the "broken record technique", if necessary) that you love him and are hurt by his disrespect.
A little "Transactional Analysis" (P.A.C.):
Angry people are expressing themselves from the "Child" part of their personalities. He's old enough for you to communicate with him from the "Adult" part of Your personality (without emotion), or from the Nurturing "Parent" part. The "Critical Parent" approach will just be interpreted as Controlling. If you can catch him in his "Adult" mode, maybe you can reason with him.
If you Love him, I'd say: Give him Understanding and Responsibility for taking care of himself. If you can't communicate with him in a mutually respectful, "Adult" way, I'd just leave him alone with his anger.
You are responsible for your own emotions. He doesn't have the Power to Control your emotions unless you give that power to him. You can Take Away his power to control You, by ignoring his disrespect and irresponsibility.

I have great empathy for you. My son is 20 - not working though, and maybe not going back to college. He has no responsibilities now, none. I try nicely to suggest different things for a job, exercise for his health, etc. He cannot commit to any of it. He has ADHD and refuses his meds. I bought him Omega-3, a new supplement for ADHD and he refuses this too. ( It smells like fish.) It's sad, he has some good ideas but can't follow through on any. I've heard a lot from the "tough love" people, but my husband won't consider it ... so we wait and wait. I wish you the best with your son, but you need support, too. It is a hard spot to be in! Fortunately, our other two kids have their act together so far.

10