Poor Little Trudy

I have no idea where this one came from, such a departure from the one I wrote a few minutes ago. It sounded good so I wrote it down. It is sad. Thanks for commenting Janet.

I like it!

Thanks Jeanie!

What's sad is that there are more Trudys out there somewhere.
Good fictional piece
"10"

It is a fine poem, and expresses a near universal experience. BUT, it reads better if you combine each two lines into one.
Trudy was busy most of her life,
Until she went crazy and got her a knife.

so on throughout.
..........................................................................

The rest of this is editorial opinion, and has to do with my interpretation only.

You might want to substitute something for "shiny combs" for the sake of rhythm.

I tried it with shiny dropped, and with barrettes substituted. It read best with just combs. Both changes were detrimental to the image created by shiny combs.

The same is true of the lines "Trudy dances at the ball to her utter delight." A substitution that I think works well is Trudy goes to the ball to her utter delight."

The closing lines following that are a delight.

Ain't I the picky one. I have a problem critiquing poetry written by women, I appreciate it because of the insight, but there is never a full connection. Sort of the same as the great literary mystery of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. How did a young woman on her honeymoon come up with that great story.

I will go so far as to say "Trudy" is a perfect name for the protagonist. I tried reading it with Mary and Heather instead of Trudy, and both failed to carry the weight of the story. It did feel good with my ex wife's name, but that is because I think of her as being like Trudy, only with a raging anger and me substituted for the pillow. Like I said, the theme is fairly universal.

I am not sure I can accurately express this particular criticism, but I will try. The poem feels very romantic. It has to do with the way you express the theme in the first lines. I really do think this is the Masculine vision as opposed to the feminine. Trudy was busy most of her life, until she went crazy and got her a knife. I think that is backwards. Trudy was crazy most of her life, until she got busy and got her a knife; seems frontwards to me. It also drastically alters the whole thrust of the poem. So my instinct is probably wrong.

Karl, I appreciate your suggestions and critique! When I wrote this I didn't know where it was going until it got there. Often people have melt downs and others are astounded that the person could do such a thing. Trudy had a melt down but it was with a pillow. I think the pillow represented all the men that walked past her never noticing her. There are a lot of Trudy's in the world that need a friend to guide her and help her find out how to find that tall dark man she wants or how love comes in all different packages. Trudy also represents a lot of people who have dreams that won't ever happen. Looking back I think my dream was to have people in my life that I could love and who love me and I have that.

I just love this, very nice work