by amarpreet k.
Member since:
December 4, 2006

haiku - spring

June 04, 2007 03:58 AM EDT (Updated: June 06, 2007 12:43 AM EDT)
views: 79 | comments: 17

This is my first attempt to haiku , hope it qualifies , all your comments /feedbacks are welcome ...:-)

 

Heart full of new desires

Like buds slowly opening

here is beautiful spring

 

Haiku -04/06/2007

---------------------------------------------------------

and here is the edited/corrected version (5-7-5) as suggested by Trish

 

Heart full , new desires

Like buds slowly opening

here , beautiful spring

 

 

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Comments: 17

Marty A. Jun 4, 2007, 5:41am EDT
I love it! Here we call that feeling "Spring Fever". When the desire for love becomes very strong. Probably an instinct placed in us by our maker to ensure healthier babies. The mothers carry them during the time of mild weather and plenty food.

You are truely a woman in love with love.

Best wishes,

Marty
I'm not a poet and I rarely embrace poetry of any type but I like what you've done here. Good first effort.
amarpreet k. Jun 4, 2007, 6:49am EDT
Thanks a lot Marty ..i liked the analogy you draw ..nature always have a reason , that we don't tend to understand at times .... and its nice that you get what i feel ..i am surely in love with love ...:-) I have defined myself that way in my orkut site ...


chris: many thanks for your comment ... M glad that you liked it
thanks angela ..
Payam Sudhakaran Jun 4, 2007, 7:50am EDT
Stunning expression! This sweet verse sounds like a vibrant spring!
Trish A. Jun 4, 2007, 7:50am EDT
Congratulations on challenging yourself! You have captured the essence of a haiku. If you want a traditional haiku you need to have less syllables in your first and third line. I've included a possibility.

Heart full of new desires (6 ) Heart full, new desire (5)

Like buds slowly opening (7)

here is beautiful spring (6) here, beautiful spring


These are just suggestions. Please know your poem is lovely.
DragonSoul !. Jun 4, 2007, 7:52am EDT
amarpreet ~ You definitely got the idea down relating nature to human nature; usually a very difficult aspect of Haiku to convey. It is generally acccepted in a standard English-Haiku for the syllable count to be 5-7-5 and yours is 6-7-6. This is ok too, depending on which interpretation (of which there are many) you are following. Great first attempt at writing a Haiku; I'm glad to hear that my e-mail helped.
amarpreet k. Jun 4, 2007, 8:11am EDT
Payam ..thanks friend

Trish : appreciate your help a lot ..I'll add the crrected version too ..

and many thanks to Dragon soul who took trouble of writing such long mail explaining me what haiku is and again coming here and helping me get it right ..
Jared G. Jun 4, 2007, 8:32am EDT
Beautiful!
Trish A. Jun 4, 2007, 8:43am EDT
You are very welcome. Are you happy with the changes?
Joe S. Jun 4, 2007, 9:05am EDT
Great Haiku. Captures so much in so little space. Thanks for pointing me to it.
andrew c. Jun 4, 2007, 7:11pm EDT
excelent
Melissa O. Jun 4, 2007, 10:08pm EDT
Good job, Amarpreet! It was a lesson for me, as well. Thanks for explaining this form so clearly, Trish and DragonSoul.
amarpreet k. Jun 5, 2007, 3:56am EDT
thanks everyone ..
Trish , I am happy that you corrected it , and explained me the right way ...i'll update it today ..
Rachel C. Jun 5, 2007, 8:15pm EDT
Awwww! I love it. It's simple, beautiful, and bloody brilliant! Congrats and keep writing!
amarpreet k. Jun 6, 2007, 12:44am EDT
thanks Rachel ..
I have added the corrected version as suggested by Trish ..
Ms. Meacham: Money Maven Jun 12, 2007, 1:24pm EDT
As dragon mentioned, the most difficult part of a haiki is relating nature to human nature. At least that's the hardest part for me. You've done that well here, especially for a first attempt. I have to forward everyone on to your latest haiku though, about rain. It's brilliant!! Rain...Heaven's blessing (Haiku)
PURUSHOTHAMA RAO R. May 25, 2009, 7:50am EDT

 

New spring

heart full of desires

bloom   from dreams

look at it

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