by Gretchen Lee Bourquin
Member since:
January 8, 2006

Breakup

June 01, 2007 07:38 AM EDT
views: 31 | rating: 9.9/10 (13 votes) | comments: 14
He sees his hand has lost its ring
as he sits in an empty room
He longs to make an offering
but his hand has lost its ring

 

His loneliness begins to sting
and he finds himself consumed
He sees his hand has lost its ring
as he sits in an empty room

 


 

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Comments: 14

Heatherrrr Eloise Jun 1, 2007, 7:43am EDT
beautiful.
i love the way you keep repeating that one line.
:]thank you for sharing.
Apryl Just Apryl Jun 1, 2007, 8:11am EDT
HAPPY GATHER APPRECIATION DAY!!!!!!

lOVED IT!!
Cheryl W. Jun 1, 2007, 8:25am EDT
Good one!
Sue * Jun 1, 2007, 8:36am EDT
I like the way you did this. 10
Jennifer R. Jun 1, 2007, 8:38am EDT
Good job!
Lisa J Jun 1, 2007, 8:45am EDT
Neat. :-)
Miles E. Jun 1, 2007, 9:08am EDT
The repetitive, succinct and poignant nature of the verse is very effective in conveying the theme and painting a vivid image in the mind of your readers.

I liked it, too.
Denise- Marie Jun 1, 2007, 10:14am EDT
Very well done. The introspective mode that overtakes anyone who's experienced a break up...is well represented by the cyclical feeling of this repititive style. Nice job on this piece! Thanks.
flit . Jun 1, 2007, 11:53am EDT
I like it ...keep meaning to go look at the triolet form... maybe when I get back from my ~gallivanting~ today :)
Marcella W. Jun 1, 2007, 4:12pm EDT
Good enough to feel, if one had felt this before. Ouch, and well done. :)
DragonSoul !. Jun 2, 2007, 2:50pm EDT
Wow...great Triolet yet kind of weird, since I wrote a very similar one a week ago or so. Very much along the same lines...were you hacking into my computer and reading my work before I publish it...after improving upon it of course? lol j/k.
Diana Raabe Jun 2, 2007, 3:00pm EDT
Ouch.
Lainie F. Jun 2, 2007, 3:17pm EDT
I was drawn into you triolet with sincere attraction--and was not for a moment disappointed. It is always the signature of a good writer when so much can be communicated in just a few words. Congratulations!

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