We’d come to the evening of a warm, warm day. When the outside air cooled more than the inside air, John and I went out to take a stroll around our yard. Seems it was a big deal, because Rita the dog, and Laila and Louie the cats, meandered along with us as we walked. It’s that time of evening when the scent of blossoms hangs in the air. We inspected the newest wildflowers that have had a chance to grow in abundance since we’ve not mowed at all on the east side of the house. John’s red trailer, the one he pulls behind his riding mower, is abandoned where the wood pile used to be. It’s filled with twigs; an axe is embedded in an old stump beside it, and swirls of yellow flowers hide the wheels. We talked about how to get rid of the sticky burr weeds that have invaded the lawn.
A few weeks ago, after several weeks of pain and uncertainty about what might be wrong, and after many medical tests and a trip to Oregon Health Sciences University, we were told that his Central Nervous System Lymphoma had returned. This is a rare, debilitating, aggressive disease with only one treatment that works at all. The treatment requires a four day hospital stay every month. The monthly protocol includes two surgeries under general anesthesia to disrupt the blood-brain-barrier for the purpose of getting chemotherapy into the brain and the cerebral/spinal fluid. He had his first two “disruptions” last week, and will need to continue this until next May.
John is feeling somewhat better each day. Yesterday he took his riding mower out and mowed the front and side yard. Quite an excursion, given the effects of the past weeks and then the chemo.
I’m thinking how often I’ve been taught by life that plans need to be held lightly. Today, May 31st, should have been the day I climbed onto the plane bound for Minnesota to give a talk about my new book and to sign the just released copies.
This talk will now be given by Steve and Kathy Callaghan, my long time friends from Minneapolis. I’m thinking how useless it is to get anxious or worked up over plans of any kind. They all can change in an instant. And it is as it needs to be, because life often calls more loudly, more surely from some other direction. How rapidly the former plans dissolve as we move in the direction of the greatest love. There’s an elegant simplicity to it all, I’m thinking—a simplicity that brings peace. So we walk together, John and I, around the circumference of our yard, commenting on the flowers and the weeds, pointing out the birds that have nested in our bluebird houses (none of them bluebirds—there goes another plan). We walk slowly. It’s easier to see and hear the world around us that way. He puts his hand on my shoulder and we stand still for a moment, looking at the lilac in the woods.
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Comments: 11
Thank you for sharing these so moving moments with us! I will include you and your husband within my prayers during these times to come.
I just wanted to share what is taught to us by God about speaking about plans, we are to add to all "if it be Gods will" because of our own knowledge is just so limited.
It isn't really so hard to miss my book signing. I have discovered a new attitude towards my writing and towards publication. It's one of those things I'm not in charge of. When the book is "out there" it is in divine hands. It will go to the people who need to read it. It's no longer "my business." Also, regarding the talk I was suppose to give tonight, I'm feeling enthusiastic and grateful about Steve and Kathy being in Minnesota to stand in for me and deliver it. My confidence is strong that they will be even more successful than I would have been in delivering the words I wrote in preparation for it. In fact, I'm dazzled by the belief that perhaps this is as it was meant to be all along.
Thank you for your comment.
I had to smile when I saw you'd chosen this item to place on Gather. . .it's a great one to share here, with these friends. In fact, before I opened the "Gather Message". I'd already decided it was too good not to share so I copied
parts about "plans and planning" so I could quote from it as a "jump off" point for my weekly message that goes with the Prayer List. (With your permission, of course). As John (and you) are on the list these days; there would be a very real connection for our Prayer Warriors, almost as though they could know you and John. Maybe I'll try to call you a bit later today or tomorrow. I'll e-mail you a copy of the message after it is written.
You know you are in my prayers day in and day out and I use my beautiful beads for the healing prayers for both John and Liz.
Love you and "Grace and peace be multiplied unto you. . ."
Marilyn
Christin's Caring Bridge Blog
Now I need to check to see if that worked!